The Intervention Page #5

It might sound weird...

But maybe it would be good.

And it really could be good.

Okay, what could be good?

- Uh, so bad.

- It's okay.

Um...

Scientists

believe that, um...

As...

As man began to

walk on two legs,

the burden on the mother

was increased.

Uh, because they were

no longer able to

just carry their

young on their back

and go on with

their daily lives.

You know, they needed help.

Thus the need for a partner,

a husband,

if you will, arose.

I'm sorry,

what are you talking about?

What do you think?

Maybe you should...

Just read the letter.

Just gonna read the letter.

"Ruby, I've known

you for my whole life.

"You are like my sister.

"Peter, you are like the brother i never had.

"But not like the brother I have

because he and I are not close.

"I love you both very much.

"And, as your friend,

i can't stand by

"and watch you

suffer without saying..."

Okay, what is happening?

What's happening?

"I remember a time..."

They think you

should get divorced.

What? They think that you

two should get divorced.

We just feel like

you guys are unhappy.

Hold on. So... so let me get this straight.

You all got together

and talked about our marriage.

No. No.

We didn't get together.

It was phone

calls and texts and...

Well, our marriage

is none of your business.

Man, we're just trying

to help you. Both of you.

- You wanna help?

- Yeah.

Annie's, Annie's, postponed

your wedding four times?

Did you ever give

that one some thought?

Like any of you

are f***in' perfect.

All right,

Peter, come on, man.

And you?

You're running all

over the f***in' planet

with a goddamn art student,

afraid of something you're

not even man enough to face.

Peter, I think that maybe if

you just calm down and listen...

"Calm down"? And you. The

fact that you, of all people,

think you have any business

giving anyone relationship advice

Sarah's the first person you've

been with who could rent a car.

Peter, you gotta calm

the f*** down.

I need to calm down? Yes, you

have to calm the f*** down!

"Calm the f*** down"?

Calm the f*** down, yes!

Would you still defend her

if you knew i walked in on her

making out with Lola earlier?

And you wanna talk

about our marriage?

That is not true.

Can you f***ing

believe this?

Ruby.

I'm alone in this?

F*** this.

It...

Babe.

It...

Ruby...

Don't.

This is kind of worst-case

scenario right now, huh?

He made some

interesting points.

I'm gonna tell

you what happened.

Babe, will you please stop?

What?

She kissed me, okay?

Peter said

that you were making out.

No!

She kissed me. Peter walked in. It stopped.

So Peter walking in

is actually why it stopped?

No. No.

Peter walking in

was basically instantaneous.

I would have stopped her.

I guess we'll

just never know, huh?

Are you upset?

No.

Kind of.

It's a little bit weird.

Yeah.

We always said

we would...

We just wanted

to have fun together, right?

Until it stopped being fun?

Nothing too heavy,

nothing too serious.

Could be

somethin' serious.

I'm 22.

Right. Right.

Do you wanna come out

and have a drink?

Can I do anything?

You can get your hand off me

before I break your f***in' wrist.

I'll come back.

Okay, stop, dude.

It's not... that's fine.

Oh! God.

If you could watch a video

of what happened,

you would not be this upset!

Did you wanna kiss her?

The whole thing caught me

completely off-guard.

You know I have

terrible reflexes.

Did you want to kiss her?

Did I wanna kiss her? No.

But did it feel fun and

exciting and dangerous

to get that kind of attention

from some cute, young girl,

and did I like that? Yes.

I really can't

believe this, Jess.

Okay, so when the f***ing rental

car guy is flirting with you,

batting his eyelashes at you, there

is zero part of you that likes it?

There's no part

of you that gets

just like

a little bit excited?

No, Jess. No. Okay?

Because I'm in love with you.

So I don't care.

Well, aren't you

f***in' perfect, then.

Yeah, you're just sittin'

up there on your high horse,

so much better

than everybody else.

You never have

an impure thought or feeling.

Just f***in' saints...

I miss sleeping with men.

Excuse me?

Yeah, I do.

I do. I miss it.

I think about it when you're f***ing

me with a strap-on, like, every time.

And you know how I always say,

like, "i can't tell the difference"?

Well, I can.

It's not as good.

Jess!

Maybe I should go and

try to talk to Ruby again.

Just leave her alone.

Should we try to find him?

It's gonna be dark soon.

No. Let him cool off.

If he's not back after dinner,

we'll go look for him, all right?

This is all my fault.

Except for the Jessie-Sarah

thing. Lola, that's kind of on you.

I'm taking a shower.

I'm gonna take a shower!

Over my dead body!

Get out!

Get out! I'm taking a shower!

I'm in here. Excuse me,

I'm in here right now.

I am also in here now!

Can you not see

that this is crazy?

Don't call me crazy!

These are my feelings.

What do you want?

Do you wanna go kiss Jack?

Would that make

you feel better?

I was being facetious!

Guess we're even.

You swallowed his

whole face.

I liked it.

Am I having a stroke?

Should we do something?

What do you mean, like kiss?

No.

Are you done?

Hey.

No. There's really...

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Stop this! Stop! That is

enough! That is enough!

You are both

acting like animals.

You are better than this.

No, one of us is.

Oh, cut the sh*t!

Lola? Jessie?

Do the two of you

want to run off together?

I didn't do anything...

Can you just

answer my question?

No.

No.

No.

No.

do you wanna break up with

Jessie about this nonsense?

No.

Jessie, whatever

you did or did not do,

you did or did not do enough

to allow Lola's face to get

close enough to your face

to even make this

a conversation at all.

Lola, take this as a lesson.

No one likes a Jolene.

Sarah, I understand

that you are upset.

I would not be thrilled about

this either. But Jessie loves you.

She's a good person.

And you know that.

We are all under

a lot of stress,

so let's just sit down,

drink some of that

incredible chardonnay

and calm the f*** down.

Okay?

We should probably

go look for Pete.

Matt... all right.

Sorry.

We should split up, okay?

Okay.

If you find him, call.

Split up?

Yes.

All right. See you, guys.

I'm gonna go this way.

Okay, I'll go this way.

Well, Jessie, you probably

don't wanna go alone.

'Cause of the dark.

I'll be fine.

But you probably would be more

comfortable if i came with you. Right?

Would you be

more comfortable?

I mean,

if that's what you need.

Let's go.

Hey.

Do you want any help?

Sure.

She didn't kiss me back.

I know it doesn't make it

any better, but I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Am I the first

girl Jack's dated

since him and his

wife got divorced?

They didn't get divorced.

Mary died a year

and a half ago.

But, yes, you're the first

person that he's dated since.

Hmm.

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