The Late Shift Page #8

coming up we need to promote

WITH KENNY ROGERS,

TRAVIS, AND NAOMI JUDD.

WHAT IF I COULD GET THEM ALL

ON THE SAME SHOW...

EXCUSE ME,

THIS AIN'T MERV GRIFFIN.

WE DON'T DO

F***ING THEME SHOWS, YOU DUMB SH*T-KICKING HICK.

LET ME BREAK THE NEWS TO YOU.

NOT ONLY IS TRAVIS TRIT NOT GOING TO DO THE TONIGHT SHOW EVER AGAIN,

BUT YOU AND I WILL BE

IN THIS TOWN A LONG TIME.

WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER,

AND WE'LL NEVER TALK AGAIN.

IT'S YOUR F***ING LOSS

AND THE RECORD COMPANY'S.

( birds chirping )

KEN, THE BOOKING OFFICE

FROM LENO JUST CALLED.

TRISHA YEARWOOD'S APPEARANCE

HAS BEEN CANCELED.

TRISHA YEARWOOD:

HAS BEEN BOOKED ON LENO FOR MONTHS.

I MEAN, HOW CAN HELEN GET AWAY

WITH THIS CRAP?

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA TAKE IT!

GET ME ROBERT HILBURN AT THE L.A. TIMES.

BRACE YOURSELF, WARREN.

KEN KRAGEN HAS GONE

PUBLIC ABOUT HELEN.

HOLY HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE.

( Warren )

THIS IS IT.

EVEN JAY CAN SEE

SHE'S TOTALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

( chuckling )

INDEPENDENT VERIFICATION.

OOH, OOH.

( John )

HELEN HAS ONE OPTION.

SHE ACCEPTS THIS REDEFINITION

OF DUTIES OR SHE'S OFF THE SHOW.

( Helen )

"CAN'T BOOK GUESTS."

I DON'T DO THAT ALREADY,

WE HAVE BOOKERS FOR THAT.

"CAN'T CANCEL GUESTS."

I'VE NEVER CANCELED A GUEST.

NO MATTER WHA THE F***ING L.A. TIMES SAYS.

"CANNOT TALK TO THE MEDIA."

WELL, THAT'S A RELIEF. WHO NEEDS THAT?

THIS IS NO REDEFINITION

OF MY DUTIES.

IT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN

DOING ALL ALONG.

AND IF YOU SIGN THIS,

WE'LL HOLD YOUR FEET TO

THE FLAME ON EVERY ISSUE.

WHEN... WHEN THEY PU JOHN SUNUNU OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE,

EVERYTHING FELL APART.

YOU GUYS JUST WANT ME TO PROVE

I CAN BE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL?

WOULD ANY OF THIS BE PULLED

WITH A MALE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER? BULLSHIT!

WELL, OK,

I CAN BE A GOOD LITTLE GIRL.

WHO THE F*** ARE YOU

TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO?

TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELF.

STOP F***ING WITH ME, WARREN.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.

YOU'VE MADE

A MESS OF PRIME TIME.

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T MEASURE UP

TO THE JOB BRANDON DID.

SO THIS IS ALL:

YOU CAN DO TO TRY TO

SAVE YOUR OWN ASS

IS TO COME AFTER ME.

DID YOU KNOW:

THEY'RE TALKING TO DON OHLMEYER FOR YOUR JOB?

AND KERRY McCLUGGAGE?

SO GO F*** YOURSELF, WARREN.

I MEAN, YOU'VE HAD

A LOT OF PRACTICE AT THAT, RIGHT?

HELEN.

( door closing )

SHE'LL NEVER MAKE I AS A DIPLOMAT.

IF YOU LOVE HER,

GET HER OUT OF HERE. SHE NEEDS HELP.

WE ALL NEED HELP.

THE NUMBERS ARE STILL GOOD, ISN'T THAT WHAT'S IMPORTANT?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

YOU'RE APPROACHING DISASTER.

HELEN HAS PUSHED TOO FAR.

THE WHOLE TOWN IS

RISING UP AGAINST HER.

IT'S NOT AS EASY AS YOU THINK.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

HELEN MADE ALL:

THIS HAPPEN FOR ME.

EVERYTHING. YOU KNOW

WHAT I WAS DOING BEFORE I MET HELEN?

I WAS WORKING A STRIP CLUBS, YOU KNOW.

I WASN'T GOING TO BE

ON ANY TELEVISION SHOW.

AN AGENT TOLD ME

I HAD A FACE THAT WOULD SCARE SMALL CHILDREN.

LOOK AT ME,

I'M THE... I'M THE HOST OF THE TONIGHT SHOW.

HELEN KUSHNICK GOT IT FOR ME.

AND SHE COULD:

LOSE IT FOR YOU, TOO.

GREAT.

( mumbling )

17 YEARS IS AN AWFUL LONG...

( sighing )

HER SON DIED OF AIDS,

YOU KNOW.

THE HOSPITAL GAVE HIM

A BAD TRANSFUSION, A 3-YEAR-OLD BABY.

THAT WAS A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY.

HER HUSBAND:

GETS COLON CANCER, HE DIED A YEAR AFTER THAT.

SHE HAD A MASTECTOMY.

JERRY KUSHNICK ON HIS DEATHBED

ASKED ME TO TAKE CARE OF HER.

I RECOGNIZE:

YOU HAVE INTENSE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.

YOU HAVE EVERY REASON

TO FEEL LOYALTY TO HELEN.

BUT WE'RE PAST THAT.

NOW, I WAS A PSYCHOLOGY MAJOR

IN COLLEGE,

AND WHAT JOHN AND I

ARE DOING WITH YOU NOW,

WE WOULD HAVE TO CALL

AN INTERVENTION.

WHAT YOU SEE AS LOYALTY

TO A WOMAN WHO HAS SUFFERED DEEPLY,

WE SEE AS:

A FORM OF ADDICTION.

NOW SHE CANNOT CONTINUE

TO PRODUCE A TELEVISION SHOW

IN THIS CONDITION.

HELEN IS EITHER:

GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN,

OR YOU ARE GOING TO

SEPARATE FROM HER.

BUT SHE IS NO GOING TO TAKE ME DOWN.

SHE IS FIRED.

IF WE HAVE TO,

WE'LL BAR HER FROM THE LOT.

( exclaiming )

( stuttering )

WHAT IF... WHAT IF I WERE TO

WALK OUT WITH HER?

IF YOU CAN'T SEPARATE

FROM HELEN, IT'S A BIG MISTAKE.

I REGRET IT,

BUT WE HAVE CHOICES TO MAKE,

AND THE CHOICE I HAVE TO MAKE

IS TO TELL DAVID LETTERMAN

THAT IT'S TIME TO TAKE

OVER THE TONIGHT SHOW.

I... I SUSPECT THA PETER LASSALLY AND DAVID

COULD BE IN BURBANK

ON 24 HOURS NOTICE.

YOU GUYS WOULD:

DO THAT TO ME?

I WOULD ABSOLUTELY DO THAT,

THAT'S HOW STRONGLY WE FEEL.

I NEED A COMMITMEN FROM YOU, JAY.

WILL YOU BE:

AT WORK TOMORROW?

( exhaling )

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THA IF I DON'T COME TO WORK

I'M GOING TO BE FIRED?

I'M NOT SAYING THAT EXACTLY.

BUT IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?

THAT I'M GOING TO BE FIRED

IF I DON'T SHOW UP FOR WORK?

JAY, ARE YOU LOOKING FOR SOME

LEGAL JUSTIFICATION

FOR BREAKING WITH HELEN?

IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION.

JUST TELL ME.

IF I DON'T COME

TO WORK TOMORROW, ARE YOU GOING TO FIRE ME?

YES, I GUESS WE'RE...

WE'RE SAYING THAT.

YOU GUYS CAN:

LET YOURSELVES OUT.

AGOGLIA HANDED ME

THIS WHEN I CAME IN.

THEY'RE FIRING ME.

I TOLD HIM YOU'D

NEVER STAND FOR THIS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME

TO DO ABOUT IT?

ISSUE A STATEMEN BACKING ME.

THEN WE JUST GO ON

WITH THE SHOW.

JUST LIKE THAT?

AREN'T YOU STILL FIRED?

NOT IF YOU DON'T ACCEPT IT.

THEY'LL NEVER LET YOU GO.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO

IS THREATEN TO QUIT.

THEY'LL CAVE,

THEY'VE GOT NO BALLS.

YOU KNOW:

WHAT THEY TOLD ME?

THEY TOLD ME THEY'D FIRE ME

AND BRING IN DAVID. THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD ME.

OH, BULLSHIT.

IT'S NOT BULLSHIT.

THESE GUYS HATE LETTERMAN.

ALL WE GOT TO DO IS

STAY STRONG, HONEY.

NO. YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING IS

ALL OUT OF CONTROL NOW...

HEY, HOLD IT.

WHAT?

DON'T YOU GIVE ME

THIS SH*T, TOO. NOT YOU.

WHO DO YOU THINK PULLED YOU

OUT OF THOSE SHITHOLE CLUBS?

WHO GOT YOU ON TELEVISION,

ON LETTERMAN?

I REMEMBER.

YOU, WHO WASN'T BLONDE,

WHO WASN'T FROM THE MIDWEST.

15 YEARS AGO, THIS TOWN,

THE CARSON PEOPLE,

THEY WOULDN'T LET YOU

PLAY ON THEIR FIELD.

SO I HAD TO MOVE THE GAME.

SORRY, A**HOLES,

THE GAME'S OVER HERE NOW.

I MOVED THE GAME.

WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK

FORCED CARSON OUT,

SO YOU COULD GE THE BEST F***ING JOB IN COMEDY?

FORCED CARSON OUT,

JOHNNY QUIT.

SURE HE QUIT.

BECAUSE HE COULDN'T TAKE THE HEAT ANYMORE.

I GOT THE AFFILIATES

ON YOUR SIDE.

I GOT THE NETWORK TO

KISS YOUR ITALIAN ASS.

I GOT PAGE ONE OF

THE F***ING NEW YORK POS TO BURY THAT FOSSIL CARSON,

ALL FOR YOU!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN

YOU GOT PAGE ONE OF THE POST?

YOU TOLD ME:

WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT STORY.

OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,

GROW UP.

YOU LIED TO ME?

WE'VE ALWAYS PLAYED

THE SAME GAME.

YOU NEVER WANT TO

KNOW WHAT I'M DOING FOR YOU

SO YOU CAN BE:

MR. NICE GUY.

"BOOKING WAR,

WHAT DO I KNOW?

HELEN HANDLES THAT,

I DO THE JOKES."

YOU JUST WANT ME

TO KEEP SERVING YOU STEAKS.

YOU NEVER WANT TO KNOW

HOW I'M SLAUGHTERING THE COW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE

YOU LIED TO ME.

WE NEEDED THE STORY.

IT HELPED US.

I DID IT FOR YOU!

I CALLED JOHNNY.

I TOLD HIM IT DIDN'T COME FROM US.

BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME

THAT IT DIDN'T COME FROM US.

I MEAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE

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