The Intern Page #9

This motherfreaker

is always in the ride

Jason! Open the door!

Open the f***ing door!

Whoa!

Whoa, okay! Okay!

Hold on! I'm not in!

I'm not in! I'm not in!

I'm in.

Cheers!

You are a crazy

son of a b*tch.

You know that, right?

I didn't, actually.

I'm sure my blood pressure

was through the roof.

But it was worth it.

Good times!

Guys, I can't.

I literally can't thank you

enough for what you just did.

It was...

So above and beyond

and brave and loyal,

I am indebted to you forever.

-No, you're not.

-Well, you're very welcome.

You know.

Takes a team, but it's done.

All taken care of.

Okay.

I'm gonna have another.

Anybody else?

-I would love that.

-Yeah, let's do that.

But could I just get

a half this time?

I'll take his half.

We'll all have doubles.

No, no, no,

it's okay. I can drink.

It's a thing about me.

Now, what are

your names, again?

I never wanna not know you.

I'm Jason. I've worked

for you for, like, a year.

I've delivered things

to your home.

I met Matt a bunch of times.

I've tied your daughter's

shoe before.

I know who you are.

I'm just terrible with names.

It's all right. it's Jason.

You're new, right?

Yeah. I'm Davis. I started

work the same day as Ben.

We're pretty much besties,

and I'm his mentee.

Oh.

He gave me this tie,

for example.

It was his. it's vintage.

"Vintage"

I like it. I like men in ties.

-And you're Lewis.

-Yes.

Yeah, I could hear

a little bit over the phone.

You were very cool

under pressure.

Well, it was my first heist.

I tried to be chill.

Thanks for noticing.

Salud!

Mmm. VVhoo!

Boys, what can I say...

I'm sorry. I didn't

mean to call you "boys"

Nobody calls men

"men" anymore.

Have you noticed?

Women went from

"girls" to "women"

IVlen went from "men" to "boys"?

This is a problem

in the big picture.

-Do you know what I mean?

-Yeah.

I'm gonna have another.

Another? You sure about that?

Yep.

Okay. Here's

my theory about this.

We all grew up during

the "Take Your Daughter

to Work Day" thing, right?

IVlmm-hmm.

So we were always told

we could be anything,

do anything.

And I think guys got,

maybe not left behind,

but not quite as nurtured,

you know?

I mean, like,

we were the generation of,

"You go, girl."

We had Oprah.

And I wonder sometimes

how guys fit in, you know?

They still seem to be

trying to figure it out.

They're still dressing

like little boys.

They're still

playing video games.

Well, they've

gotten great. So...

-There you go.

-Love video games.

-Mmm.

-Oh, boy.

How, in one generation,

have men gone from guys like

Jack Nicholson

and Harrison Ford to...

Take Ben, here.

A dying breed. You know?

Look and learn, boys,

because if you ask me,

this is what cool is.

Thanks, Ace. You're not

gonna drink anymore, right?

Callin' me "Ace"?

That's just super cool, right?

- Definitely.

- Very cool.

Okay, I am officially

a little dizzy.

I apologize for the tirade.

I am gonna go.

But I am forever

in your debt, gentlemen.

Another word which is

never used anymore.

Let's bring it back, shall we?

Yes.

Ben, I'll be Ubering home.

-Thanks again.

- Whoa!

Okay.

I'm so sorry.

-Don't worry.

I'm fine now.

-Okay. It's okay, it's okay.

Oh, I haven't done that

since college.

Thank you.

Oh, man.

Very sorry

you had to see that.

-Humiliating.

-it's all good.

Feeling better?

Yeah.

Yeah, I forgot you gotta

eat before you drink.

I'm good now.

Thank you.

I'll be leaving in a minute.

Just working on making this

the worst possible day

for you.

No, not at all.

You've had a stressful day.

How is it

that you always manage

to say the right thing,

do the right thing,

be the right thing?

It's uncanny.

- You get some rest.

- I will-

Thanks for everything.

Oh.

And, uh...

Sayonara

Absolutely.

Really so nice of you

to do this.

Most women would have

just rescheduled.

Oh, not to worry.

I understand.

-It was unexpected.

-Yeah.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

You're welcome.

-Hi.

-Oh. Come on in.

-I'll go in after you.

-All right.

Benji, you brought

a date to a funeral.

Unreal.

We had plans. Who knew

this was gonna happen?

Well, how do you do?

I'm IVliles.

Hello. Fiona. I'm so

sorry for your loss.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Wowza !

I never went to

a Shiva before.

The laughter was wonderful.

I don't think

I've ever eaten more.

I'm not even sure how

I left with a box of cookies.

Well, you were a big hit.

Giving the widow that

back massage, winning move.

Oh, yeah. She needed it.

I definitely think

it's a good idea

to take all first dates

to a funeral. Yeah.

A real icebreaker,

don't ya think?

I know you're kidding,

but, honestly, who needs

the strain of the dinner date?

And the "Why aren't you

married?" conversation.

At our age, it's not even

possible to catch up.

Well, I can do me

in 10 seconds.

-You ready?

-Yep.

Widower, one son,

two grandkids.

Spent my life

manufacturing phone books,

which no longer

serve a purpose.

I'm currently working as

an intern, having a ball.

And the best news is,

I have a crush on

a girl I met at work.

I'm sorry you lost your wife.

Okay.

Divorced.

Three beautiful daughters.

One grandchild,

a boy, on the way.

I was sick a few years back.

I'm not anymore.

I'm an in-house

e-commerce masseuse.

Love my job.

And I finally meta man

I actually wanna

hang out with.

-Lucky me.

couGHING)

Morning.

Hey, buddy,

you don't look so great.

Yeah, I know.

But believe me,

I look better than I feel.

--Did you see

-the Yankees last night?

-They were on fire.

Oh, man.

Gotta get

somethin' in your stomach.

Honey, honey, honey.

Can you please take

one bite before school?

-Please? Just one bite?

-Hey.

Whats with the waterworks,

little one?

must tom her

that the sitter's

gonna have to take her

to IVIaddie's birthday party

because Matt's feeling sick.

But I don't wanna

go with the sitter.

Ben?

Can you take me?

Please?

Oh, honey?

I'm so sorry, but Ben's

gotta go to work today.

Jules. Come on. It will take

an hour. Let me take her.

I can't believe

we 're still going through this.

I'm going the right way.

Please have a little trust.

But the park

where the party is...

Oh, sorry, Ben.

Actually, this is it.

--You're like a clone.

Oh, boy. This looks

like a nice party.

Yeah, it does.

So which one is Maddie?

The one in the pink.

Okay. The one in the pink.

You can go sit with

the other moms, okay?

Okay. You wanna give

Maddie her present?

Yeah.

Okay.

Have fun.

The other moms.

Freprino or something.

Yeah, I know. I don't

know any of them.

-Hi. I'm Ben.

-Hi. Jane.

-Jane.

-Emily.

Hi, Emily. I'm helping

Matt and Jules out today.

-Oh, are you Matt's dad?

-No,no.

I work for Jules.

Oh.

That's okay?

I've just heard she's,

you know, kinda tough.

Tough? Jules? Sure.

She's a total badass.

I guess that's now she became

an Internet sensation.

Must make you guys proud, huh?

One of your own

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