The Kiss Page #2

and I died.

And afterwards, we checked into

this very glamorous motel room...

...and we sat there drinking

our lemon gin and 7 UP.

Very chic.

And things started getting

very hot and heavy.

And...

...well, we started--

-Do you want mayo?

-Brenda!

-What?

-Tell me!

Well, soon, I mean,

one thing led to another...

...and we started to do it.

Did it hurt?

Are you kidding? It hurt like hell.

No, no, no. I was ready for that.

What really freaked me out is,

it was pitch black by now...

...and I looked down, and something

was glowing in the dark.

And it was his thing.

It was glowing green.

-What?

-He was wearing...

...a glow-in-the-dark condom.

Can you believe it?

I couldn't watch it. I lost it.

I started killing myself laughing,

and I couldn't stop.

Poor guy is probably still

seeing a shrink over me.

Eat, or you'll never grow up

to be a gorilla.

Come on, honey. It's okay.

You're Jack?

Yes.

I'm sorry. I didn't expect

to meet you this way.

I'm so embarrassed.

I should have called.

I am Felice Dunbar.

-Hilary's sister.

-Hello.

This is Amy, our daughter.

Amy.

You don't know how much

I've wanted to meet you.

You were at the funeral.

Yes, I was.

I didn't realize you were there.

It would have been all right

for you to be with us.

Can I help?

Your mom and I weren't very close

for a while.

I really loved her.

It really means a lot to me

to be in my sister's home.

Amy's a great kid.

You must be so proud of her.

I am.

Wait.

You could be a model.

You have such a beautiful face.

Look at this.

You look really good, honey.

"Really good"? She looks great.

So, what happened

between you and Mom, anyway?

Amy.

I was the youngest,

our father's favorite.

I was very spoiled.

Your mom was different.

When she was 1 8, she went

to America, and I went to Europe.

I ended up with two divorces...

...and a great wardrobe.

And she ended up

with the two of you.

Excuse me. Expecting a call.

So how's your dad doing?

Besides needing a new

business manager, he's fine.

-We can get together this morning.

-I have the car today.

-I'll come over and pick you up, okay?

-Yeah.

-Why don't you come over later?

-Why?

My Aunt Felice is in town. She's

working with the VitaPlan people.

-Who's she?

-Some kind of model.

-Wow.

-Okay?

-Okay.

-Bye.

Well, I'm not a Vita Girl for nothing.

Besides, I get this stuff for free.

Amy, try this.

It's a new VitaPlan peach nectar.

-Tastes great, and it's good for you.

-It's good for you.

This one's for you.

Men need different vitamins.

-Thanks.

-Now, bear with me on this omelet.

Hi, guys. I'm--

-Damn it!

-Oh, God!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

-Can I take a look?

-No, it's nothing.

-Brenda's a nurse.

-It's nothing.

I'm sorry.

Oh, Brenda,

this is Hilary's sister, Felice.

She's in town on business.

Brenda lives next door.

-Hi.

-Hi.

I'm sorry.

I just assumed you guys

would be starving.

Don't worry,

you can poison us tomorrow.

-Bless you.

-Oh, God.

-Did you guys get a cat?

-No, why?

Allergies.

Besides, the damn things

give me the creeps.

-Good morning.

-Heather!

Join the party.

I know you.

You're on the cover of Cosmo.

This is Aunt Felice.

This is my friend, Heather.

It must be so great to be a model.

-Sometimes.

-Are you staying with the Hallorans?

-No, I'm--

-Wait, wait. Of course.

Why don't you stay here?

After all, you're family.

-Right, Amy?

-Sure.

There you go.

Well, thank you, guys.

Amy, how about going shopping?

Thanks, but I already made plans

with Heather.

-Wait, where you going?

-Just to the mall.

Hang around there anymore,

I'll have your mail forwarded.

Come on, Mr. Halloran.

It's not like we're turning tricks.

Heather! Come on, Dad.

Six o'clock. Get out of here.

-Do you know anyone like Sting?

-Come on.

Turning tricks?

Bet she did know Sting.

Probably slept with him.

Mick Jagger too. Maybe she slept

with them at the same time.

Being a model doesn't mean

she sleeps with rock stars.

I bet she does. I'd trade in my whole

family for an aunt like that.

She forgot her sunglasses.

I'll see if I can catch them.

-What's up?

-She's sort of strange.

And you've invited her

to stay with us.

Just because she's not a hick

like everybody else here...

-...doesn't mean she's weird.

-There's nothing wrong with her.

She's trying so hard to be nice,

looking at me and touching me.

Dyke-da-dyke-dyke.

It isn't that. It's just I don't

really want her to stay with us.

So don't. Stay at my place.

My mom's boyfriend is

taking her to Vegas.

-We'll have the place to ourselves.

-Can't do it.

Why not?

We've got a major security system.

Nobody'll get us in our beds.

That is, nobody we don't want

to get us.

I don't know. I haven't left

my dad alone since my mom died.

Just missed them. Sorry about that.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Well, guess I'll see you around.

-I don't know.

-No, too boring.

Oh, Amy, this store is definitely you.

Don't you think? It's so sophisticated.

-And I'm really sophisticated.

-Girls, girls.

Hi.

Hi.

Stop it.

-Cute.

-Really cute.

Here you go.

-Hey.

-Hi.

Hey, check this out.

It's not finished yet, right?

You wouldn't believe

what 1 2-year-old kids...

-...want on their birthday cakes.

-Charming.

See, the kid, he wants bones

coming out of its mouth.

You know, like it just ate

his parents.

Hey, O'Connell, are they buying

something or not?

It's the boss from hell.

Well, we don't wanna get you

in trouble.

-Bye, Terry.

-Amy, I'll see you around, all right?

Okay.

Whoops. Sorry.

Don't worry. I was just exercising.

I'm used to people wandering

in and out of dressing rooms.

I just gotta get something.

-Can I see?

-Sure.

I like this.

I never got used to sleeping

with a dead guy...

...hanging over my bed.

I hope you don't mind.

No, I'm not feeling very religious

myself these days.

-Memories?

-I can still smell her perfume.

I've been avoiding doing

something about her clothes.

Maybe you could start by moving

just a few of her things out.

I'll help you, if you want.

Jack, I hope I'm not intruding.

Amy said the business

wasn't exactly--

Yeah, right. Amy's quite

perceptive for her years.

I have an idea.

-Are you free this afternoon?

-Yes.

There's somebody

I'd like you to meet.

-Okay.

-Jack.

Yeah?

Thanks.

Hi, how was the party?

Hi. It was great.

Are you gonna stay at my place?

-Yeah, I'll fix it with my dad.

-Great.

-Sh*t!

-Forget about it.

It cost me 8 bucks.

Heather!

-Terry!

-Amy! Amy!

Hang on!

Heather! Oh, my God!

Heather, stay still.

Don't move! Hurry!

Hold still.

-Come on!

-Try to stop it!

It won't stop! God!

Hi.

What happened?

There was an accident at the mall.

Heather was pretty badly cut up.

They brought her into the hospital.

She's gonna be okay, though.

I brought Amy home.

-Are you all right?

-What are you doing?

Why didn't you tell me you're

throwing out Mom's stuff?

We're not throwing it out. Felice and l

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