The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp Page #11

I wouldn't have hurried.

- We'll get you something.

- I had dinner on the train. I came from Victoria.

- Leave?

- No, duty.

- Come and have a glass of port.

- (Phone rings)

This is Brigadier General Candy's residence.

- May I speak to the General, please?

- Whom may we ask is speaking?

Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorrf.

I'm at Victoria station.

Tell him I'm leaving London tonight.

- Do you mind repeating the name, sir?

- Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorrf.

Thank you, sir.

(Theo whistles 'l Am Titania')

Can't he phone tomorrow?

Where's he speaking from?

Victoria station, sir. He's leaving tonight, he said.

- What name?

- It sounded like Wrenchbar something, sir.

- Kretschmar-Schuldorff!

- That's it, sir.

Murdoch, that brain of yours

ought to be in a bottle. Theo!

Yes, it's me, Theo.

How are you, my friend?

Yes, I'm going home.

If there's such a thing left in Germany.

Hm? There are scores of us here.

Can't you hear them?

We have an extra train. It leaves at 1 1 :30.

Yes, yes, we are under guard.

Er, Clive...

I may still call you Clive now you're a general?

Cut the cackle.

What have you got to say for yourself?

Look, I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry...

..because of our meeting at the camp.

I was a silly fool.

Yes. I felt I had to tell you before I leave.

I must ring off now. Good luck to you all.

- Major Davies.

- Yes?

Come here a moment, will you?

I'll send you back to Derbyshire

if you're not careful.

You just sit tight and we'll come and get you.

All right, all right. I won't run away.

Would you mind, Lieutenant?

You Prussian stiff-neck.

The only way to get you is to kidnap you.

Let's have a look at you.

Ah, you've worn well, old chap.

- You've still got my mark, I see.

- You still need a moustache.

- When were you captured?

- July '1 6.

- You were lucky. You missed the worst.

- I'd rather be unlucky.

Have you heard from home?

Have you got any children? How about Edith?

What shall I answer first? Edith is all right as far

as I know and, yes, we have two children.

Boys, eh?

- Now, that one's exactly like Edith.

- Karl. He is, isn't he?

- I almost wish we had no children.

- What?

- What future do they have in a beaten country?

- You Germans are all a bit crazy.

Barbara will tell you what's what.

- Who?

- My wife. Oh, you don't know I'm married.

- You'll get a shock when you see her.

- Shock? I'm sure she's charming.

I don't mean that. You wait and see.

Oh, you won't see her.

She's gone to the theatre with her mother.

Never mind. Have you got any more snapshots?

Tell me about yourself.

GUEST:
Neither were much good.

Gentlemen, this is my friend

Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff.

Sir Archibald Blair,

shining light of the Foreign Office.

- How do you do?

- General Betteridge.

How do you do? I've heard about you, Oberst.

CANDY:
General Keen.

- How do?

CANDY:
Major Michael Cornish

and his brother Major...

- John.

-..John Cornish.

Admiral Sir Merton Barrow

of the so-called Senior Service.

- Commodore Brandon-Crester.

- Ditto.

Major Davies you know.

- lntimately.

- Yes.

Colonel Hopwell,

aide to the Governor of Gibraltar.

How do you do, my dear fellow?

- Sir William Rendall, on the Viceroy's staff.

- How do you do?

George Metcalf of Uganda.

- Sir John Bembridge, just back from Jamaica.

- How do you do, sir?

Colonel Mannering, known to the press

- as the uncrowned king of Southern Arabia.

- How do you do?

M r Christopher Wynne

- of Bradford, England, my father-in-law.

- How are you?

- How do you do?

- Embodiment of all the solid virtues.

Sit down, Theo. What will you have to drink?

- Port, please.

- Port.

BETTERlDGE:
Pass the port.

BLAlR:
It has to go round the clock.

- Cigar? Cigarette?

- Cigarette.

- They're both on the table.

BLAlR:
Turkish or Virginian?

- Virginian.

HOPWELL:
Oh, sorry.

I don't suppose you remember me...

- but we met in Berlin in '02.

- Oh, did we?

Ah, Barstow. Colonel Barstow of the Royal

Air Force - Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff.

- How do you do?

- Don't get up.

BETTERlDGE:
Glad to see you're off home now.

- Thank you, sir.

HOPWELL:
Awful being a prisoner of war

in England.

I don't think it is much good anywhere.

Oh, my dear fellow, in this country

people poke their nose into everything.

- Did you get any letters from spinsters?

- Yes, we have.

They started a campaign

to write to prisoners of war.

- Not our chaps, mind you.

THEO:
It wasnt so bad.

We had books, concerts, lectures.

I'm sure your camp was well run.

German organisation is very thorough.

A bit too thorough for us.

WYNNE:
Was the cooking good?

- It was English cooking.

- (All laugh)

He's got a sense of humour.

My daughter Joyce started a campaign

to better the food of the German prisoners.

I remember the Government

was also charged with overfeeding them.

Oh, we're not too bad. Drink up, Theo.

Gentlemen...your health.

WYNNE:
Cheer up.

- Good luck.

- Good luck.

By the way, what have you done

with Tiger Blomfield?

At Victoria, in the Grosvenor bar.

He was hostage for the Oberst.

Where is the sense of guarding officer prisoners

- a year after the fighting's over?

- I imagine it is more to protect us.

- Against what?

- People.

- What people?

THEO:
Yours.

How do you mean?

They can't be adjusted from war to peace

as easily as you can, gentlemen.

- (All mutter)

BETTERlDGE:
I think you'll find that's not true.

CANDY:
Do you mean to say our people

would attack you in that uniform?

I tried to kill Englishmen in this uniform.

BLAlR:
My dear fellow,

that's rather a gloomy point of view.

CANDY:
You've got the wrong end of the stick.

- The war's over.

- There's nothing to bear malice about.

You're a decent fellow and so are we.

I am not a decent fellow, I am a beggar.

Like the rest of all the professional soldiers

in our army.

A beaten country can't have an army,

- so what are we going to do?

- There'll be a great deal to do.

But not for us.

We know a bit about horses.

We can become stableboys.

- You'll feel differently when you're home again.

- Mm, home.

But what will the home be like?

Another prison camp.

HOPWELL:
Who says so?

We're going to have foreign troops

occupying our cities for years.

- For years? I like that.

- I've never heard a man more wrong.

- We don't want to make beggars of you.

- We're a trading nation.

We must have countries to trade with.

Surely you realise that the reconstruction

of Germany is essential to the peace of Europe?

I can't see our taxpayers keeping an army

in your country, can you, Candy?

No, of course not. Read the papers, man -

the English papers.

We can't ask you to be our friends

if we'd rob you and humiliate you too.

- That's how we all feel, eh?

ALL:
Hear, hear!

We want to be friends.

"We want to trade with Germany," said one.

A general said, "We don't want to keep

an eye on you just to occupy your country."

A general!

Oh, they are...children. Boys playing cricket.

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