The Last of the High Kings Page #3

of half-baked misgovernment.

Ah, you tell 'em, Jim.

Fianna Fail is ready to get

this country moving again.

Moving back to the emigration

boats, some might say.

That's

a scurrilous remark,

only worthy

of the outgoing government.

We're going to win

this election.

My presence tonight

is vital.

The whole party hierarchy

will be at this meeting.

It could well go on

all night,

so I need to know

that you'll behave yourself.

I will, Ma.

And if Maggie gets up

to any high jinks,

you'll tell me exactly

what happened and with whom.

Do you give me

your solemn word?

I do.

You must tell me if there

are any shenanigans whatsoever.

[As Jimmy Carter] I, Jimmy

Carter, do solemnly swear,

to uphold the Constitution

of this house.

I swear.

If they get up to any nonsense,

I'll tell you everything.

You'd better.

By the way,

when you get back,

can me and Peter go camping?

We'll see about that

when you make your report.

[Hinges creak]

You want us to snitch

on them?

It's not snitching.

Now, do you promise?

Promise.

Promise.

You're the only ones

I can trust.

No one's to set foot in this

house tonight except family.

[Introduction to Thin Lizzy's

"The Cowboy Song" plays]

[Introduction to Thin Lizzy's

"The Cowboy Song" plays]

[Cheers and applause]

Ta-da!

[Rhythmic clapping]

Hey, you're clapping

your hands for me.

[Indistinct conversations]

[Clapping continues]

# Now, roll,

roll, roll, roll, roll #

# Roll, roll, roll,

roll, roll, roll, roll #

- # Just roll me over #

- Hey, Frankie, you got

any food in the house?

- # And I'll turn around #

- No, not unless

you brought some.

Thanks, man.

# And I'll move my fingers #

Uh, you need a...

[Sniffs]

# Up and down #

- # Up and down #

- Hey, Griffin,

this party's crap.

It's useless.

You got no chicks at all.

- What'd she say?

- [Knocking]

Maggie!

[Laughter]

[Guitar solo]

Frankie, uh,

is Maggie about?

Why?

She's a great girl,

Maggie.

[Laughs]

Guys, did you call

the girls?

What girls?

Jayne and Romy.

Did you call any women?

- He did.

- He did.

Maggie, give me the phone.

[Music stops,

cheers and applause]

Aah!

[Laughter]

[Sighs]

[Laughter,

indistinct conversation]

[Telephone dialing]

[Ringing]

Man:
Hello?

[Change slot clanking]

Is Jayne there?

Uh, Jayne doesn't live here.

Romy lives here.

It only seems like

Jayne lives here.

Sorry.

Uh, for future reference,

Jayne's the blonde,

and Romy's the one

who only comes home

when she's hungry.

I meant to say, uh, Romy.

C-Could I speak to Romy,

please?

Uh, not at the moment

you can't. She's out.

Might I have the pleasure of

knowing to whom I'm speaking?

Sorry.

[Receiver hangs up]

[Laughs]

[Coughing]

It all [Coughs] works?

Of course it works.

[Laughs]

You know

the beach-party idea?

We should just do it.

Yes, and do you know

what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna write

to Elvis and invite him

over to do a concert.

[Sighs] Yeah.

Bring Elvis to Ireland?

Great idea.

[Coughing]

[Inhales deeply]

[Gagging]

I know.

Dear Mr. Presley,

I am your biggest fan

in Ireland.

But I'm not the only one.

Under every shamrock leaf,

you'll find an Elvis fan.

With greased-back hair

and a little green hat.

And because leprechauns

are so tiny,

you can fit five times as many

in the average concert hall.

I'm serious.

- We know.

- We know.

[Laughs]

[Birds chirping]

Turn it up!

[Intro to Thin Lizzy's

"The Boys Are Back In Town"

plays]

Maggie, I, um...

[Jewelry jingling]

Could I have a word

with you?

Oh, what do you want,

Davy?

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo!

[Laughs] Yeah!

I was just wondering

if, um...

you'd like to go out

with me, like?

I already have a boyfriend.

That's okay.

I don't mind sharing.

Davy, get lost.

Come on, you won't know

for sure till you try it.

Davy!

#... How you was,

where you could be found #

You know you don't mean it!

# Told them you were living

downtown #

- # Drivin' all

the old men crazy #

- [Laughter]

# The boys are back in town #

- # The boys are back in town #

- Whoo-hoo!

- Whoo-hoo!

- Yeah, watch out.

- # I said the boys are back

in to-o-o-o-wn #

- Whoo-hoo-hoo!

- # The boys are back in town #

- Aaaahhhhh!

# The boys are back in town #

- # The boys are back in town #

- Aaaaahhhhh!

# The boys are back in town #

- # The boys are back in town #

- Whoo!

- [Guitar solo]

- Whoo!

- [Laughter]

- Whoo!

- I'm right behind you!

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[All shouting]

Whoo-hoo!

[Mid-tempo music plays]

Davy:
Maggie!

Oh, sh*t.

Maggie!

Oy!

Get down out of there!

I want to talk to Maggie.

I'm staying here until she says

she'll go out with me.

Come down

for Jesus' sake, Davy.

I'm not moving,

I told yous.

What the Christ.

Where's Maggie?

Maggie!

Maggie!

Well, well.

Maggie!

Oh, sh*t.

Uh-oh.

You pair.

Maggie!

Get down off there, you!

Maggie!

Get yourself down here

fast, boyo.

No one can stand in the way

of true love, Mrs. Griffin.

Right.

I hope you're proud

of yourself.

What do you mean?

All you had to do

was be nice to him.

Davy, jump.

Davy, come down out of that,

you gobshite.

I'll catch ya.

I'm warning you,

Davy Dudley.

You'll be sorry!

If I see your horse's arse

of a face 'round here again,

I'll have you cremated.

Are you sure

she's your ma?

If she was your sister,

I could really fancy her.

You can't take your eyes off

this place for one minute.

[Sea gulls crying]

What am I doin'?

Half of the summer gone

already,

and nothing to show for it.

No girls, no money...

- Will you keep it straight?

- I am.

...and no way out.

Aah! Mng!

[Laughs]

Mng! Mng!

Ahh!

- Mng! Mng! Mng!

- [Footsteps approaching]

Mng! Mng!

- Mng!

- [Laughs]

Mng!

Hi.

I'm collecting for

the Labour Party.

Any chance

of a contribution?

Yeah, sure.

The Labour Party...

bunch of commie wasters.

Have you no commitment

to political reform

or state control

of natural resources?

The redistribution

of wealth?

7% of the world

owns 84% of the capital.

That's right, comrade.

[Coins clinking]

Thanks.

Should I try

up at the house?

Um...

Uh, no,

I wouldn't bother.

Well, see you around.

See you.

[Exhales deeply]

Pbbhhtt!

Frankie, the girl

at the gate... who is she?

Uh, her name's Romy Thomas.

Ah! Romy Thomas.

Her and the other one

she runs around with...

all hair and legs.

At least

they aren't hairy legs.

Ha! Watch it, mister.

You know

what those two girls are?

Protestants.

You stay away from them.

There's an international

conspiracy

between communists

and Protestants,

and I'm not having you

in the middle of it.

- Hey, everybody!

- [Vehicle approaching]

Hark, I hear the mighty growl

of a Honda 50.

The campers return.

This should be interesting.

Children,

go and play upstairs.

Now! Immediately!

[Chair creaking]

Keep those heads down.

[Door closes]

Oops!

- [Piano playing

discordant notes]

- Hi! This is Peter.

Peter, this is my mother.

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