The Legend of Bagger Vance Page #2

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...and Savannah most of all.

Memories of our defeat in the war|between the States still linger...

...and with them,|the defeated men who returned...

...lacking that vigor|we women associate with your gender.

Now, sadly, here is Savannah, teeming|with the most attractive young women...

...and nobody, absolutely nobody,|to satisfy them.

Except for Bobby Jones, who will be|playing in our Krewe Island tournament.

He says, "It don't matter what it is,|it won't hurt you."

"You just pop one in your mouth|and you chew."

I'm pleased to announce|Bobby Jones and Walter Hagen...

...have accepted|my golfing invitation...

...with enthusiasm.

First, of course...

...Miss Adele Invergordon's commitment|to her father's dream.

Not one to concede defeat easily...

... Neskaloosa engineered an|uprising against the tournament.

You boys think I've been drinking|too much blackjack tea...

...but they'll be parking|in our streets...

...and taxing the limits|of our constabulary...

Do you think one of them|damn rich Yankees...

...gives a hoot about Savannah|or anybody in it?

Now, now.

Now, we need the Yankees...

...but we also need someone|from Savannah in the match.

One of us giving them...

...a run for their money.|Then they'll know what we're made of.

We need someone from Savannah|playing in our tournament!

What about Dougal McDermott?

He's a Scot and only|comes into town to get drunk!

- Bobby Jones is from Atlanta!|- I said Savannah!

- The South. The real South.|- Yeah.

Neskaloosa knew the golden rule|of politics better than anyone.

If you can't beat them, lead them.

All right, hold it!|Hold it, everyone!

There's one person we're forgetting.

We all know there's one man who hits|gargantuan drives off the tee...

...and has a lock-picker's touch|on the greens...

...Savannah's own|Enderby "Cottonmouth" Conyngham!

Wait a minute!

He's 80 years old!

He'd need one caddy to carry|his clubs, and two to carry him!

Junuh could whup them both.

You're off your rocker. He couldn't|whup a dead possum in a sack.

- That ain't true.|- Oh, yeah?

What about Captain Junuh?

- Who?|- Captain Junuh.

My Dad says he's the greatest golfer|Savannah ever had!

- Hardy.|- Well, it's true!

You said it a hundred times!

Sit down, son.

The boy's got a point!

- Junuh's born and bred in Savannah.|- Exactly!

That is the point!

- What ever happened to him?|- He gave up golf.

Forget Junuh, assuming you|can locate his whereabouts.

I hear he's so far gone...

...he wouldn't know|a putter from a p*ssy willow.

I know where to find him!

You find him, Hardy,|and we will be there.

Fly, lad...

...with winged sandals on your feet!

If I live to be 1000,|which doesn't seem likely...

... I'll never know where|I got the courage to call out.

But once I did, I wasn't backing down.

This could've been the stupidest idea|I've ever had.

Captain Junuh?

Captain Junuh?

This is Hardy Greaves, sir.

Jacks. All you be holding on guts.

I need new shoes.

You're crazy.|Get out of here with that.

Make sure you guys save|some money for me.

He ain't gonna win.

What have we here?

Well, well.

Look like we got|a new card player, gents.

It's all right. Don't be scared.

I ain't scared.

I've seen men drunk plenty of times.

- What do they look like?|- It ain't much.

Least not so much|as they seem to think.

But it don't scare me none.

Gentlemen, this is the only male in|Chatham County who isn't full of sh*t.

What's your name, son?

Hardy. Hardy Greaves.

- You Frank Greaves' boy?|- Yes, sir.

What brings you here, Hardy?

Maybe I better come back|when you're not so busy.

Busy?

I thought you were gonna say "drunk".

But I'm not busy and I'm not drunk.

There ain't enough whiskey in Georgia|to get me drunk enough.

How drunk is drunk enough,|Captain Junuh?

Good question. Sit over here,|I'll tell you what drunk enough is.

Aaron, can you find the young man|a bottle of Nehi?

I expect I could...

...just as long|as I takes my money with me.

Now the question on the table...

...is how drunk is drunk enough?

And the answer is,|it's all a matter of brain cells.

Brain cells?

That's right. Every drink of liquor|you take kills 1000 brain cells.

But that don't matter,|we got billions more.

First the sadness cells die,|so you smile real big.

Then the quiet cells go, so you talk|real loud for no reason at all.

That's okay,|because the stupid cells go next...

...so everything you say|is real smart.

And finally...

...come the memory cells.

These are tough sons of b*tches|to kill.

There's a golf match at Krewe Island|between Bobby Jones and Walter Hagen.

And there was a meeting to see|who would play for Savannah.

I said you would.

That's why I'm here,|so you can beat Jones and Hagen.

Hell, I'm drunker than I thought.

- I'll caddy for you.|- You'll caddy for me...

...against Jones and Hagen?|- Yes, sir!

I will too.

Aaron will carry the clubs,|I'll carry the balls.

And I'll carry the tees.

And I'll carry Junuh!

I wasn't joking.

I heard my Dad tell how you won|every golf tournament in the South.

And how you hit a drive so long|they made you wait 20 minutes...

...to measure it for a record.

And how you swing righty|but you were in the woods once...

...and you had no room to swing righty|so you borrowed a lefty club...

...and hit the ball|6 inches from the hole.

It's time for you to go home.

I ain't going!

Suit yourself,|because I'm going to bed.

- Night, gentlemen.|- See you later.

What are you doing in my house?

Trespassing, but on great importance|to Savannah herself.

Some delegate.|Isn't it past his bedtime?

Isaiah 11:
6:|"And a little child shall lead them."

This is a once in a lifetime|opportunity, Junuh.

So, what's in it for you?

Pride in the great city of Savannah|so close to my heart.

So close to all our hearts.

You're wasting your time.|I'm not playing.

Why is that?

I lost my swing.

Then find it!

Goddamn it! Because you're playing.|That's all there is to it!

Savannah needs you.

- Get McDermott. He'll play.|- Balls!

We don't need|some sawed-off Scotsman...

...pooping drives out 40 yards!

We need a man|with thunder in his fist!

A hero to boom that pill out|past those golfing gods!

- We need a knight!|- You're our gentle-born chevalier.

That's one hell of a speech, fellas.

I don't take no for an answer.

Well, you'll have to|because I'm not playing.

Now get out.

Something you picked up|on your travels?

He's not mine.

A little young for a drinking|companion, don't you think?

So, Adele, what can I do for you?

- I think you know why I'm here.|- I do.

A little late to be out|looking for romance, isn't it?

Would that do it?

Would you play in the match|if I had sex with you?

Yeah, that would do it.

Well, that's good, Junuh.

We've seen each other so|infrequently since your return...

...I thought this|was gonna be more difficult.

Where shall we do it?

Right here is fine.

Don't worry, he's out like a light.

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