The Loft Page #3

Oh, no, you're not like that.

Not now. Maybe later.

What about you, Luke?

Now or later?

Come on!

Atta boy.

Wow!

You just make sure this doesn't

blow up in your faces.

How's it gonna

blow up in our face?

It's just a room,

like Vince said.

Our room.

Now we keep it to ourselves.

All right? We tell nobody.

It just stays within our circle.

Marty?

Yeah?

Yeah!

Now you just need to find someone

willing to go with you, Marty.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah. I think there's plenty

of choices right here.

Some of these guys bring some

premium grade, high test p*ssy.

Like that dewy-eyed

vixen right there.

She looks underage.

No, she's 20.

And if one of you

guys messes with her,

I'm gonna crack

your head wide open.

Oh, what, do you got

dibs on Miss Curly Locks?

Listen, man, that's Zoe.

All right?

- Zoe?

- Yeah.

- Like as in skin-and-bones tomboy Zoe?

- Yeah.

I hate to say it, Phil, but your

little sister's seriously hot.

She's not little anymore.

That is the finest

piece of ass...

- Yo, Marty, that's enough.

- I'm just sayin'.

I'd like to f***

her like an animal.

Come on, Marty. That's enough!

Feel her from the inside.

I wanna f*** you

like an animal...

You don't sing,

you don't laugh,

you don't talk about my sister.

Got it? You got it?

Don't f*** with me...

You watch it.

You watch it.

I'll kick your ass

at your own f***in' wedding.

Hi.

Hi.

We met at the,

uh, building opening.

That's right.

You're Anne Morris.

I'm glad you

remember me, Chris.

Mmm.

I see you work weekends.

What a dedicated

personal assistant.

What a lucky city councilman.

Screw him.

Do you?

Must get a bit boring walking around

all these parties by yourself.

He wants you close,

but not too close.

Not when there's

important people around.

I told you,

I fall for the wrong men.

Can you keep a secret?

Our city councilman likes

to keep my panties with him

at these events, in his pocket.

It's a turn-on for him, the thought

of me in a crowd, so naked.

Only he knows.

Why do you let him

use you like that?

Who says he's using me?

Maybe it turns me on.

Maybe me telling you about

it turns me on even more.

I hope you don't catch cold.

Chris!

Chris, I'm sorry.

I don't know,

maybe I was testing you.

I don't need to be tested.

Listen, do you want

maybe get a cup of coffee?

Some place quiet?

Private?

I'd like to use your key.

Just once.

It's not what you think.

Hey, it doesn't

matter what I think.

Have fun.

Does everyone still have a key?

'Course we do.

It's crucial we get this right.

Five keys were cut. To make a

sixth, you'd need the code.

Which is in my safe,

so we can rule that out.

But there was no break-in. So

does everyone still have a key?

What? You think we've

been givin' away our keys?

It's against your rules, Vince.

Then show me.

What are we trying

to prove here?

Look, I don't know. Maybe

someone's lost a key, okay?

Let's just rule that out.

Okay? Look, here's mine.

All right?

Chris?

You didn't use a key

to get in just now.

No. I didn't bring it.

Where is it?

I don't have it on me, okay.

It's not like I need it every

day, like some of you guys.

But you do still have it?

Vincent, whether or not I have my key on

me right now is really not important.

It's extremely

f***in' important!

Someone got in using a key

and yours is missing!

Is that right, Vincent?

Then how do you account for the

fact that the alarm was shut off?

So, let's just

cut the bullshit,

'cause it definitely

had to be one of us five.

Unless...

Unless what?

Unless she let him in.

Oh, yeah. Then how'd

she get in, Vincent?

Any way you look at it, it

keeps coming back down to us.

And I for one would like to

know who's hiding something.

Where did you learn that?

I seriously don't believe it.

There's a word for that?

Yes, polyamory.

It's a philosophy,

some sort of belief system

about being

romantically involved

with more than one

person at the same time.

Uh-huh. And your

boss gets away with it?

Yes. He says that he's in love

with his wife and his girlfriend,

- so why should he have to choose?

Uh-huh.

And his wife is

amazingly cool with it.

Oh, really? Is she special needs?

Maybe oxygen-deprived? What?

Explain. I'd like to know.

That sounds like my kind

of philosophy, Barb.

What's it called again?

Polly and Marie?

Please. Spare us, Tubs. You

can barely handle one woman.

What would you do with two? Mmm.

Bury one.

I would make up something,

some sort of game that involves

two ladies and one guy.

Start a trapeze

act or somethin'.

Could you at least

fake some enthusiasm?

It's your party-

Anyway, I'm cooking.

If you absolutely have

to invite your friends over,

could you at least try

to make it home on time?

Look, they're never here, okay?

Will you just join us?

I just hope the pudgy clown

doesn't puke on the rug.

He's been chugging vodka

like it's Evian.

I mean,

doesn't his wife see that?

Actually,

she was just cool with it

long enough to

catch him in the act.

She hired a detective.

Cell phone records, credit card

receipts, audio, video, the works.

And in a heartbeat my poor boss

went from polyamory to alimony.

Oh.

Man, your boss

sounds mentally retarded.

So, what happened to him?

Oh. Uh...

He and his concubine are now cramped

in a tiny one-bedroom condo.

But I'm guessing he's happy.

She's blonde, 23, with a brand

new pair of fake breasts.

Ugh! How can men

stand fake breasts?

Why are women always

talking about "fake tits"

this "fake tits" that?

I mean, listen.

Girls, if it's a decent boob job,

who f***in' cares, you know?

My mom, she's got,

uh, false teeth.

Okay? When she smiles, do

people give her sh*t and say,

"Oh, my God!

Look! Fake!"

No, they don't!

They say, "Wow!

You look way better now.

"It's an improvement."

You know, you women, you're

so catty, so competitive!

Calm down, Tubby dearest.

No. You know what? It's

nothin' to be calm about, Mimi.

I mean, a glorious big set of f***in'

tits and a nice piece of ass,

it's thrilling!

It's thrilling!

This is

all a little too highbrow

for my teeny, tiny,

catty female mind.

Well, you know what? You

should have that enlarged.

Huh?

And while you're under,

you should have the comers

of your mouth lifted

so you can smile

every once in a while.

Sorry... Sorry, Chris.

Marty. Come on.

What? No.

No, you're a class act, Marty.

Mimi, would you like to get

your husband another drink,

or should I do the honors?

You should do it.

And I want it chilled.

And then you go with her and stir.

Honey?

The problem with

your boss, Barbara,

is he didn't have

his sh*t together.

I mean, apart...

Apart, I mean.

No. I mean, he didn't

compartmentalize.

You guys agree?

All right, Marty.

How would you compartmentalize?

How? Okay, well,

since you asked.

First thing first is I wouldn't have

a place that you could get caught.

Not a hotel,

not your girlfriend's crib.

That's key, right?

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