The Jane Austen Book Club Page #2

Women want to share,

but men, they hoard what they read,

if they crack open a book.

Does your husband read?

He reads stuff online.

You know, it's gonna be

like extracting teeth to get Sylvia,

because she has to read so much already.

She works at the state library. But, oh!

Hey, no. Okay.

Now, this is brilliant.

We'll only do books we've already read.

Is that inspired?

How do we know what books

all of us have read?

Isn't it obvious?

Mansfield Park, Pride and Prejudice,

Emma, Northanger Abbey, Persuasion.

- I'm leaving some...

- Sense and Sensibility.

And Sense and Sensibility.

It's been three years

since I've read Sense and Sensibility.

I have to pee.

When I get back, hot water and lemon.

And we still have to think

of two more people.

Six novels, six people.

We'll each be responsible for one book.

All Jane Austen, all the time!

It's the perfect antidote.

- To what?

- To life.

I get Pride and Prejudice.

I called the library

and said you had bronchitis.

Anne Marie's moving your indigenous

peoples meeting to next week.

I should go in.

Pam Gower did her law degree at Bolt,

passed the bar in 2002.

She's an infant.

She joined the firm

of Perry, Liebman, Avila in 2006.

Says here she was divorced in 2005.

B*tch. She went right for Daniel.

She's 45.

She's not even young.

- Do you think he has a brain tumor?

- I think he fell in love.

Well, I'm rooting for the brain tumor.

People our age don't fall in love.

I mean, I've never even been in love.

- You've never been in love?

- I've had sexual partners.

I mean, I don't know.

I wouldn't mind falling in love,

but it just all seems

like fiction to me, anyway.

Well, for a fiction,

he just threw 20 years of marriage away

on an impulse.

Do you think he was thinking,

the whole time,

"I can't wait to get out of here?"

- Am I really that uninteresting?

- No.

- I can't believe I'm alone at this age.

- Mom, you're not alone.

And listen to me.

Alone's not the end of the world.

For as many years as you've been married

I've been quite happily unmarried.

It's just so unfair.

He can start his life over again.

And at this age.

You know, men can do that.

Women... It's over.

You're beautiful, Mommy.

Yes, and accomplished and interesting.

You're not without your options, Sylvia.

Daniel's the one with options.

He can sleep with anyone.

Twenty-year-olds.

People will say, "Way to go, Daniel."

If I tried to sleep with someone

that age, it'd be pathetic.

Well, yeah, that's 'cause

guys my age are lame.

- My body will become a museum.

- No, it won't.

We'll get you a membership to my gym.

You might even meet somebody.

I don't wanna meet someone.

I wanna pull the covers over my head

and read novels.

And eat.

I'm starving.

Allegra, mija, go get me a dozen eggs.

- I'm gonna make a flan.

- Okay.

Can you stay with her this weekend?

- Actually, I'm moving back in.

- Really?

My lease is almost up and, you know,

I won't let her be here alone.

Oh, sweetie, that's... Thank you.

You're amazing.

See, that's why people have children.

My father left my mom when I was 10.

Sylvia was the first person I told.

That's when I knew

we were really best friends.

I'm gonna be at Stockton

at the Breeders' Convention,

if you need me, okay?

- Are you here for the Buffy conference?

- Oh, no.

Excuse me.

My dog has the same exact collar.

- She was invisible.

- What?

It's a game. They're vampires.

When you see one of them

with their arms crossed like that,

you should pretend you don't see her.

That's why she didn't answer you.

Nothing personal.

Thanks.

- My name's Grigg.

- Greg?

Grigg, G-R-l-G-G.

Oh. I'm meeting some people, Grigg.

Okay.

Can I have a whiskey straight up?

Excuse me. Could I apologize? I'm Jocelyn.

Your friend isn't coming?

I'm meeting him a little later.

So how do you know so much

about the "faux vampire" scene?

That's funny. Well, it's...

I'm here for a sci-fi conference.

So the Buffy contingent is a kind of,

you know, offshoot of that.

Yeah. You read much science fiction?

I'm more of a Jane Austen,

Jane Eyre kind of girl.

Oh, right, yeah. No, I never really...

Read those books? Yeah. Yeah.

So, where do you live?

I just relocated to the Sacramento area.

I do tech support at U.

You know who you might like?

Ursula Le Guin.

Left Hand of Darkness. Lathe of Heaven.

She's science fiction

but she's just a terrific writer.

- Have to check her out.

- Yeah.

My sisters love those books.

I really think you might like them.

And I'm willing to be directed as well.

Seriously, you know,

if you tell me who I should be reading,

I promise to read it.

I'll give you my email.

That's the old one.

I'll write those books, too.

You know what I'm actually

wondering before I go?

How do you feel about older women?

Great. Yeah.

I have three older sisters, so...

You know, I like all women.

Good. That's great.

- Well, thanks. I'll be in touch.

- Oh, okay.

Great.

- Yeah, bye.

- Bye.

Oh, good, Prudie, you're here.

Save these tables, okay?

Oh, Jocelyn, Prudie.

- Hi, how are you?

- Hello. Good.

- So what do you want, Prudie?

- A soy cappuccino.

I have to be allowed

to miss one meeting out of the six.

I can only do this if there's no pressure.

- Hey. Mom's looking for parking.

- Hi.

That's Prudie. Say hi.

We're still only five. Too bad about Daniel.

He could've filled in, although clearly

he's never read Jane Austen.

For Prudie's sake,

the last thing we need is an Austen virgin.

We need real discussion.

I sort of invited someone.

Said he might come, maybe.

- He?

- No one I'm interested in.

He's young, compliant,

said he might enjoy being in a book club.

I'm sure Daniel's read Jane Austen.

No man who reads Austen

would ever dump his wife

because it's better for the other woman.

Chai latte with a shot.

I'm so sorry. I'm really behind.

I got slammed with orders on my website.

I've actually... I've started adding

these little dangles at the top here.

- What do you think?

- I'm no judge.

I mean, my idea of jewelry

is Coco Chanel's Byzantine oeuvre

from the 1920s.

Oh! Definitely. Yeah, I get that.

Being the only child of a woman

who gave birth in a commune

after changing her name to Sky Girl,

I've come to loathe hippie handicrafts.

There she is.

Actually, I'm not so sure

I wanna do this book club.

So, quick, while Sylvia's still in line,

how she's doing without Daniel?

She's still stuck in the wounded stage.

- When she's ready for anger, I am so there.

- Me, too.

My dad left my mom.

Prudie is no stranger

to marital disappointment.

Actually, we're fine now.

You're married? But no ring, huh?

Yeah, it's this hand, and... I teach French.

You teach French, so you wear your

wedding ring on the right hand?

- It's a European custom.

- Are you European?

So Prudie, you haven't said which book

you wanna be responsible for.

Maybe Persuasion.

'Cause I'm increasingly drawn

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes