The Ladykillers Page #10

There is a knock at the door.

MRS. MUNSON

Huh? Excuse me.

I/E. MUNSON HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

Mrs. Munson swings the door open to Sheriff Wyner. His squad

car is parked at the curb.

MRS. MUNSON

Sheriff Wyner, how you doin'...

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The Professor's eyes widen with concern as he hears the

voices, off:

SHERIFF (O.S.)

Evenin', Miz Munson, I just came

by...

I/E. MUNSON HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT

The sheriff is tipping his hat and already backing away,

trying to make his visit brief:

SHERIFF:

...to let you know I had a word with

WeeMack. He says he gonna comply

with your request, keep the music

down and neighborly.

MRS. MUNSON

Mm-hm.

He calls from the bottom of the stoop:

SHERIFF:

So you have a pleasant evening now,

and just let us know--

MRS. MUNSON

Hang on there, Sheriff, somebody I

want you to meet.

SHERIFF:

Ma'am, I'm a little pressed for time--

MRS. MUNSON

Why, you chasin' a gang of bank

robbers? Get on in here say hello.

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

The Voices approach:

MRS. MUNSON

...We was just havin' tea, talkin'

about Othar--

The two enter and Mrs. Munson stops short, looking.

The living room is empty. Even the Professor's teacup is

gone.

MRS. MUNSON

...Hm... Bussed his own dishes. You

can always tell a gentleman.

The sheriff, hat in hand, gazes about.

SHERIFF:

Someone was here, ma'am?

MRS. MUNSON

Mm-hm, with me'n Othar.

Once again, he tries to excuse himself:

SHERIFF:

Well, maybe I'll catch him next

time...

MRS. MUNSON

Come on up to his room.

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - DORR'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

The door opens and the two look in.

The neatly made bed next to the small, barren dresser.

MRS. MUNSON

Mm, he's neat.

SHERIFF:

Very neat.

MRS. MUNSON

Probably went down to the cellar to

play with his friends.

She turns.

SHERIFF:

Ma'am, I really have to...

POV FROM UNDER THE BED

Top-teased by a dust ruffle in the foreground, we see Mrs.

Munson's heavy orthopedic shoes turning to pass Sheriff

Wyner's shiny black boots.

REVERSE:

shows Dorr, cheek pressed to the floor, his teacup and saucer

under the bed with him.

SHERIFF:

...be gettin' back...

BACK TO NORMAL PERSPECTIVE

Mrs. Munson is about to go out the door but notices something:

A corner of the Professor's cape, protruding from under the

end of the bed.

MRS. MUNSON

What the...

BACK TO DORR:

fearfully watching.

HIS POV:

The heavy orthopedic shoes approach, and then, with loud Mr.

Mogul sounds of effort, Mrs. Munson's hands and knees hit

the floor.

Her head drops in to view to peer in, her own cheek against

the floorboards.

MRS. MUNSON

...What the... Why, Professor!

We see the Sheriff watching and his HIGH POV of Mrs. Munson's

enormous ass.

MRS. MUNSON

...What you doin' havin' tea down

there?!

Dorr makes silent hand waves to disavow his own presence.

Mrs. Munson roars with laughter.

With difficulty she pushes herself back upright, still

laughing.

MRS. MUNSON

...Land of Goshen! Get out from under

there!

SHERIFF:

Miz Munson, my pager just went off...

MRS. MUNSON

Why of all the...

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - STAIRCASE/FOYER - NIGHT

The Sheriff is already backing down the stairs:

SHERIFF:

'Fraid I gotta respond...

He opens the front door and calls up:

SHERIFF:

...I'll try to meet your friend some

other time.

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - DORR'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Dorr shimmies out from under the bed.

DORR:

Well that was very... refreshing...

As you know...

He gets to his feet, slaps dust from the front of his pants.

DORR:

...we academics are inordinately

fond of wedgin' ourselves into

confined spaces. At Yale the students

will see how many of their number

they can enclose in a telephone booth;

Harvard, a broom closet.

MRS. MUNSON

Why I never!

DORR:

There was the goldfish-swallowin'

craze, of course, a different but

related phenomenon... Ahem... I hope

I didn't spill any tea...

INT. CASINO - GUDGE'S OFFICE - DAY

CLOSE ON A BOX OF CHOCOLATES

The box is being pulled open.

GUDGE (O.S.)

What the hell is this?

WIDER:

shows Gawain in Mr. Gudge's office as Gudge, behind the desk,

looks at the gift-wrapped box.

GAWAIN:

It's just my way of sayin', well,

goddamnit, I don't know what it's

like walkin' in your shoes, bein'

all tightass and all, and you don't

know what it's like to walk in my

shoes, but, well...

Gudge is opening a card that was inside the box. Its floral

front says in gold script, "I'm Sorry... If I hurt your

feelings... "

GAWAIN:

...You know, there's the custodian,

and then there's the man inside the

custodian, y'understand what I'm

sayin'...

Gudge opens the card. Inside is a hundred-dollar bill.

GAWAIN:

...and that man has needs, dig, and

I guess those needs, Mr. Gudge, which

they usually involve women with big

asses, well those motherfuckin' needs

sometimes well up over the custodian

like the motherfuckin' Johnstown

Flood. But my point is it ain't gonna

happen again. Not if it's humanly

possible...

Gudge reads the card, flips it over to look at its back.

GUDGE:

Hmm...

GAWAIN:

But Jesus, if you'd seen the ass on

that girl, Mr. Gudge, you'd a wanted

her sitting on your face too.

GUDGE:

Well, we're all human.

GAWAIN:

Ya damn skippy.

GUDGE:

This apology buys you a one-week

probationary period. Stay away from

the customers, MacSam.

INT. TUNNEL - NIGHT

Pancake is on his stomach, wearing goggles, boring a hole

into a rock face with a power drill.

INT. MUNSON HOUSE - CELLAR - NIGHT

We hear the whine of the drill faintly here, all but covered

by the sound of the chamber music on the boom box.

The other men sit around. Dorr gives a casual glance at his

watch as the whine subsides.

Pancake emerges from the tunnel covered with grime.

PANCAKE:

The drill bit's getting awfully hot.

Gawain, maybe you could fill a hudson

sprayer and spritz it down while I

drill.

GAWAIN:

F*** you, man, I ain't your house

n*gger. I'm the inside man!

PANCAKE:

Look, are you gonna have a bug up

your ass for the rest of the time we

work together?

LUMP:

I'll get the sprayer.

PANCAKE:

No no, me and this gentleman here

have to get square. Let me tell you

something, MacSam. You wanna know

something?

GAWAIN:

I don't wanna know sh*t from you.

Pancake leans against the wall and pushes his goggles up on

his forehead, leaving raccoon eyes.

PANCAKE:

I'm gonna tell you how I came down

to Mississippi. Wasn't born here,

you know. I'm from Scranton,

Pennsylvania...

Abruptly, he stares off into space.

PANCAKE:

...Nnnff!

GAWAIN:

Huh?

Pancake's eyes regain their focus:

PANCAKE:

...Scranton, Pennsylvania. Came down

here in 1964. Greyhound Bus. With

the Freedom Riders. You know who the

Freedom Riders were, MacSam?

GAWAIN:

I don't give a sh*t who they were.

Just tell me when they gonna leave.

PANCAKE:

The Freedom Riders, my fine young

man, were a group of concerned

liberals from up North -- whites,

Negros, and yes, Jewish people --

all working together, just like we

are here. Concerned citizens who

came down here so that local black

people could have their civil

liberties. So that people like you

could have the vote.

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