The Last Word Page #4

motivated by plates

of pizza and $15.

No, you know what?

I'm not going to do this.

Because it's stealing.

You give me your money

and this is what

you expect in return?

It's bullshit. I Won't take

your money anymore,

you spineless pieces of sh*t.

Harriet.

Get her out of here.

Get the f***

off of me. You hack!

They just threw her out.

Yeah.

It's her company.

She started it.

How can they do that?

She scared them.

Didn't like her.

'Cause they couldn't

control her.

Jesus Christ, man.

Exactly.

But you... You liked her?

I respected her.

I feared her.

Why did you show this to me?

Guilt, maybe.

Probably.

She got screwed.

I didn't open my mouth.

They say

that the really great music

can take you to those places

that you could never

get to on your own.

Well...

This one definitely

does that for me.

So whatever your journey is,

see where this one takes you.

Robin Sands, KOXA.

Well, I wish to speak

to Robin Sands. Please.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Robin.

Yes, I'd like a job

as a disc jockey.

Uh, yeah. Um...

I'm not really

looking at the moment.

But I noticed that

your sound transmission

is not compressed.

That's right. Yeah.

Is that because of the

Teletronix tube that you use?

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely right.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, we couldn't afford

the big digital stuff

even if we wanted it,

and we don't want it.

Oh, I should hope not.

Damn right.

And who are you?

I'm Harriet Lauler,

formerly of Lauler Advertising.

I am an older woman,

as you might have gathered.

But with age comes

certain attributes,

and one of mine is I'm up

very early every morning.

I would gladly take over

the drive time slot

of Dawn Silver.

Uh, I'm... I'm Dawn.

No, you're out.

Your voice is thin and

your taste is pedestrian.

And what kind of music

would you play?

Robin, are you f***ing kidding me?

Wait, just...

Now, that is the wrong question.

Is it?

Hmm.

What's the right question?

The right question

would be what would I play

after I play Nina Simone's

Gin House Blues.

What would you play after you played

Nina Simone's Gin House Blues?

Good question.

Thank you very much.

I would play Very Special,

Duke Ellington.

Great.

Then I would play

Van Morrison, Ro Ro Rosey.

Great. And I'd probably end

with something by The Kinks.

You like The Kinks?

Oh, the most underrated band

of all time.

Of all time.

That's what I keep saying.

I keep saying that.

Don't I always say that?

You see, Robin, anybody

can pick a good song.

But a true disc jockey

is interested in the flow,

in the sequencing,

in the block, if you will.

I am very interested

in the block.

And I'm very wealthy,

so I do not have

to have a salary.

Oh. Well, that's great.

And who is this?

It's my intern.

What up?

What up?

All right,

Harriet Lauler, let's chat.

Whoa. Let's do this.

Mmm.

Did I just lose my job

to a 100-year-old woman?

You know, as a general rule,

most people are idiots.

Yeah.

So when you're confronted

by an idiot,

rather than make themselves

aware of their idiocy,

it's best just to treat them

like a dumb, stupid child

who doesn't know

any better, you know?

So be patient

with the dummies, right?

Exactly.

Yeah.

This is Harriet Lauler for KOXA.

Playing independent music

for independent minds.

Up next, we're kicking off

wild card weekend.

Harriet.

Who's the disc jockey?

I... I'm stunned.

No. I wanted to do

something like this

and I just made it happen.

Oh. Just like that?

Yes, of course.

Can I... Can I

stay and watch?

Go outside.

I got work to do here.

You can watch from out there.

Okay.

Eddie Cochran

was a solid choice.

Much respect to the rock block.

Wild card.

Much respect.

So where is he taking you?

No.

Oh!

Well, I orchestrated

the whole thing.

Why would you do that?

It just felt like

something that I should do.

No. You don't get to

control me, Harriet.

Is he taking you somewhere nice?

We're going to The Cave

this weekend.

The Cave! No. No. No.

Absolutely not.

That is not the place.

What you have to do is tell him

to take you to Cafe Bouchon.

What did I just say?

I heard what you just said.

But a proper date

really does include

a very, very nice dinner.

This is not a proper date.

We are going as friends.

That is what I told him.

Why would you say that to him?

Because I don't want

to ruin what we have.

But you just met.

You have nothing.

I have his show.

Ah.

Oh. Well, there you have it.

What do I have?

It just shows me

what kind of child you are.

"Anne Sherman

"died from lethal

injection last night

"for the murder

of Harriet Lauler.

"Her last words were,

'It was worth it."'

Very good, Anne.

Excellent.

Hey, I was looking for you.

How's our favorite

senior citizen?

She's a handful.

I remember the stories

my father used to tell.

Scary, scary stories.

Thanks for passing

her off on me.

Well, it wasn't my choice.

You know, she chose you.

You should feel...

No. Don't say "honored."

Fair enough.

How about this? Thank you.

Thank you for at least

giving me the chance

to not be the first Odom

to completely destroy

his family's legacy.

Hmm.

Not going to say,

"You're welcome."

I'm just not going to say it.

This is Harriet Lauler

saying good morning.

On.

Hello, boss.

I have missed that so much.

Come in.

Liquid lunch?

Ooh! My favorite.

I remember.

Oh...

Terrace. Go.

Oh, Joe. Now tell me

why you're really here.

That's the original.

Oh, God.

Those bastards.

They still are.

Wasn't exactly my finest hour

either, though, was it?

You were trying to protect

the agency. Your agency.

You were a goddamn hero.

Hmm.

Harriet Lauler, goddamn hero.

I like it.

So that's the original.

Any copies?

Yeah, I made a copy

for your friend Anne.

Anne has seen this?

In your company!

Not other people, who sit around

motivated by plates

of pizza and $15.

No, you know what?

I'm not going to do this.

Because it's stealing.

It is stealing.

You give me your money

and this is what

you expect in return?

It's bullshit. I Won't take

your money anymore,

you spineless pieces of sh*t.

Harriet.

Get her out of here.

Get the f***

off of me. You hack!

No, I like to think of myself

as a curator, you know?

Bringing new artists

and songs to my listeners

that may be outside

of their norm.

Sort of like, um, you know, one

of those old wildlife explorers

bringing an exotic spice

back to the world.

I sound like

such a douche right now.

Robin Sands, rock and roll

spice merchant.

It's kind of Excellent..

You're funny, you know that?

Why are you so surprised?

Why is everybody always

surprised when I crack a joke?

Well, you know, obituary writer.

I'm not, like, tortured

and tormented.

I'm just gainfully employed.

I mean, there's, like,

a voyeuristic quality to it

that I find really interesting.

I'm... I have a backstage

pass to somebody else's life.

Okay, so what's

the career trajectory

for an obituary writer?

Do you hope to, like,

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