The Importance of Being Earnest Page #2

---

a different matter.

She is my aunt.

That must be her.

Only relatives

or creditors ever ring...

in that Wagnerian manner.

Now, if I manage to get her

out of the way for 10 minutes...

so that you may have

an opportunity...

for proposing to Gwendolen...

may I dine with you

at the Savoy tonight?

Lady Bracknell

and Miss Fairfax.

Good afternoon, dear Algy.

I hope you are

behaving very well.

I'm feeling very well,

Aunt Augusta.

That's not quite

the same thing.

In fact, the two things

rarely go together.

Lady Bracknell, I--

Oh, goodness, you are smart.

I'm always smart.

Am I not, Mr. Worthing?

You are quite perfect,

Miss Fairfax.

I hope I am not that.

It would leave no room

for development...

and I intend to develop

in many directions.

I'm sorry if

we're a little late, Algy.

I was obliged to call

on dear Lady Harbury.

I had not been there since

her poor husband's death.

I never saw a woman so altered.

She looks quite

twenty years younger.

And now I'll have a cup

of tea and one of those...

nice cucumber sandwiches

you promised me.

Certainly, Aunt Augusta.

Won't you sit here, Gwendolen?

Thanks, Mama, I'm quite

comfortable where I am.

Good heavens, Lane, why are

there no cucumber sandwiches?

There were no cucumbers

in the market this morning, sir.

-I went down twice.

-Oh, no cucumbers?

No, sir.

Not even for ready money.

-That will do, Lane.

-Thank you, sir.

I am greatly distressed,

Aunt Augusta...

about there being no cucumbers,

not even for ready money.

It really makes no matter, Algy.

I had some crumpets

with Lady Harbury.

I've got quite a treat

for you tonight, Algy.

I'm going to send you

down with Mary Farquhar.

-She is such a nice--

-I'm afraid, Aunt Augusta...

I shall have to give up

the pleasure...

of dining with you tonight.

I hope not, Algy.

It will put my table

completely out.

It is a great bore,

and I need hardly say...

a terrible disappointment

to me...

but I've just had

a telegram to say...

that my poor friend Bunbury

is very ill again.

They seem to think

I should be with him.

Very strange.

This Mr. Bunbury

seems to suffer...

from curiously bad health.

Yes, poor Bunbury

is a dreadful invalid.

I must say, Algy,

I think it is high time...

Mr. Bunbury made up his mind

whether to live or die.

This shilly-shallying with

the question is absurd.

I should be much obliged

if you would ask...

Mr. Bunbury from me

to be kind enough...

not to have a relapse

next Saturday.

It is my last reception,

and I rely on you...

to arrange my music for me.

I'll speak to Bunbury,

Aunt Augusta...

if he's still conscious.

Now, if you'll follow me

into the next room...

I'll run over

the musical program...

I've already drawn up

for the occasion.

Thank you, Algy.

It is very

thoughtful of you.

Gwendolen,

you will accompany me.

Certainly, Mama.

Charming day it has been,

Miss Fairfax.

Pray don't talk to me about

the weather, Mr. Worthing.

Whenever people talk

to me about the weather...

I always feel quite certain

that they mean something else...

and that makes me so nervous.

-I do mean something else.

-I thought so.

And I would like

to take advantage...

of Lady Bracknell's

temporary absence--

I would certainly

advise you to do so.

Mama has a way of coming back

suddenly into a room...

that I've often had

to speak to her about.

Miss Fairfax,

ever since I met you...

I have admired you

more than any girl...

I have ever met since

I met you.

Yes, I'm quite aware

of the fact.

And I often wish that

in public, at any rate...

you had been

more demonstrative.

For me...

you have always had

an irresistible fascination.

Gwendolen--

Even before I met you...

I was far from

indifferent to you.

We live, as I hope you know,

Mr. Worthing...

in an age of ideals,

and my ideal has always been...

to love someone

of the name of Ernest.

There's something

in that name...

that inspires

absolute confidence.

The moment Algy

first mentioned to me...

that he had a friend

called Ernest...

I knew I was destined

to love you.

-You really love me, Gwendolen?

-Passionately.

Darling, you don't know

how happy you've made me.

My own Ernest.

You don't mean

to say though, dear...

you couldn't love me

if my name wasn't Ernest.

But your name is Ernest.

Yes, I know it is...

but supposing

it was something else?

Ah. Well, that is clearly

a metaphysical speculation...

and like most

metaphysical speculations...

has very little

reference at all...

to the actual facts

of real life as we know them.

Personally, darling,

to speak quite candidly...

I don't much care about

the name of Ernest.

I don't think

it suits me at all.

It suits you perfectly.

It is a divine name.

It has a music of its own.

It produces vibrations.

Well, really, Gwendolen...

I must say I think there are

lots of other much nicer names.

I think...

Jack, for instance,

a charming name.

Jack?

I've known several Jacks,

and they all...

without exception,

were more than usually plain.

Mm.

The only really

safe name is Ernest.

Gwendolen, we must

get married at once.

Married, Mr. Worthing?

Well, surely.

You know that I love you,

and you led me to believe...

Miss Fairfax, that you were not

absolutely indifferent to me.

I adore you.

But you haven't

proposed to me yet.

Nothing's been said

at all about marriage.

The subject has not even

been touched on.

Gwendolen.

Yes, Mr. Worthing,

what have you to say to me?

You know what

I have to say to you.

Yes, but you don't say it.

Gwendolen, will you marry me?

Mr. Worthing!

Rise, sir, from this

semi-recumbent posture.

It is most indecorous.

Mama! I must beg you to retire.

Mr. Worthing has not

quite finished yet.

Finished what, may I ask?

I am engaged to be married

to Mr. Worthing, Mama.

Pardon me, Gwendolen.

You are not engaged to anyone.

When you do become

engaged to someone...

I or your father, should

his health permit him...

will inform you of the fact.

You will wait for me

below in the carriage.

-Mama--

-In the carriage, Gwendolen.

Gwendolen! The carriage!

I feel bound to tell you,

Mr. Worthing...

you are not down on my list

of eligible young men.

However, I'm quite ready...

to enter your name

as a possible candidate.

Perhaps you would attend

a meeting at my house...

at eleven o'clock

tomorrow morning.

I shall have a few questions

to put to you.

Algernon?

So, did you tell

Gwendolen the truth...

about being Ernest in town

and Jack in the country?

My dear fellow...

the truth isn't quite

the sort of thing...

one tells to

a nice, sweet, refined girl.

What extraordinary

ideas you have...

about the way to behave

to a woman.

The only way

to behave to a woman...

is to make love to her

if she's pretty...

and to someone else

if she is plain.

That is nonsense.

You never talk anything

but nonsense.

Well, nobody ever does.

Oh, my dear fellow,

you forgot to pay the bill.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes