The Lone Ranger Page #3

(GAGGING)

(CHUCKLING)

Deal dies with you, old friend.

(ALL WHOOPING)

WILL:
That's not right.

It can't be right.

They're dead? All dead?

Even Dan?

Dan very dead.

But he's the Lone Ranger.

Would have been much easier, I agree.

How did you get out of jail, anyway?

Hmm?

And would you stop feeding that bird?

It's not alive, you know.

Awaiting spirit to return.

Not same thing.

(SQUAWKING)

(RATTLING)

Hmm.

(YELPS)

(GROANING)

(HORSE WHINNIES)

(GASPS)

Greetings, noble spirit horse.

(WHINNIES)

No, no! No, no, please.

You make mistake.

Half-wit.

- Wet brain.

- (SNORTS)

You come.

Come, come.

Him

- great warrior.

- (SNORTS)

Spirit horse

you have travelled far.

Obviously very fatigued.

I understand.

You come. Come, come.

- (NEIGHS)

- Come, come.

Him strong brother.

- Want him, bring him back.

- (WHINNYING)

(NEIGHS)

(PATTING)

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

John! Give me your hand!

Rebecca.

John!

(GASPS)

(GROANING)

(STRAINING)

(SNIFFS)

(BREATHING HARD)

(MUMBLES)

(PANTING)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)

(COCKING GUN)

If you are going to

sneak up on an Indian,

best to do it downwind.

(SNORTS)

Why are you talking to that horse?

My grandfather spoke

of a time when animals could speak.

When you get them alone, some still do.

But I cannot decide

whether this horse is stupid,

or pretending to be stupid.

Tricky.

Why am I covered in dirt?

Because I buried you.

(BREATHING HARD)

Then why am I alive?

Horse says you are Spirit Walker.

A man who has been to the other side,

and returned.

A man

who cannot be killed in battle.

Horse definitely stupid.

Are those my boots?

(SNIFFING)

He cut out his heart.

What kind of a man

does something like that?

Not a man.

An evil spirit

born in the empty spaces of the desert.

With a hunger

that cannot be satisfied.

(SNARLING)

And the power

to throw nature out of balance.

My people call this spirit "windigo."

I am Tonto of the Comanche,

last of the windigo hunters.

So, what do you want with me?

A vision told me a great warrior

and Spirit Walker

would help me on my quest.

I would have preferred someone else.

Your brother, perhaps.

He would have been good.

But who am I to question

the great father, hmm?

All I know is a man killed my brother,

and I'll see him hang for it.

Then you will need this.

A bullet?

Mmm.

A silver bullet?

Silver made him what he is.

And so it will return him to the earth.

Right.

You know what?

I would like to thank you

for everything that you've done for me.

But I should get back.

I, too,

seek the windigo Butch Cavendish.

Good.

I was prisoner on the train

the way a coyote stalks buffalo.

After hunting 26 years I had my prey

until you interfere.

Actually, I think I saved your life.

So, we're even.

Ow!

What the hell was that for?

Bird angry.

Yeah. You know what?

I can't help you.

Or your bird.

Where do you go?

Into town, to form a posse.

I would not do that, kemosabe.

Yeah?

There was a gun

waiting for Cavendish on the train.

Eight men rode into canyon.

I dig seven graves.

Collins.

He's known us since we were kids.

You find traitor,

you find the man who killed your brother.

That's my brother's vest.

Eyes, cut by the bullets that killed him.

From the great beyond,

he will protect you

and the ones you love.

You want me to wear a mask?

The men you seek

think you are dead, kemosabe.

Better to stay that way.

All right, but if we ride together,

it's to bring these men to justice

in a court of law.

Is that understood?

Justice

is what I seek, kemosabe.

(WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen,

into the Hall of Human Deformities.

Fun and educational for you, sir.

(SNARLING)

ALL:
(SIGNING)

...trampling out the vintage

Where the grapes of wrath are stored...

God has forsaken all you sinners,

and now the armies of hell are upon us.

Heathen. Heathen!

Heathen in our midst!

Heathen!

I'm looking for a man.

I bet.

Got money?

Of course.

Where did you get that?

Make trade.

With a dead man?

Hard bargain.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(MERRY HUBBUB)

So...

Are all these women professionals?

Sickness of greed is strong.

What about her?

Oh, yes. Her, too.

So how do you know all this?

A vision said it would be so.

Hmm.

Hi, Tonto.

(GLASS SHATTERING)

Couple of freaks here to see you.

RED:
Mmm-hmm. Thank you, Homer.

Just let me do the talking.

Ma'am.

What's with the mask?

Second thought, don't answer that.

No, one thing you learn In my business.

Killers, preachers,

war heroes, railroaders...

Every man has his thing.

(GIRL YELLING)

Railroaders?

Are you referring to Mr. Cole?

Oh, no, not Mr. Cole. No.

By all reports, Mr. Cole is, uh...

Well, he is no longer guided

by the same imperatives as other men.

Mr. Cole gelding.

Come to think of it, there was talk

of an incident during the war.

Let go of me!

- MAN:
I won't let you go!

- (CLICKING)

- Whoa!

- (ALL GASP)

No free rides, gentlemen!

(LAUGHTER)

(PLAYING JAUNTY TUNE)

Scrimshaw.

Ivory.

- I want to touch.

- Uh-uh!

Not if you favor your hand.

(STAMMERING)

We're looking for a man named Collins.

He's a tracker, speaks Indian.

Never heard of him.

I see.

Well...

Coming in here,

we did happen to notice a number

of fairly serious health code violations.

Hmm.

It is a house of sin.

Yes, well, one with evidence

of livestock on the premises,

inadequately marked fire escapes,

and a fairly sinister-looking

jar of pickles on the bar.

Hmm. Pickles?

Unrefrigerated.

I'd hate to have to shut you down.

You want to shut down the railroad?

- Yes.

- No.

- Yes.

- Well, then you have a problem,

because there ain't no railroad

without girls like mine

doing the heavy lifting.

Homer, help these morons find the door.

(C*CKS GUN)

Windigo getting away.

What the hell is he talking about?

Nothing. It's an Indian thing.

Man who has taste for human flesh.

Butch Cavendish.

That's right.

Well, why didn't you just say so?

Collins was in about

a week ago with a lawman.

Ranger like you, as a matter of fact.

Said his name was, uh, Reid.

Dan Reid?

RED:
Had themselves

a hell of an argument.

JOHN:
What about?

RED:
Something

they found in the desert.

Paid me with this.

Do not touch rock!

Rock cursed.

(INDISTINCT SCREAMING)

(PANTING)

Injun's right. Worthless around here.

But get it to San Francisco,

they'd pay a thousand dollars cash.

Maybe I'll be on the first train west.

- Retire.

- (TONTO SNIFFING)

Do you have cat?

I did.

I thought he'd be an improvement

on the last man in my life,

but maybe it's me.

Red, we got trouble.

(CLOSING DOOR)

(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)

What are you doing?

Comanche gesture of respect.

Taste another man's drink.

Oh. Right.

- Thank you.

- RED:
I'm afraid we're gonna have to

bring our little visit to a close.

Some of my clientele don't take kindly

to an Indian on the premises.

(TONTO SNIFFING)

He has as much right

to be here as anyone else.

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