The Journey is the Destination

Dan:
Mission statement

for safari as a way of life.

I want to see and do

so many things.

I want this road to end

so that I can start.

The only problem is,

where do I start?

Where... Do... I... Start?

Where do I start?

Where do I start?

Where do I start?

What's so funny?

Okay. All right.

Beautiful.

There we go.

One, two, three.

Mission statement

for safari as a way of life.

To explore the unknown

and the familiar,

the distant and near,

and to record in detail

with the eyes of a child

any evidence of beauty...

Of the flesh or...

Or otherwise,

uh, horror, irony,

traces of utopia or hell.

Look for solutions,

not problems,

and search for clean water

in a swamp.

Select your team with care,

but when in doubt,

take on some new crew

and give them a chance.

Avoid at all costs

fluctuations of sincerity

with your best people.

The hitchhiker's guide

to Southern Africa.

Up to town, down for local.

Diepsloot, Orange grove, Jersey,

or just moving on.

Doing good.

How you doing?

That's my sister.

That's my sister.

No, no, no.

Ah, you park in the back

with my daughter.

Thank you.

Come on.

Godspeed.

I'll tell you

what the answer is.

Purely mathematical.

Every white man has got

to kill nine black guys.

That's the solution.

The mathematical solution?

Yeah. Go into Soweto,

level it.

Don't stop halfway.

I mean, America

killed the Indians.

Australia killed the aborigines.

It's a point of national pride.

Anyone who tells you different

is a bloody hypocrite.

Dan:
My first real Nazi.

Erik, there's a joker

who wants to know

if we can accommodate him

for the night.

Come, bud.

Curiosity killed the cat.

Dan:
What were you

charged with, sir?

The usual:
3,000 volts.

Would you like the light

left on or off?

On, please.

I'll do some reading.

Dan:
Do unto others

before they do unto you.

That statement will be

beaten into some of you.

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Yes for peace!

Whoo!

Hey, mum.

Oh, my sweetheart!

It's so wonderful, so wonderful.

I am so sorry

I can't stay tonight.

Oh, no.

What about the dinner?

You know that's more

your father's crowd than mine.

But I will make it up to you.

I promise, okay?

Yeah.

Love you very much.

Congratulations.

Fantastic.

She's living in the guest house.

At least until

she leaves for good.

Where will she go?

London. Far.

She'll miss

the special brownies.

How special?

Special enough

to make you forget

about her leaving for tonight.

This is up north near Turkana.

Yeah, these are some

of my Samburu friends,

and they had actually told me

that they'd let me come back

for their circumcision

and shoot that.

I thought maybe I could

do that for the service.

Um, that's my sister Amy

and a cheetah.

Oh, sorry. Some of the guys

who work carving statues.

Do you pose them?

Just a bit, just for the light.

Reporter on TV;

Continues unabated.

Earlier predictions

of a disaster

are now a grim reality

unless humanitarian relief

efforts are stepped up.

There are some very nice

images. Personal.

Mm.

Maybe more personal

than journalistic.

Well, what about these?

So this is Kipinget.

She used to live in a Boma,

and the government moved them

to this settlement

and outlawed their

traditional cattle raids...

There's never a boring story.

Only a boring correspondent.

You came here looking

for the dream job.

I'm afraid

I can't give it to you.

I'll tell you

what you want to do.

You want to get out there

in the real world

where there's warm beer

and smelly p*ssy.

Then bring me back

some real stories.

What'd he say?

He says we need smelly

beer and warm p*ssy.

Or was it the other way around?

Food and medicine

are in short supply.

With great need for refugee

support contributions...

Now, something should

be done about that.

So far,

the response has been slow.

Eiji. It's Dan.

I've been thinking

about your talent

for fleecing the defenseless

and the gullible.

Do you own a suit?

For lunch, I brought...

To support

the Mozambique refugees.

It's for a good cause, people.

Amy? How do you say

hello in Swedish?

Marte's Norwegian, Dan.

Hi, Marte. It's Dan.

We're planning a trip

taking money

to the refugees in Mozambique.

Elly, it's Dan Eldon.

Yeah, well, there

are cheap flights,

so New York, London,

Kenyan airways to Nairobi,

then three weeks of terrible

roads through three countries.

Great.

My lady, big smile

for Mozambique!

All right.

Thanks, ma'am.

$100 for one tee-shirt.

Thank you very much.

Right. Who's next?

Guys, it's 100 shillings

for the plain

and two for the custom,

including artist's signature.

It's all for

a good cause. 80.

Hey, thanks, Dan.

How do we know this isn't going

straight into the

Eldon Tusker beer fund

instead of the refugees?

Because we'll be

taking it personally.

- In that?

- That is a she.

It's Deziree.

So how you gonna

get to the camps?

Uh, we're just gonna aim

in their general direction.

Explore.

Explore or get lost?

Getting lost would mean we

knew where we were heading

in the first place.

Which we don't.

I've convinced Marte

to be navigator.

So you have, Lengai.

Elly is our cook.

Eiji's the

videographer/accountant,

and Amy's our driver.

Whoa, no.

I'm not driving.

And Amy's come up

with a name, right, Mutz?

"Deziree sex safaris"?

I think it'll work.

We're gonna need a mechanic.

Right. Guys, dig deep

for Mozambique.

All right, next.

Thank you very much.

Next. Let's go.

White men can't dance.

Who's that?

Who?

Her.

Oh, the Princess.

She was in

the international school

with the rest of us in my class.

You know, Saba,

with the glasses.

Didn't recognize you without

the coke-bottle glasses.

I can wear them for you

if it helps.

It would actually, yeah.

How'd you learn to do that?

Do what?

The speed.

The speed is not human.

Hold on.

Guys? Guys?

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Okay, okay, okay.

Can you start slowly -

like dragging out of bed -

then speed up fast? Okay?

Yeah?

Ah, Swahili?

Little bit, yeah.

The floor is yours.

Whoo!

Well, all right!

Where shall we go?

Nowhere.

I have to go home.

I'll take you home.

No. I have a driver.

You should come with us.

Come with you where?

On safari...

To the camps.

Not a chance.

How can you say that?

It's for a good cause.

You don't know my father.

Yeah, well, exactly.

She never sits down.

Dan, why don't you tell

my father about your travels?

Well, every school break,

I try and go somewhere.

So Moscow, New York, Tokyo.

Father:
Hmm.

And, uh, your parents,

do they fund your adventures?

No, no. I earn my own way.

I spend nothing.

I don't eat much.

Mm, last year, I was in India

selling jewelry

and taking photographs.

Dan has been to 46 countries.

Yes, but India.

Who in god's name would

want to go to India?

Terribly poor.

A little bit like the slums

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