The Kids Are All Right

Oh, my God.

Joni, there are

so many hotties

in your class.

You are so gonna hook up

the first week.

Just because you're a 24-hour

drive-thru doesn't mean

everyone else has to be.

Hey,

she worked her ass off.

She deserves

some hot jock sausage.

Gross.

That's disgusting.

Why don't you guys

just do it and

get it over with?

What? I'm just saying.

Maybe because

we're friends.

B minus

in geometry, dude.

This sh*t is the bomb.

Add that sh*t up.

Don't be

such a b*tch, dude.

Yeah.

Hey, ladies! Come on,

take it down a notch.

Hey! Hey!

What did I just say, huh?

Come here.

Come here, big boy.

Let's see what you got.

Come on, get him!

Come on, what you got?

Let's see it. Come on.

Come on, Dad.

Your pits smell

like burnt ass.

- Burnt ass?

- Yeah.

Get out of here.

Take it to his house.

Laser, cut it out.

That's driving me crazy.

I'm not doing anything.

Calm down.

You calm down.

H i, guys.

Hey, babe.

- Hey, Mom.

- Sorry I'm late.

No, don't worry.

We just started.

Come on.

That's enough.

Oh, my God.

All in the lining.

That's disgusting.

Yeah.

We're eating.

Wow. Did they do that

laparoscopically?

That's right, smart girl.

We got them all.

Hey, whose truck is that?

Mine.

Yours?

Isn't it wicked?

Mmm-hmm.

For the business.

What business?

Oh, you mean

the gardening?

Isn't it landscape design?

Thank you very much.

I got a great deal.

It was super cheap.

Okay. Do we have any

more of the Fiddlehead?

I don't know.

I didn't look, honey.

- Hey, what's up?

- Yo, what's up, dude?

Laser, no phone calls

at the table, all right?

Dude, I shaved my dog.

Are you still feeling it?

Yeah. Hey,

let me hit you back.

For sure.

Who's that?

That was nobody.

J ust Clay.

Can I ask you something?

What do you get

from your relationship

with Clay?

What do you mean "get"?

Well, we just feel like

he's a little untended.

Do you think he's

the kind of person who's

gonna help you grow?

Hey, did you get started

on those thank-you notes

for the birthday presents?

Mom, you're windshield wiping.

Come on.

- Not yet, but I will.

- Okay.

I just think it's better

to knock them out

when it's fresh.

Yeah, I'll do

them tonight.

I mean, you don't want

to have to start with

an apology. You know?

Then it's embarrassing.

Mom, I know.

- It's okay, honey.

- She got it.

Let it go.

Okay. I'll let it go.

I mean,

if it was up to you,

our kids wouldn't even write

thank-you notes.

You know, they'd just

send out good vibes.

That's not nice.

Do you believe

our baby's 18?

No, I can't.

You big girl.

Such a big girl.

Big girl. Big girl.

Mom.

What?

Oh. Thank you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

What are you doing?

Writing my thank-you notes.

That's good.

You know,

you don't have to start

with an apology.

Yeah, that'd

be embarrassing.

That's terrible.

Hey, have you

thought any more about

making that call?

Yeah, I don't want to.

How can you not even

be curious about it?

Look, I'm leaving soon,

and I don't want to have

to deal with that right now.

Also, that could really

hurt Moms' feelings.

God, why do you

have to worry about

them so much?

They don't even

have to know about it.

Look, you can do it

when you turn 18, okay?

I never ask you

for anything.

I just don't understand

why you bought the truck now.

Because if I'm gonna

start this business,

I need something

to haul my equipment in.

Okay.

It just seems a little

cart before the horse.

What does that mean?

Well, sweetie,

you don't have

any clients yet.

You know,

you're the one

who's always telling me

to act "as if."

That's true. I do.

You're right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's good you bought

the truck.

It's proactive.

Yeah.

Hey, you wanna

watch a movie?

A movie-movie?

Yeah. We haven't

done that in a while.

All right.

You know, I don't

like the guys in this one.

They're too shaved.

Don't focus on it.

Okay.

F***. Oh, my God.

Hey, hey, I'm cold.

I can't

breathe, honey.

Well...

Sh*t!

Sh*t!

Where's the remote?

Where's the remote?

Oh, my God.

The whole neighborhood

heard that.

No, they didn't.

Sh*t.

That was a vibe kill.

Hey, hey, Brooke,

can you do me a favor?

Can you get that

Swiss chard for me?

Sure, no problem.

Thanks.

How are you?

Hey, Paul.

Hey, foxy.

Hey.

Mmm.

Flapjack, you are

smelling ripe.

Oh, sorry.

That's all right.

I kind of like it.

Oh, yeah?

It's earthy.

I've been out

in the garden hoeing.

How are we doing tonight?

It's gonna be tight.

Oh, really?

Go to work.

See you.

Hello?

- Hi.

- Is this Paul Hatfield?

Yes, it is. Who's this?

My name is Wendy Mitner,

and I'm calling from

The Pacific Cryobank.

Okay, Wendy Mitner.

What can I do for you?

I just need to confirm

that this is the same

Paul Hatfield

that donated sperm with us

between 1991 and 1993.

Yeah, I did a little bit

of that back then, sure.

Well, as you know,

the Cryobank has a

confidentiality policy

which prohibits us

from releasing your identity

without your consent.

No... Yeah, yeah,

yeah, I knew that.

Well, we've been contacted

by a young woman

conceived using your donation,

and she's asked

if you'd be open to

having contact with her.

Yeah, I'd be conceivably

into something like that.

Yeah.

Great, Mr. Hatfield.

I'll let her know and get

back in touch soon.

Thanks.

Oh...

I mean,

I was 19 years old.

It was, like,

just so long ago.

I totally forgot about it.

I never thought

they'd ever use my stuff.

Why not?

Well, I'd use it.

Oh, baby.

It's weird.

There's a kid out there.

I mean, I'm kind of

curious, I think.

Yeah?

Yeah.

So what are you gonna do?

I don't know.

What would you do?

I don't know.

You got to figure it out.

Yeah, no doubt.

All right, I got to go now.

All right.

Thanks for coming.

It was really nice.

I'll see you tomorrow.

So, drive safe.

M-E-R. "Zoomer."

No way.

That is so not a word.

No, it totally is.

That's not a word.

If you're gonna

zoom somewhere,

then you're a zoomer.

A person who zooms.

So that would be...

Let's see, that's 31...

Hello?

Hi.

I'm looking for

Joni Allgood.

Yeah, this is she.

Hey.

This is Paul,

your donor.

Eleven points

for Mommy.

Oh! H i.

Hey. Don't be a zoomer.

Hey.

Come back.

Is this a good time to talk?

Yeah. No,

this is great.

So, how are you?

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

I'm well, thanks.

Wendy at the Cryobank

was talking about maybe...

Oh, yeah. Well.

Actually, my brother

asked if I'd call you,

because I'm 18,

and he's only 15,

which is,

you know, which is

too young to call.

Anyway, he'd like

to meet you.

You know,

if you want to.

Your brother?

Yeah. Well, technically

he's my half-brother.

Each of my moms had a kid,

you know, with...

With your...

With your sperm.

Like in both of them?

Yeah.

Like in two?

U h-huh. Like in gay.

Oh! Right. Right.

Right on.

Right on.

Yeah, cool. I...

I love lesbians.

Great.

So you wanna,

I don't know, get a bite

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