The Largest Theatre in the World: Heart to Heart Page #8

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-Here, here!

-Here, here!

I have faith that, with God's help...

-A-ha, what did I tell you?

-And the leadership

of your elected leaders,

they can

and they will.

(APPLAUSE)

My God, rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.

Up to form, didn't you think?

I'm afraid I don't know the form.

Well, I think that

just about winds it up.

And I can only conclude by saying

how very much I appreciate

the spirit of moderation and tact

which you've shown.

No, I can assure you that

not all your colleagues on the TUC

would have shown half the... Yes?

Mr David Mann, by appointment, sir.

Ah! The telly!

Can't keep him waiting.

Forgive me, gentlemen. Send him in.

Of course, you're on that

show tonight, aren't you?

I'll make a point of looking in.

Oh, I wouldn't, I'm not an interesting

enough person

to be stripped bare.

Sit down, young man,

delighted to see you.

-Well, goodbye.

-Goodbye, sir.

I'll have that agreement drawn out,

in writing, for your approval.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Well, did you get what you

wanted from that speech?

Yes, I think so.

Of course, on an occasion like that,

you know one can't be too serious.

But I hope you got some notion now...

Sir Stanley, it's my duty

to show you this.

Oh, she's been at you, has she?

You know, I had an idea she might.

You know, she's tried to give this to

about everyone in the country,

one time or another.

The papers, they won't look at it,

of course.

I wish they would,

I could do with those damages.

The Leader of the Opposition,

yes, he tried to get her arrested,

only I stopped him.

-Even the PM.

-What did he say?

Took it quite seriously.

Had the gall to ask me if it was true.

Do you care for a cigar?

No, thank you.

And how did you answer?

That I had been to the Mirabeau

about that time.

That I had spent that sum

or something like it,

that, in fact, it probably is my bill.

But that the signature across it

-is a forgery.

-Is it a forgery?

Looks pretty close to me.

Oh, you've been snooping, have you?

Where did you find Lopez's signature?

There was a copy a letter

in the Appleton Report.

Oh, of course, but then

the man was so uneducated

he could hardly spell his name,

let alone sign it.

No two signatures of his

were ever alike.

How do you know?

Ha!

Am I being cross-examined

in my own office?

I saw the Lopez papers.

Of course, I had to.

I was involved.

Yes, yes, of course.

Now, can we turn to less

idiotic matters?

The sort of question I thought you

-might ask me tonight.

-May I have that back, please?

What? Oh, that.

Oh, well, of course,

if you want it as a souvenir.

Not as a souvenir.

Before we turn to

"less idiotic matters",

may I ask, sir,

if either the Prime Minister

or the Leader of the Opposition

or, in fact, any of

the national newspapers

took the trouble to

ring up the cashier at the Mirabeau.

Meaning you have?

Yes.

What did he say?

That Manuel Lopez

signed the bill in person.

You and the lady

were leaving that night.

And the cashier accepted

the signature in payment.

He knew Manuel Lopez well, of course.

When you came down and saw the bill,

you were very angry and you blamed

your secretary for carelessness.

She said it wasn't her fault,

that Mr Lopez must have

done this on his own,

as she'd collected the money

from him earlier to pay the account.

She wanted the bill

with the signature destroyed

and another one substituted for cash.

But you wouldn't have this.

You said, "The more fool him"

or some such words.

Oh, it doesn't matter,

I have it all on tape.

Then, you pocketed the money

and left.

And Miss Knott took the bill.

And he remembers all that

after all this time?

-Apparently.

-A remarkable memory.

It was a very remarkable incident.

Would he be prepared to come

to this country and say the same thing,

on oath, in a court of law?

He's offered me a sworn statement

to use as I think fit.

I'll soon stop all that, never you fear.

A word from me to

the French Foreign Minister

or to our ambassador over there...

(LAUGHING)

Well, I mean I'll...

I'll stop this phoney,

blackmailing racket.

That not what you

meant all, Sir Stanley.

For your comfort,

the cashier wouldn't give me

a sworn statement.

But, thanks all the same,

you've removed all my fears.

Miss Knott might have been a bit mad,

this cashier could have been lying.

But from you, at last,

I have the truth.

The real truth?

The truth of the heart?

Yes.

You,

and the governors of the fifth channel

and the director-general of the BTV

are going to look

a fine bunch of boobies

in that dock at the Old Bailey.

For criminal slander,

you can get quite a long stretch.

Oh, you forget how

my program is shaped, Sir Stanley.

I don't make statements,

I merely ask questions.

Questions can be

slanderous, too, you know.

When did you stop beating your wife?

Oh, yes, I know that hazard.

But don't worry.

None of the questions

will be slanderous.

Every one will give you

the chance of replying

that the whole thing

is a malicious invention.

And that you really are

a simple, honest man

who believes in the standards and ideals

of our fathers.

And who never had a hotel bill paid for

him by Manuel Lopez.

Are you going to use that tape?

Tape? Of course not.

There is no tape.

I've never taped a telephone

conversation in my life,

I wouldn't know how.

Then you have

no evidence at all, have you?

-Only this.

-I've told you that's no evidence.

Not in court.

Yes, there's a question of ethics here,

isn't there?

Are you a law-abiding citizen

believing in the paramountcy

of the law of our land?

Yes.

And, therefore, do you approve of

trial by television?

No, I do not, most emphatically I don't.

-Well, then...

-Except in one instance.

When I know a truth which

the law can't reveal

and to reveal that truth

is in the public good.

Pro bono publico.

Just you and me then

in the ring together tonight?

Yes, Sir Stanley, just you and me.

Good. Well, I enjoy a fight.

-Always have.

-So do I.

-And this one should be fun.

-Yes, it should.

-No holds barred, of course.

-No holds barred.

Would you like a drink?

No, thank you, sir, I'm off it.

Are you really?

That's new, isn't it?

Yes.

It's new.

Get me the British Television Company.

Fifth channel.

I want to speak to a Mr Stockton.

I know it's short notice.

Is it my fault if

the man goes mad, or gets drunk

within a few hours of the broadcast and

starts blackmailing cabinet ministers?

-Yes?

-Mr Mann is here.

Good, send him in. But not a cartoon,

anything but a cartoon.

Well, it's a travel log then.

At 9:
15, a travel log!

Can't you hear that sound of all those

sets being switched to other channels?

Don't panic, man.

Listen, take my assurance for this,

you won't have to use

your alternative programme,

there's not a chance of it.

In dealing with a hysterical case like

David Mann, I have to be forearmed.

Oh, so that's settled then, Cyril.

If the necessity should arise...

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