The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean Page #2

---

- That's right.

- What are you getting at?

What kind of court of law is it?

Has no marshals.

I don't need no marshals to back me up.

There's Judge Parker,

Fort Smith, Arkansas...

- Has marshals.

- Right.

- A wealthy and respected man today.

- That he is.

Marshals have to be

men of strong moral fiber.

Country like this, overrun with outlaws...

Rich in possibilities.

I see no reason why the State of Texas...

through myself, could not provide...

half the booty and loot collected

as legal property of this court.

Split up four ways, I imagine.

- Five.

- Five.

Why, the State of Texas

would probably pay a bonus each month.

You mean, a bonus for the man

that does the most to the stopping...

of banditry and "outlawlessness"

that runs rampant in this land.

Providing I was able to find men of...

sufficient moral fiber.

Raise your right hands.

Do you solemnly swear

to uphold the letter of the law...

as stated in

The Revised Statutes of Texas, 1855?

And furthermore,

do you swear solemn allegiance...

and vow to uphold

the honor of Lillie Langtry?

- I do!

- Judge?

Can I be the bartender?

I've had my fill of being shot at for money.

What about that part about Miss Langtry?

That's the most beautiful woman

I ever seen in all my born days.

By the power vested in me...

through God and the great and honorable

State of Texas...

I hereby proclaim you

to be marshals of the court...

of the county of Greater Vinegarroon.

- For Texas and Miss Lillie!

- For Texas and Miss Lillie!

The whole thing was a mistake.

Why, I was framed from the start.

Set up by this two-bit vigilante judge

and his lynch mob.

They had nothing better to do.

Besides, I was easy to catch.

This here is Sam Dodd, Judge.

Genuine murderer.

- Who'd he kill?

- Chinaman and his greaser wife.

- Stole a fruit jar full of money.

- How much?

Close to $90.

$90?

That's a serious crime, son.

Where's the evidence?

We buried the victims

no more than an hour after he done it.

Get down off that horse!

I don't cotton to looking up

to the likes of you.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Court of Vinegarroon is in session.

There'll be no drinking.

Judge Roy Bean presiding.

Do you have anything to say

before we find you guilty?

I'm not guilty of nothing.

There's no crime that I've done wrong.

Do you deny the killing?

I do not deny it.

But there's no place in that book where

it says nothing about killing a Chinese.

And no one I know

ever heard a law on greasers...

n*ggers, or Injuns.

All men stand equal before the law.

And I will hang a man for killing anyone,

including Chinks, greasers, or n*ggers!

I'm very advanced in my views

and outspoken.

But there's no place in that book that...

Trust in my judgment of the book.

Besides, you'll hang

no matter what it says...

'cause I am the law.

The law is the handmaiden of justice.

Get a rope.

Let's go, Sam Dodd.

I want to say something.

Don't I get to say nothing?

By all means.

I want to say that I still believe

this whole thing is a mistake...

and that I am no worse,

and probably better...

than the men

who are about to end my days.

Well spoken, son. That's enough.

It was wrong to do this to me

for the crimes mentioned...

but I'd also killed white men

and stole their horses.

So I figured that

that's what I was being hung for.

My only concern was that

that rope be tied properly...

and the whole thing done right.

It was.

Verily, it has come to pass

that the wicked, outlaws, et cetera...

are going to have their teeth

blunted like lions...

with their necks stretched and broken.

This is the fate of the wicked.

And all this has come to pass

'cause it is the duty of the righteous...

which is us,

to hang the wicked whenever we can.

So that a man can say truly...

that God has appointed a judge

upon the earth.

That is how it is

and the way it will be. Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Bar is open!

Two.

Two.

Two.

I'm Snake River Rufus Krile,

a long way from home.

Quit grinning.

Can't stand a man that grins.

I call that bet, and I'll raise you $10.

I'm blood kin to a Gila monster.

- Can drink my weight in wolf poison.

- One.

Massacre, bloodshed...

famine and drought

all put meat on my bones.

I'll see that and raise you $5.

Hardship and slaughter: my daily bread.

You in or out, Judge?

I'm considering...

I can whip a full-grown longhorn cow

with my hands tied.

Make violent love to mountain lions.

My trigger fingers are itchy.

I'm set to go, red hot.

Raise you $5.

Justifiable homicide.

I fine that man two bits

for firing a gun in a public building.

I also fine him...

$35, $45...

$52 for lying around.

Whorehouse, I call you and...

raise you $52.

I call.

Three bullets.

The marshals found

that the land abounded in opportunities.

And the pickings was easy.

Little did the varmints expect

the long arm of justice...

to reach them from within.

Criminal vermin was plentiful

and of good value, too.

We had us a table piled high with silver

in no time.

And that was just the beginning.

The confiscated property

of them that was caught and hung...

allowed the Judge

to institute civic improvements.

Wagonloads of real, law-abiding citizens

came to settle.

The Judge himself became a man

of considerable wealth and consequence.

He verily papered the courthouse walls...

with posters of his true and fair love.

He even sent riders to the railhead

to bring back the New York Times...

so he could follow the exploits

of Miss Langtry...

Jersey Lily,

voice as sweet as that of a nightingale.

I am...

disturbed by the news this morning.

What is it, Judge?

I am crestfallen.

Crestfallen?

Crestfallen by the...

report that Miss Lillie,

in a playful mood at a royal outing...

slipped a frog down the back

of His Highness Albert Edward...

Prince of Wales.

It was in a moment of frivolity,

you understand.

She slipped a frog

down this prince's neck?

Anyway, the Prince

was ruffled by the incident...

and disfavored Miss Lillie for it.

I suppose he would.

Suppose he would?

Ought to go over there

and hang the son of a b*tch!

I would, too, except I got

too much respect for the royal family.

- Where'd you get that dress?

- You sent for it.

It sure didn't look like that

in the Sears and Roebuck catalog.

- Don't you like it?

- With all due respect to Miss Lillie...

I think she'd understand,

yeah, I like it a lot.

Just don't go wearing it around here

during drinking hours.

Sheriff! You better come quick!

There'll be an illegal lynching!

Hold it!

The only lynching around here

will be done according to the law.

Hell, Judge!

We got the tar and we got the feathers.

What is all this about, Bart?

We, as the decent folks of this community,

will not abide by pimp gamblers...

and women of the night

at prices like these.

- What's the going price?

- $5, that's the price!

- Gold or silver!

- Outrageous!

I'd be willing to make a special rate

for you, Judge...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes