The Last Days of Disco Page #9

I'm not reactionary.

- Well, aesthetically.

- Oh. Well, aesthetically.

You mean you think / gave it to you.

[ Chuckles ]

- How can you be sure?

- I'm sure.

Well, you were a lot more active

than I was.

Y-You were obviously very experienced.

[ Clears Throat]

No.

Oh, come on.

How did you know all that?

Well, I read... a lot.

You must have been with some guys.

You - You weren't a virgin.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I didn't consider myself

a virgin, but -

What?

I don't know.

Technically -

- What?

- If, when making love...

the man spurts...

outside the woman...

does that count as sexual intercourse?

Spurts?

If it squirts outside...

without getting in...

does that count

as losing your virginity?

No part of the man got in at any time?

I don't think so.

I think part has to get in...

to be considered sexual intercourse.

So then I was a virgin.

I can't believe that.

The first time you make love, I -

I give you both G and an H infection.

H?

I don't know, I'm beginning

to think that maybe...

that old system of people getting married based

on mutual respect and shared aspirations...

and then slowly over time earning

each other's love and admiration...

worked the best.

Well, we'll never know.

Almost ready.

God! Waiting around all night for

the unemployed guy to get around to shaving.

You're so busy

you can't shower until midnight?

Excuse me.

Unemployed is not who I am.

I'm a fully employed person who just

happens not to have a job right now...

largely because of some structural problems

in the advertising industry.

I'm sorry.

That was really inconsiderate.

Please forgive me.

- [Chattering ] - Spinning all around

the floor just like Rogers and Astaire

[ Jimmy] Of course, if you talk enthusiastically

about your work in advertising...

you sound like a total cretin.

[ Charlotte] No, your enthusiasm

is actually enormously appealing.

In fact, I used not to think so well

of people in advertising...

but that's one of the great things about

getting out of college and into the real world -

how experience changes

and improves your views.

During college, I remember seeing couples

with crying babies and thinking, How horrible.

Lately I've been spending

a lot of time with my niece and nephew.

Saturday I took my niece, who's seven,

to see the Disney movie Lady and the Tramp.

She loved it.

It was so cute.

I'm beginning to fall in love

with the whole idea of having kids.

- I hate that movie.

- What?

It's so tacky,

not to mention depressing.

This sweet movie about cute cartoon dogs

you found depressing?

[Josh ]

There is something depressing about it.

And it's not really about dogs.

Except for some superficial bowwow stuff

at the start, the dogs all represent human types...

which is where

it gets into real trouble.

[ Clears Throat]

Lady, the ostensible protagonist...

is a fluffy, blonde cocker spaniel

with absolutely nothing on her brain.

She's great-looking, but - let's be honest -

incredibly insipid.

Tramp, the love interest...

is a smarmy braggart

of the most obnoxious kind -

an oily jailbird out for a piece of tail

or whatever he can get.

- Oh, come on.

- No, he's a self-confessed chicken thief.

An all-around sleazeball.

What's the function of a film of this kind?

Essentially, it's a primer on love and marriage

directed at very young people...

imprinting on their little psyches...

the idea that smooth-talking delinquents

recently escaped from the local pound...

are a good match for nice girls

from sheltered homes.

When, in 10 years, the icky human version

of Tramp shows up around the house...

their hormones will be racing,

and no one will understand why.

Films like this program women

to adore jerks.

God, you're nuts.

The only sympathetic character - the little Scottie

who's so loyal and concerned about Lady -

is mocked as old-fashioned and irrelevant

and shunted off to the side.

Isn't the whole point

that Tramp changes?

Okay, maybe in the past he stole chickens,

ran around without a license...

and wasn't always sincere

with members of the opposite sex...

but through his love for Lady...

and the beneficent influences

of fatherhood and matrimony...

he changes and becomes

a valued member...

of that, you know,

rather idyllic household.

[ Josh ]

I don't think people really change that way.

We can change our context,

but we can't change ourselves.

- What does that mean?

- Well, you changed.

- Come on, Des.

- That's a little different.

I agree with Josh.

The Scottie is the only admirable character.

Would have been a much better movie

if Lady ended up with him.

I'm really surprised.

I think Tramp really changed.

Maybe he wanted to change or tried to change,

but there's not a lot of integrity there.

First he'd be hanging around the house,

drinking, watching ball games...

maybe knocking Lady around a little bit,

but pretty soon...

he'd be back

at the town dump chasing tail.

Give me a break! Are you taking your medication?

Because what you're saying is completely nuts!

- God. Des! - No, I think people should know

that our friend here has a certain condition.

- [ Jimmy] Shut up./

- How can Morgenthau employ you?

He knows about Mass. Mental Health

and the loony tunes junior year?

Of course he knows about it.

God!

[ Disco]

- Jimmy, you know where Alice is?

- No, I don't know where she is.

Uh, excuse me.

Were you at Leo Burnett in Chicago?

- Oh, my God! How are you?

- Um, do you know Betty?

- Jimmy Steinway. Hi.

- Hi.

- You're still with IHSMOCO?

- Yeah.

There's a sales conference

at the Americana.

I'm actually with the international side now,

based in Spain.

- How's that?

- Barcelona is beautiful...

but in human terms, uh, pretty cold.

- How about you?

- I was at McCallum, but just got sacked.

Have you found anything else?

- No.

- Any leads?

No.

There's a lot of agencies in Spain

looking for people with experience from here.

There's one in Madrid

some Burnett people have affiliated with.

- I could give them a call.

- That sounds great.

Michael. Good Times.

[ Continues]

I don't identify with Tramp at all. I was just

sticking up for him because no one else was.

I actually identify

with the loyal Scottie dog too.

I've changed.

[ Good Times]

Good times

These are the good times

Leave your cares behind

These are the good times

Good times

These are the good times

Our new state of mind

These are the good times

Happy days are here again

- [ Continues ]

- I can't continue on this case.

There's a conflict.

Well, we know that.

You told us.

You know this guy, Des McGrath.

- It's okay.

- No, but now there's a real conflict.

Boys will be boys

Better let them have their toys

Girls will be girls

Cute ponytails and curls

[ Fades]

- Hi.

- Hey.

- God, what a dump.

- Yeah.

No, I don't mean your place.

Outside.

Oh.

You iron your own shirts?

Well, if I'm going to court,

I wear a laundry-ironed shirt...

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