The Infidel
Captions paid for by
tribeca entertainment, llc
Reporter:
Voices were raisedin protest today
At the home office decision
cleric arshad al-masri
Into the u.K.
For a lecture tour.
Al-masri, seen here preaching
in pakistan,
Is a controversial figure
both at home and abroad
And has been linked
The reaction of the british
muslim community
Has been mixed,
with some saying --
oh, f*** off.
[ electronic pop music plays ]
never say what you can he a
when voices whisper
in your ea r
Mommy, mommy,
mommy.
One, two, three.
Move your arms.
Move your arms.
Come on.
[ speaking
indistinctly ]
cold comfort bound
in the night's warm air
That's it.
Come on.
there's someone else
in h ere
Come on, darling.
see it in myself
why don't you close
your eyes at midnight?
Darling, he's here.
Delivery man's here.
why can't you close
your eyes for me?
Is it all there?
Yeah.
[ sighs ]
Whoa! What do you want?
What do you want?
A jihad
on the great satan.
Well, we,
the imperialist empire --
We surrender
to your holy power.
Saamiya:
I wish you wouldn'tteach her those words.
I'm not being funny,
But does lady gaga look
like an ostrich or what?
It'll be
absolutely brilliant.
You've got nothing
to worry about.
I'm sure the weather
will hold out.
on my son.
Oh, yeah,
I promised dad
I'd help him sort out
grandma's house.
Ah, right,
right, right.
No, no, I was
on my way out anyway.
Make sure you carry
all the boxes, okay?
Ta, mahmud.
Hey, ladies.
why don't you close
your eyes at midnight?
what about now?
Okay, mum.
why can't you close
your eyes for me?
why don't you close
your eyes at midnight?
you'd see the other side
of me
other side of me
Whoa!
Weirdo! Aah! Weirdo! Aah!
[ wind whistling ]
about something.
What? Is it the --
is it the new imam?
Look, I know he's a bit
of a "trendy" --
don't do that.
Do what?
The inverted-commas thing.
Yeah. Readily, it is a bit
of a "cunty" thing to do.
Christ, bloody cabbies.
They think they own the road.
Look, here's the thing --
I think I know what you
really want to say. I know.
Do you?
Yeah.
Yeah, uzma's a lovely girl,
but, you know, men --
For men, women are like
a buffet, aren't they?
You know,
you don't want to sit down
Till you've piled your plate up
as high as possible, you know,
So it's toppling
all over, you know.
You got a bit of red meat,
you got a bit of poached salmon,
A bit of turkey meat,
a bit of white meat, huh?
You get my drift?
So, it's an all-you-can-eat
deal, this buffet, is it?
Exactly.
Get off.
Dad, the only woman
I'm interested in is uzma.
I don't like buffets.
I prefer sit-down meals
in restaurants.
Yeah, I know, I know,
I know, restaurants,
Where you always order
the same thing --
Chicken karahi with chips
and tomato sauce.
Yeah, I do.
So next time I need a dose
of middle-aged muslim misogyny,
I will call hanif kureishi.
Dad, I need to tell you
something about the wedding,
And I just need you
to listen, you know, calmly.
Okay, all right.
Okay, you got it.
I'm zen.
I'm gandhi.
Go. Go for it.
Right. Well --
aah! Dad!
Stupid f***.
You stupid
tossing wanker!
What's your f***ing problem?
Learn to f***ing drive!
Wanker!
Moron!
F***ing stupid fuckwits!
All right, where were we?
I know uzma's mum
has been in pakistan.
I'm not completely
out of the loop.
Okay, well, um, she --
she's met someone.
Hmm?
A man.
You know, she's obviously still
a very attractive woman,
Especially the, uh --
Would it upset you
if I said the word "tits"?
Yes.
Although I --
The point -- the point is she's
gonna get married again, right?
Yeah, I'm not surprised,
given the --
No, don't do
the tits action again.
Look, what I'm trying
to say --
When did uzma's dad
die, again?
Three years ago,
so, look --
You know, um,
when my dad died,
I was still so young,
you know?
I didn't want mum to even look
at another man.
But now she's gone, too,
so, looking back --
Uzma's flying out tomorrow
to pakistan
For her mum's wedding,
right, and --
When do we meet
this new stepdad of hers?
Well, um, they're all coming
back week after next,
And he wants
to meet us then...
Yeah?
...Me, mum, you.
Okay, no problems.
So, who is he?
No.
Yeah.
No.
Yes.
No!
That's fair enough, you know,
given the --
Shut it!
Get in here!
Have you gone
completely mental?!
Um, did you put
Don't change the subject!
God, isn't it enough that you
and I put on a rucksack,
We get a whole f***ing
tube carriage to ourselves?
Dad.
Uh, wait a minute.
I know this is in here.
Dad, come on.
Look at this.
Do you know why mum kept that?
I wrote a letter
to this paper once,
Explaining why people like us
have to stand up
To wahhabi nutters
like your would-be dad-in-law.
"this is an issue which should
unite all british muslims,
Whether sunni or shite."
Yeah, well, I wrote a letter
complaining about that,
But they didn't print it
for some reason.
Calm down. Listen.
We need his approval,
or I can't marry uzma.
Give me one thing.
Give me one thing guaranteed
to make me less calm
Than inviting
arshad al-f***ing-stalin
Into my family.
Look.
I just parked
for two minutes!
It was two minutes!
This is my dead mum!
My dead mum!
Tossers!
I don't believe it!
[ panting ]
They never come
'round this way,
Not this time
on a Thursday...
Not unless
someone was...
Was that you?
You f***ing...
What's your problem,
man?
my dead mother's house here!
You got something
against my family?
Is that what it is?
Against mini-cab owners?
Right, yeah, I got it.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[ laughs ]
It's muslims, isn't it?
Muslims.
Come out here.
Stop it. Leave it.
Dad, leave it.
F***ing come out here!
Just leave it.
All right, I'm easy. Easy.
All right, I'm calm.
Stop! Dad, stop it!
Come here!
It's not worth it!
Stop it!
They think
they own the world.
Come on. A minute ago,
it was just the road.
I don't mean cabbies.
The car's at the pound
in charlton street.
I love this one.
Never knew what it meant.
shall be in paradise."
Ah. Yep.
Yep, of course.
Because the prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam was an orphan.
I knew that, rashid.
His father died
before he was born.
You know,
I've read my qur'an.
Yeah, well, the qur'an never
actually mentions his parents.
Anyway, dad,
here's the thing --
I really want
to marry uzma,
And I know her stepdad
might seem a little strict.
Yeah.
But we need him to think
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"The Infidel" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 8 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_infidel_10821>.
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