The Impostors

I'm sorry.

You stole my death.

I couldn't believe it.

I thought...

why is he dying?

I die.

Today is my day to die.

I was really, really confused.

- Aah!

- Aah!

Did you think

that you were supposed to die?

I was confused.

Uh, I was unsure,

and I made a choice.

Aah!

Aah! I'm hit!

But didn't you see

that I was dying?

- Aah!

- Aah!

- Aah!

- Aah!

I did. I did, but...

- I did, but...

- But what?

Arthur...

it was just because...

your pau...

The pause was just so long.

- Aah!

- Aah!

And good. And good.

It was such a good, long pause

that I was just unsure.

I became unsure.

Well, it felt good.

- Oh, no, it was good.

- Really?

Oh, you were good. Very.

Well, then, Maurice,

I don't understand.

What...

I...

Because it was so good...

I became unsure.

I'm really so, so sorry.

- No, it's all right.

- No. I just feel terrible.

It's OK. Don't. It's OK.

It's OK.

I'm sorry. I didn't...

It's OK.

It's all right.

It's OK.

Happy.

Frightened.

Ecstatic.

Good. Switch.

Fortunate.

No hands.

Make it simple. Keep it clean.

Give it to me again.

Fortunate.

- Hands.

- No hands.

Fortunate.

Ah, there you go. There you go.

There you go.

Uh...

disturbed.

- Not mentally disturbed.

- Oh.

Disturbed.

Not emotionally disturbed, but

sort of spiritually disturbed.

But on a smaller level.

Ah, there you go. There you go.

Subtle as a sphinx. Switch.

Excited.

That's it for me.

What's the matter?

No, Maurice, I...

I can't.

I'm going to die

if we don't get work.

I'm so hungry.

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

Arthur...

we might just have to look

for other work.

We might just have to look

for other jobs.

Other jobs?

Beggars can't be choosers,

Arthur.

Are you calling us beggars?

We will be if we don't get jobs.

Beggars.

Please, sir, I want some more.

You see, sir, I've not eaten

for fourteen days...

since me mum died of the group.

- Croup.

- Croup.

Of the croup she died...

leaving me and

my mentally ill brother here...

to fend for ourselves.

Murdered, she was, in her bed

by one of her johns.

You see,

she sold herself to feed us.

She compromised herself

for our sakes...

and here we are, left alone

and hungry and homeless.

And my poor brother

needs a brain operation...

and my glaucoma's

getting worse...

and, sir? Sir? Sir?

Are you there, sir?

Aah!

I can't see you, sir.

I can't see you, sir!

Aah! Aah!

I'm blind!

Aah!

So, how we doing?

- Great.

- Good.

Now, this is just a formality.

I want you both. It's just

a matter of who plays what part.

You mean you want us

in the play?

Yes, and if I say too much...

forgive me, but having written

and lived it for 18 years...

and now directing it, along

with my wife who's producing...

I think I know it pretty well.

But there's always

something new you can learn.

So I just want to say

about these characters...

that they once loved each other,

but now they hate each other...

but underneath, love,

but on top, hate.

Love, hate.

So, see what I'm saying?

Yeah, sure. Love, hate.

Yes. Love, hate, love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

- Love.

- Hate, love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

Love, hate, love, hate.

Love... Th-th-th...

Whenever you're ready, go.

OK.

Do you want to be the guy...

Do you want to be the guy

who dies first?

- It doesn't matter to me.

- Why don't you go?

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

Excuse me. Do you have

a preference who dies first?

Couldn't care less.

OK. I don't care.

Actually,

do you mind if I die second?

'Cause I'm a little

not ready, OK?

- Good, good.

- OK. Go ahead.

What a fool you are, Alan.

No, Latour. You are a fool.

Me? Moi? Ha!

It is not I who is soon

to breathe his final breath.

True,

but I am not afraid, Latour...

for with that breath

I will inhale hope.

Hope because I know there are

others like me, Latour...

who will soon come, and from

whom a pure light will shine...

and blind the devils

of this world.

- Aah!

- Aah!

Ahh.

Uhh!

Oh, father.

Um, now switch parts.

That was good.

- Perfect.

- No, it was very good.

Yello. Oh, hi, hon.

Keep going.

It's my wife, the producer.

Hi, hi. What's up?

It's going well,

it's going well.

What a fool you are, Alan.

I said I was sorry,

and I meant it.

Me? Moi? Ha!

I'm not going

to behave like that anymore.

Where are you?

What are you doing with him?

You what?

You're saying to me

that you're leaving me for him?

This is what

you're saying to me?

Well, yes,

naturally, I'm shocked.

Of course I'm shocked.

Does this mean you're pulling

your money out of the show?

No, no, I will not find anybody

else to put money in this play.

Everyone thinks

it's a piece of sh*t.

Where are you now?

Because I'm coming down.

I'm going to bite out

both your throats!

- So I insult him?

- Yeah.

Tell him you think

his pastries are no good.

- Oh, good idea.

- Yeah.

Say that they're stale,

all right?

Hey, buddy,

your pastries are stale.

Right, but don't say buddy.

Just say...

- Your pastries are stale.

- Your pastries are stale.

- I can do it.

- OK. Then...

- You'll come to his defense.

- I'll come to his defense.

And then...

He'll reward you

with a cornucopia of delicacies.

- Right.

- Which you will share with me.

All right, good.

But be... you know. OK?

- Small.

- Small.

You, too.

- Good day, sir.

- Good day.

Everything is made fresh?

Yes, sir. I make everything

myself, fresh every day.

- Oh, every day?

- Every day.

- Good day.

- Good day, sir.

- Good day.

- How do you do?

- Every single day?

- Every single day.

Well...

even these cream puffs

are fresh?

They look stale to me.

You may taste if you like.

Taste?

If I must.

I hate them.

Oh, I'm sorry.

To each his own.

There's another bakery shop

down the block...

whose wares

might be more to your liking.

Thank you for coming in.

May I help you, sir?

Yes.

Would you excuse me a moment?

I couldn't help but overhear.

Excuse me, sir...

but may I say

that your rudeness...

to this hard-working gentleman

is uncalled for?

- Please, sir.

- I beg your pardon.

No, I beg yours, sir.

This gentleman is one

of the finest pastry chefs...

on the eastern seaboard.

- Well, thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Do I know you?

- Of course you do.

What's your point?

You would not know

a good cream puff...

if it jumped up and licked you

on the ass.

It's just a difference in taste.

No.

This man is clearly an imbecile.

Ah, an insult!

- I'm insulted?

- Yes!

- I'm insulted!

- Fine. Good!

Well, I am!

I'm sure you're not

as insulted as him.

- I'm not insulted.

- Oh, yes, you are!

The man works all day

to support his miserable family.

My family isn't

miserable. We're quite happy.

No, you're not!

You're miserable and pathetic.

Look at you.

Well, I...

All day working like a lackey

from rise to set...

sweating in the eye of Phoebus.

I love my work.

No, you don't!

My God, how could you?

- Are you insulting him?

- No, you are!

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