The Little Death Page #2

mate.

- Oh, right,

- What, it's been five years?

BOTH:
Six.

- Six?

- Yeah.

- So what are you waiting for?

- OK, that's enough.

- No, it's OK, it's fine.

Uh, no, it's, like, we're not

really waiting for anything.

We're just not really marriage

kind of people, that's all.

Yeah.

What? We've talked about this.

- I know.

- We laughed about it.

We said we didn't need to go

through all that.

Yeah, I know. I know.

Um, should we do dessert?

- Yes, please!

- Let's do that.

- Great.

- Thank you.

Thanks, darling.

- You OK?

- Hmm.

- You seem a little bit...

- I'm fine, I'm fine.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Have you ever...

Have you ever raped anybody?

No. Who's been saying that?

- No-one, no, it's...

- Have you?

No.

No, I haven't and that's the

thing. I don't really want to.

Mate, that's good.

That's good.

- You don't have to.

- No.

Mate, I'm not...

No, it's not that, it's...

It's not me, it's...

It's Maeve.

She's got this, uh...

What?

I don't even know

what you call it.

- That thing, this, uh...

- Oh. Like a fantasy?

Yeah. A fantasy.

How did you know that?

OK.

Rape fantasy - very common.

No sh*t. That's what she said.

Yeah. Yael's got one.

Massive one.

- Really? And you've never...?

- No, can't be done.

I've tried but

it's a flawed fantasy.

- Not possible.

- Why?

Well, think about it.

The moment someone asks to

be raped, it stops being rape.

Right? It's only rape

if they don't want it.

- She wants it - not rape.

- Right.

The reason they can't get

what they want

is because they want it.

God, that doesn't seem fair.

Sucks, mate.

There's got to be something

I can do.

I just want to make her happy.

Whatever happened

to good, old-fashioned...

...run-of-the-mill sex?

- Yeah.

People have to complicate it

with all this kinky sh*t.

Yeah.

You don't have anything

like that, do ya?

- Hm?

- No weird fetish?

Nah. I mean, define 'weird',

you know.

Hi.

- Hi! Hi, sorry to bother you.

- That's OK.

Uh, were you in the middle

of something?

Oh, no, we're just having

some lunch. It's alright.

- Oh, I'm so sorry.

- That's fine.

I'll be quick.

Um, my name's Steve.

I've just moved in

down the road.

- Oh, we've just moved in too.

- Hey, how about that!

- Hello, welcome.

- Thank you.

Well, as I said,

I won't keep you.

- I'm doing the rounds.

- Nice.

- Visiting the neighbours.

- Good.

And I wanted

to give you these.

- Aww...

- My Way of saying hi.

Oh, my God. Golliwogs.

Also, I am required

by federal law to inform you

that I am a convicted

sex offender.

Where did you find Golliwogs?

I didn't think

they made them anymore.

- No, they don't, I do.

- Oh!

Yeah, baking

is my little hobby.

Amazing. I haven't seen these

since I was a kid.

I think they stopped

making them

on account of

the, you know, racism.

- Yeah, makes you think.

- Yeah, it does.

OK, well, I won't keep you

any longer.

- OK, thanks, Dan.

- Steve.

Steve! Sorry. Maeve.

Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.

- Thanks so much for this.

- Bye-bye.

- Thank you, bye.

Please be kidding,

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

Well, could you brush

your teeth

if you're going to breathe

into my face like that?

I don't want to be

the bad guy here, Phil.

But you can't keep

falling asleep at work.

I mean,

you're dropping the ball.

So that's a penalty,

that's one strike.

I'm sorry,

it won't happen again.

- Alright, off you...

- I'm tired.

I didn't get that raise

that...

I told you why I couldn't

give you the raise...

...home life got

a little bit...

...times are tight,

money's tight.

I mean, we're all feeling

the pinch.

- I'm cancelling my holiday.

- Really?

- Shortening it, yeah.

- OK, I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

Have you ever been

to Thailand?

You've never been, have you?

Remember I did my shoulder

in Bangkok?

The doctor put me on these.

Right?

These little suckers

will knock you out

a good six, eight hours.

OK, I'm not kidding

but be careful.

They're from Thailand

so they're not technically,

you know, legal.

I'm not great with pills.

I've got a really sensitive

gag reflex.

I almost choked on them

at a school camp when...

So I'll just...

I'll put them in some tea.

There you go.

Those'll do the trick.

That's the same stuff

they force-feed prisoners

when they riot.

So you want to sleep?

You're gonna sleep.

Oh... Come on, guys!

- Oi!

BOY:
We were just...

You were just nothing.

Bedtime.

Monsters.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey!

Wow.

- Dad.

Uh, what are you doing up?

Off to bed, the pair of ya.

Don't make me come up there.

Good morning.

- How are you feeling?

- Fine.

Feeling better, actually.

Good. That's good.

I may be

a little late tonight.

Not too late, OK?

No? Why?

I don't know, I just thought

that we could...

What?

I don't know.

- You don't know?

- No.

You really don't know?

- I said I don't know.

- Right.

- Just not too late, OK?

- I won't be too late.

Oh, God, I am so sorry.

No, I'm sorry,

it's totally my fault.

Uh...

Golliwogs?

- Why do you have Golliwogs?

- Well, it's why I'm here.

I've just moved in

down the road.

And I thought I'd just pop in

and introduce myself.

- I'm Steve.

- Uh, Phil.

Pleasure to meet you, Phil.

Those are my little 'Howdy,

neighbour' gifts... for you.

God, this takes me back.

A simpler time.

It really was.

Also, I'm required

by federal law to inform you

that I am a convicted

sex offender.

This is so nice of you.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Baby, you're not crying.

I don't think I have

any tears left in me.

I'm sure there's a few more

in there.

I mean, your dad

only just died.

Ooh. Baby, shush.

Sorry to keep you waiting,

Mrs Hawkins.

Actually, doctor, it's 'Miss'.

Well, Miss Hawkins,

why don't you take a seat?

You look very sexy

in that outfit, doctor.

Now, Miss Hawkins, I have

the results of your test here.

Oh, yes. Will you need

to examine me further?

Uh, no, no, it's conclusive.

And I'm afraid it's bad news.

Well, I have been

a very bad girl.

- Perhaps you need to...

- You have hepatitis.

- Sorry, what?

- Hepatitis.

Well, that's not very sexy,

is it?

No, no, it's not.

Particularly not hepatitis C.

So, I'm going to prescribe you

a course of interferon

and I'll give you the number

of a support group

in the area.

And I'll see you again

in a couple of weeks.

- Sorry, Dan, I'm confused...

- Dan?

It's 'Doctor'! Stay in it!

Now we have to start again.

No, no, we don't have

to start again.

- Just getting good too!

- How was it getting good?

Why do I have hepatitis?

Because I thought that your

character was, you know,

like, maybe got around a bit.

You know, a bit slutty.

I thought that would be sexy.

I'm not gonna want to have sex

if you've just diagnosed me

with an STD.

Just... Just make me

feel sexy.

Alright, alright, alright.

Do it again. I promise

I'll make you feel sexy, OK?

Um, go back to your spot.

I'll start here and...

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