The Invisible War Page #8

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you know, why.

'cause it's like,

"I'm your husband, why?"

And I don't-

I don't fully understand now.

- I see it in my dreams.

That's what

you don't get.

I don't wanna talk

about this stuff.

And you know that

I don't like, uh-

- Yeah, well,

that's the hard part.

I don't know-

I wanna help you.

But I don't know,

you know?

- But-

- I want to.

- You can't-

you can't help me.

Like, that's the thing,

is you can't.

Sometimes I think

if when he has sex with me

Is thinking about, you know,

me getting raped.

Is he upset?

Is he-you know?

'cause I think-

I think about that.

It'll run-never does it not

run through my head.

That's why I didn't

wanna have sex for awhile.

- What if you

were in my spot?

- It would suck so bad.

- Wouldn't you wanna-?

- I'm not saying

I don't appreciate you.

You're gonna make me cry,

baby.

This is why I don't

express it to you, rob.

'cause it does upset me.

[crying]

Like, we almost

split up 'cause of this stuff.

And I feel like

I'm responsible for it.

I don't know what I'd do

if I lost rob.

[sobbing]

I don't.

I'd be so lost.

He's, like,

my only supporter.

Like my own blood.

I have interviewed women

in the civilian world.

And rape is a very,

very traumatizing

Things to have happen.

Um, but I've never

seen trauma like I've seen

From women who are veterans

Who have suffered

military sexual trauma.

- I cannot remember

how many times

A young female marine

that had been raped

Or sexually assaulted

had told me that

She looked at these guys

as her brother,

Or the suspect

as her brother.

- It's akin to what happens

in a family with incest.

Because, you know,

in the military,

When we're functioning

at our best

In a cohesive unit, uh,

With brothers and sisters.

You know, the band

of brothers and sisters.

I mean, we are family.

When that bond of trust

is violated-

[sighs]

The wound penetrates

to the very most

Inner part of one's soul,

one's psyche.

- I have this folder

that I keep.

I have all my boot camp

letters in it

From my mom and my sister

and, um, people and...

I was just going through

some of this stuff

And I'm like, "what's this?"

you know?

And I open it up

and I'm like, "oh, my god.

My suicide letter."

"mom, I'm sorry for the grief

that you must feel.

"just because

I'm gone physically

"doesn't mean I won't

be there spiritually.

"I truly feel like god

will take me without question,

"even though I took

my own life.

"I've had the most broken

thoughts, dreams,

"and physical pain

to remind me

"of the horrific acts

upon me

"that happened

while on duty.

"a mother, brother, sister,

and husband

"should never live

with knowing

"the horrible acts

upon me.

"find peace in knowing

that the body left behind

"doesn't consume my soul.

"I am free now

and I'm not afraid.

[crying]

Ready to soar,

kori danielle."

- I took a whole bottle

of pills

And woke up,

strangely enough.

I'm not sure why.

[chuckles]

At that point in my life,

I just wanted it to be over.

And I think was 20, 21.

And then, um,

within the next year

I tried again.

- I went out into

the garage,

Which is separate

from the house,

And I turned the car on.

I was gonna sit in the car

and asphyxiate myself.

And we have this

little poodle blondie.

She out her little

doggy door

And she's scratching

and howling at the door,

And I said, "shut up.

God damn it, you're gonna

wake my wife up."

So I get out

and shut the car off.

And I thought for a minute,

"I'll just take her

In the garage

with me."

And then I says,

"why would you kill the dog?

That's stupid."

And then it dawned on me,

"well, why would you

kill yourself?"

- I thought of it

so many times

And in so many ways.

I thought about,

at one point in time,

Hanging myself

from the flagpole

With a sign on me

and explain-

Saying exactly what happened,

to make him feel bad.

- I was gonna, uh, overdose

on pain medication

And sleeping medication.

And I just hoped that

I'd fall asleep

And my body

would just shut down

Or do something.

Um-

When I went to the doctor,

I had been feeling sick

And dizzy and nauseated.

And, um, they took my urine

And they told me

that I was pregnant.

I was like, "you know,

there's a life in there."

You know?

"and maybe her life

will be better than mine.

And I gotta make sure

of that."

[crying]

so-

She's very special.

- Sometimes it takes

a different kind of action

To cause change to come.

And sometimes

that's a lawsuit.

- I grew up

on military bases.

My dad was career army.

When I was a child,

when we answered the phone,

We used to have to say,

"colonel burke's quarters."

And because of that,

I have an understanding

Of the level of control

that the military exercises

That perhaps most

in civilian life don't have.

The feres doctrine

is a judicial doctrine

That was developed

by the supreme court

That says, "if you're

in the military,

"you cannot sue for something

that happens to you

That's incident

to your military service."

If military doctors

amputate the wrong limb,

You are out of luck.

You cannot sue for that-

For that harm

that's been done to you.

So we filed a lawsuit

in federal court

On behalf

of 16 men and women

Seeking to bring, uh,

former secretary rumsfeld

And secretary gates

to justice.

- I heard about the lawsuit

And decided to become

a part of it

Because I never wanted

another woman

To go through

what I went through.

I'm-

oh, I've been so sick.

Like, just sick

to my stomach.

And I think right now

I'm just kind of like,

"just get there."

I'm, like, numbing myself

just to get there.

And then I know

when I get there, it should-

I don't know.

I don't know.

- The lawsuit alleges that

they have overseen a system

That has deprived

the rape survivors

Of their

constitutional rights.

Specifically, we allege

that they deprive them

Of their

substantive due process,

Procedural due process,

Equal protection,

and first amendment rights.

- It made me sick

to see everybody's stories,

And how they kinda closely

tie together.

Everybody's story

somehow has a-

It's consistent, like,

what the military does

To people like us.

- All the things

that they've put in place

Are all pretty much intended

To help women deal

with being raped better.

That's what they're about.

I joined the military

halfway through

My senior year

of high school,

Wanting to serve my country,

and do new things,

And challenge myself

in a different way.

I was in the army

about seven or eight years

Before anything ever

happened to me.

I was raped by another

c.I.D. Agent

Who was senior to me.

I was contacted by an agent

with fort riley c.I.D.

Who said they were

investigating the suspect

As a serial rapist

who had raped

Several military

law enforcement women.

I thought there was

no way that, you know,

He wouldn't be convicted.

If I have a difficult time

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