The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean Page #5

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But in my humble opinion...

it was lawyer Gass who put him up to it.

That bear's drunker than I am.

It ain't just the Bear.

Bear?

What's all the shooting about?

Sounds like it came from the Jersey Lily.

That bear was sure raising hell.

- What's going on?

- Judge?

- Judge?

- Hurry, open the door!

- Judge?

- You all right, Judge?

Bart? What's going on here?

My God, who's that?

- Judge, what happened?

- What's happened here?

Look here, there's the Bear.

The fellow sure is dead.

- What's wrong with Bear?

- He's as dead as you can get.

- Anybody know him?

- What a mess.

- Anybody know this one-armed man here?

- Hired killer.

He's as dead as you can get.

What was he doing in here?

I don't know what he was doing here

this time of night.

That bear just don't tolerate lawlessness.

- Let's have a drink to the Bear.

- Yeah.

There'll be no drink...

wasted on that bear.

Wasn't worth a hoot in hell.

He'd make a spectacle of himself...

for anyone with a dollar.

And he laid his profane paws

on Miss Lillie.

I've killed human men...

for less than what he did.

All right, let's get this assassin outside

and bury him.

Bury him?

No.

I want him stuck on a cactus...

reduced to flies and ants.

I don't...

I don't want him in...

the same ground with the Bear.

I don't!

You take his feet, I'll take his head.

Put that arm there on his chest.

Hold his shoulders

or his head'll come plumb off.

His teeth have been blunted in his head...

the great teeth of a young bear.

He saw that the wicked

were carried away...

as in a whirlwind.

But there is a reward for the righteous...

the courageous, and the loyal...

and that reward includes beer...

plums and grapes...

and bears like Lillie Langtry.

The reward will be given in Heaven

where I got no jurisdiction.

Verily it has come to pass.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Amen.

It's all changing.

The country's changing.

The railroad's coming.

People will pass by...

and look out the window and never know

what it took to make all this.

They won't know about the Bear.

They won't know about me.

I guess it doesn't matter.

I'm going to have your baby in the spring.

A son.

Make it a son. I need a son.

King Louis XIV, King of France,

had 103 of them.

A man can't live forever.

Man is mortal.

Look at her, the brazen hussy.

You don't suppose he'll marry her, do you?

Heaven forbid. A Mexican?

The little bastard

would be the only thing in town...

without his name on it.

There is nothing worse

than a harlot turned respectable.

A reformed anything is bad enough...

but a reformed harlot

is the direct wrath of the Devil.

Seems that those who have spent time

giving pleasure for profit...

are all the more zealous

when it comes to dealing out misery.

Have you got a minute, Judge?

What's on your mind, Bart?

- We'd like to talk to you about something.

- Go right ahead.

The railroads are coming.

But we don't think

the train's even going to stop here.

What with men hanging

right out in clear view.

Don't get us wrong, Judge.

We ain't against hanging.

We just feel

that it should be done more private.

Yeah, in Dallas they do it

in a barn outside town.

In a barn?

Like they was ashamed of it?

Why, I'd rather give up hanging.

No, sir.

The law says

that the guilty shall be punished.

And I say it shall be done

in broad daylight...

in the open, not sneaking around.

Like you was the ones that was guilty,

not them.

What about the ladies, Judge?

Their delicate sensibilities?

- And the children?

- The children?

It's exactly what children need.

It sets an example.

It shows what happens

if they don't walk the straight and narrow.

Don't get riled, Judge.

I know who put those ideas in your heads.

They don't deserve any opinions.

I'll do the thinking around here.

And you can tell that to your whores!

I mean your wives.

There are several reasons

advanced for the fall of Rome:

the decline of the military,

increase in the savage hordes.

- But I got my own opinion.

- Here they come again, Judge.

I think it was those Roman baths.

Roman generals didn't even bother

to fight their own wars no more.

Swam around in scented oil,

lollygagging with the slaves...

stuffing themselves with larks' tongues.

- We're here for a showdown, Judge.

- Showdown?

- Yes, sir, it is.

- About what?

You weren't right,

you calling our wives what you did.

- I forgot what I called them.

- The word don't bear repetition.

Whores.

They may have been once about a time.

But now they're respectable,

married ladies.

- Piss on them!

- There you go again, Judge.

Lower your voice, for God's sakes.

We're in enough trouble already.

They heard what you called them.

They say we should defend their honor.

And they called us cowards,

craven cowards.

Said they're going to lock us

out of our houses, unless you apologize.

- Apologize?

- And they're hopping mad.

Do us a favor, will you, Judge?

They're standing out there, waiting.

Go to them real hangdog-like...

as though we made you

ask for their pardon.

Hangdog?

I understand you've taken exception...

to my calling you whores.

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

I ask you to note...

that I did not call you

callous-ass strumpets...

fornicatresses, or low-born gutter sluts.

But I did say whores. No escaping that.

And for that slip of the tongue...

I apologize.

"Miss Lillie Langtry and company...

"have recently embarked

on an Easter tour...

"of the midwestern

and southwestern states.

"They will perform one evening only...

"in the following cities: Chicago, April 1.

"Kansas City, April 6.

San Antonio, April 11."

My God, Judge.

She's coming to San Antonio.

They say that she is...

at her incomparable best

in The Fool's Revenge.

You should go and see her

before she grows old and fat.

Miss Lillie's beauty is timeless.

Anyway, I can't.

- Why not?

- Too busy.

I got all those civic responsibilities:

criminals to prosecute...

station house going up...

babies being born.

We will wait.

Get the Sears and Roebuck.

I'll need the proper attire.

When people go to see Miss Lillie,

they get dressed for the occasion.

They wear tails.

- Tails?

- That's right. Tails.

Coat, vest, pants: $11.40.

Boy!

I'd like a seat

in the middle of the front row, please.

We don't have a seat

in the middle of the front row...

or anywhere else.

I see.

- How much will it be, $100?

- $100?

$200, if necessary.

Just a minute.

Programs! Get your programs!

I'm sorry, sir,

we've been sold out for two days.

Price is no object.

I'm sorry, sir, we have no more seats.

Find some. I'm Roy Bean. Judge Roy...

The fabulous Lillie Langtry,

as she appears in The Fool's Revenge.

Programs! Get your programs here!

- Sir, I will give you $200 for your ticket.

- Nonsense.

Could I buy your ticket for $200?

I'll give anybody in this theater

$200 for a ticket.

$200.

Take your hands off me.

I'm Judge Roy Bean.

Be easy on us, Your Honor.

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