The Kentuckian Page #2

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- This your young 'un?

- There's three of us.

There's three of you. Come on in!

- Sophie! Elias is here!

- In a shake!

You wouldn't remember your Uncle Zack.

Shake hands.

- How are you, boy?

- This here is Hannah.

- How do, miss?

- How do you do?

- We've brought something for you.

- Oh?

- For your innards.

- Oh!

That's nice! Mighty nice!

But you got no business

spending your money on fancies.

Take off your duds. Sit down, y'all.

Well, Elias!

And here's Little Eli all grown up almost!

That hair's pretty enough for a girl.

You must have lost your shears,

you and your pa both.

This is Hannah, Sophie.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hannah?

- She come with us.

Oh. I didn't get the last name.

- Hannah Bolen.

- Pa freed her with our Texas money.

It cost 200 dollars.

A bound girl?

We're all going to Texas.

I see.

You got to take things for what they are.

Pity you didn't train that hound, Little Eli.

He didn't need no training.

He was natural-born smarter than any fox,

weren't he, Pa?

Get down, Faro. Heel.

Hannah and Little Eli are plumb wore out.

Can you bed them down or not?

Take it easy, Eli. Don't get your dander up.

We have a cabin for the girl

and you and Little Eli can stay here.

No.

Thanks all the same, but I'll be going. I

wouldn't want to cause trouble in a family.

You can't go, Hannah.

- We'll all go.

- Eli.

- Please.

- I will...

- I'll stay the night.

- That's sensible.

- Sophie, show her to her cabin.

- I can find my own way.

Hannah. We don't have to stay.

Zack's my brother and all...

I'll stay the night and then I'll go to work.

- Work? Where?

- The tavern. He said he could use me.

I don't cotton to the man.

We'll go, right now.

Where, Eli?

Unless you work for your brother,

what'll you do for Texas money?

I'll find something.

Come to your senses, Eli.

Between the two of us,

both of us working,

we ought to be able to save up

steamboat fare for you and Little Eli.

Your pappy'll never get to Texas

unless he uses his head.

Good night, now.

- So he spent his Texas money.

- He can earn more.

Not in time.

Not before the steamboat sails.

I'll let him fish for mussels, I'll have him

help me around the warehouse.

But he can't make enough

and we won't tell him.

- I know...

- I know what's best.

I'll make a businessman out of him.

You leave it to me.

I'll work the buckskin

out of him and off of him both.

He's my little brother.

How will we know

when the steamboat gets here, Pa?

I figure it'll be big enough to see.

But what if it's night?

Most steamboats got a whistle.

We'll keep an ear out for the whistle.

Pa, look!

Well, I declare! Looks like a pearl.

Must be a pearl.

A whopper!

Is it worth something?

- I wonder.

- As much as 200 dollars?

I just wonder.

But is it ours?

Do we have to tell Uncle Zack?

He bargained for the shells, that's all.

And seeing he's so keen

to make a businessman out of me...

In this bottle, ladies and gentlemen,

in this bottle is the very reptile

that changed the course of history

Yes, this very reptile.

The most poisonous serpent

known to man.

One nip from this fellow

and the gates of eternity open.

I was traveling in Egypt...

Not now, sir.

You, sir.

In good time I shall offer to the public

my secret herbal elixir,

the certain cure for aches and shakes,

for languishments of the limbs

and troubles of the trunk.

But let us not descend to commerce

until my story's done.

And I'll thank you not to interrupt!

I was traveling in old Egypt

and I befriended an ancient wise man.

Dead now, bless his bones.

And with his dying breath,

he told me that this was the very asp

that Cleopatra

clutched so closely to her bosom.

One stroke, two, and she was dead.

That haughty queen, that divinity of form,

that perfect pearl of pulchritude.

He's a windbag,

but high educated, mighty high.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

refined and scientificated

through the ages,

has come to us, as by a miracle,

a medicine, a balm

to make your aching joints

as supple as a serpent's.

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen...

What'll it be?

I wanted to tell this gentleman

how pretty his talk was. I sure admired it.

Thank you, sir.

I spoke the simple truth.

That part about the pearl.

The perfect pearl of pulchritude,

meaning beauty, of course.

It put me in mind

of a freshwater pearl I know about.

- A freshwater pearl?

- From a mussel, I guess it was.

I don't understand you.

You see, a friend of mine's got it.

Lives over at Prideville.

Proceed, sir.

It may be that I know the man.

My travels have taken me far and wide.

He says it's as big as a pigeon egg

and he wants to trade it off.

Did you ever see a pearl that size,

fresh or salt?

Never will. When I do, I'll bid on it myself.

- You?

- Why not? I like pearls.

Why not, indeed? You manufacture

money in this humble hostelry?

Some. At least I don't sell medicine.

An insulting remark,

but I'll forgive you for it,

remembering, as the Bard of Avon said,

that the quality of mercy is not strained.

If you're so smart,

tell us poor folks who's gonna outbid me.

- Jimmy Monroe, that's all.

- Who?

James Monroe, president of these

United States, resident in Washington DC.

Jimmy's the biggest collector

of freshwater pearls in the world,

barring the crowned heads of Europe.

You have been around, haven't you?

Around enough

not to butt into others' conversations.

- I was talking to this gentleman.

- That's all I wanted to know. Thanks.

- I'll get word to my friend.

- You're welcome.

And...

good fortune to him.

- I didn't know that...

- Shh.

I didn't know

freshwater pearls was worth anything.

They're not, you fool!

Fletcher stuffed him like a sausage!

Come on, boys! Drinks are on the house!

Mussel.

Mussel.

M-U-C...

Boys! Please!

The company's here.

Coming.

We'd better get down.

I'm stumped, anyhow.

Come on, you two.

I want you to meet Miss Susie Spann.

This is my little brother Eli.

- How do you do?

- Pleased to meet you, miss.

- And this is Little Eli.

- I'm glad to meet you.

And this is Faro.

Miss Susie's our schoolteacher.

Sit down, y'all.

Hey!

Come on, Faro.

I imagine I'll be seeing a great deal of you,

Little Eli.

What grade will you be in?

We didn't aim to...

We're bound for Texas, miss.

Oh?

Oh! Heavens to Betsy!

It'll be on in a shake, folks.

- Then you've been to Texas before?

- No, ma'am.

That's our reason for going. We ain't been.

Eli has the itchy foot and don't know

the medicine is to stop scratching.

You don't think you'll like it here?

I told Elias

that boy ought to learn his letters.

I'm sure his father knows

what's best for him.

Miss Susie's topnotch in everything.

Can you spell "mussel"?

M-U-S-C-L-E.

- Not that kind. They've been fishing.

- M-U-S-S-E-L.

Susie's playing for the backwoods tonight.

He goes for pearls sure enough, huh?

Stan, I was only funning.

So was I.

Hannah!

Yes?

Dig out a bottle of my best wine.

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