The Long, Long Trailer

---

Tacy! Tacy, open the door!

Tacy! It's me, Nicky! Are you here?

Tacy!

Tacy!

Tacy! Ta...

Are you the manager?

- Why, no. The manager...

- Where is he? Do you know?

Well, that's hard to say.

It seems a little girl in one of the trailers

lost her cat.

He's out trying to find it.

Is there anything I can do?

- No, I'm looking for some people.

- You'd better wait inside.

You won't miss anyone.

They've all got to pass right here.

It's real rainy, isn't it?

Yeah.

Like this to read? I get a great kick

out of these trailer magazines.

- Don't let me disturb you.

- Oh, that's all right.

You a trailerite?

- Yeah.

- Looks like I'm gonna be one too.

I had a time persuading my wife.

She was dead set against it.

Says it's too late in life

for us to start being gypsies.

But we've been looking

at one tonight.

A young lady wants to sell.

And I think it's done the trick.

The two of them

are back at the house now...

...measuring will the Deepfreeze fit in.

You know, my wife won't move

without that Deepfreeze.

Say, what kind of a motor

is the New Moon?

- Would you know?

- Rig.

You want to sound like an old-timer,

you call it a rig.

- Rig?

- The New Moon's fine.

Well, this one's practically new.

The young lady said it's only gone

some 7000 miles.

- Is that so?

- She feels terrible about selling it...

...but her plans changed.

She has to go back to her family.

- You been married long?

- Thirty-one years.

You get along all right?

No fights? No battles?

- Why, no.

- Then don't buy a trailer.

I'm telling you, don't buy a trailer.

That young lady with the trailer,

that's my wife.

My wife! I've been looking for her

for three days.

I've been to the police,

I've been to the highway patrol.

I must've gone to a hundred trailer

parks. Everything I own is in that trailer.

I haven't got a clean shirt.

I haven't got a change of clothes.

That's what can happen

when you buy a trailer.

I'm telling you, it's a fine thing...

...when you come home to your home,

and your home is gone.

If you told me two months ago

that I'd be fool enough to buy a trailer...

...I would have told you

you were crazy.

Absolutely out of your mind.

They were a joke to me.

A great big joke!

A trailer!

Oh, Tacy.

Oh, that's very funny, honey.

The Collinis are home.

Please drop in for cocktails.

You'll find us someplace

along the Lincoln Highway.

Or better yet, stay where you are.

We'll bring our house to you.

Hey, you know, you could get a

tambourine and I'll get a dancing bear...

...and we could clean up.

Honey, you're crying.

Did I say something wrong?

Did I say something to offend you?

No. I don't blame you for laughing.

It's a ridiculous idea.

But then I guess

I'm pretty ridiculous myself.

Thank heaven you found it out...

...before you made

the horrible mistake of marrying me.

Oh, honey, what on earth

are you talking about?

I'm just a figure of fun, a clown.

Oh, now, sweetheart, let's get this thing

straightened out right now.

Now, look at me, Tacy.

I wouldn't make fun of you, ever.

I'm the fellow who loves you, remember?

What is this about a trailer?

You mean,

you were seriously thinking of...

All I was thinking of

was making a home for my husband.

A little place we could call our own

where I could take care of him...

...cook for him

and make him comfortable.

If that's a horrible offense...

...if that makes me a criminal,

then I'm terribly sorry.

I apologize. I withdraw the whole idea.

Honey, can we talk this over calmly?

We'll have a home, darling.

What kind of a home when

your work takes you all those places?

- Colorado, Montana, Idaho...

- All right, then.

All right, we won't go to Colorado.

I'll get another job.

Oh, no. I didn't mean that.

This is a wonderful chance for you.

Anyway, it'll always

be something like that.

If it isn't a tunnel in Colorado...

...it'll be a bridge in Alaska...

...or a dam across the Pacific.

- Something off somewhere.

- I didn't know you felt...

We'll always be living out of suitcases

and using other people's things.

Living in some stale little hotel

or some grubby furnished room.

But don't you see? If we had a trailer...

...no matter where we went,

I could make a home for you.

When the job was over, we could hitch

up our house and go on to the next.

Now, look, honey.

Now let's get down to facts.

First of all, the kind of a trailer

that you're thinking about...

...probably costs a fortune.

Now, you know what our budget

is for the first year.

"Travel, honeymoon..."

Here it is, rent.

I know, $ 1700. All right.

Now, for only $ 100 more,

do you know what we could have?

Have you any conception?

We could have this beautiful home.

Only $ 1800, and that's complete,

mind you.

Everything is included. All this furniture.

Chairs, sofa, bed, stove, refrigerator,

shower bath, everything.

Absolutely everything,

right down to coat hangers in the closet.

You don't have to buy a thing.

Did you ever see anything as beautiful?

Well, it's kind of roomy at that.

- Wonderful closet space.

- Where?

That's the living room.

Oh. Well, it's convenient.

Everything is right there within easy...

You know, Nicky...

...what I was thinking about most of all

was our honeymoon.

Can't you just imagine

what it would be like?

Some of the most

beautiful country in the world...

...is between here and Colorado.

The whole trip

would be just like a dream.

We'd go where we pleased

when we pleased.

If we saw a beautiful spot

beside a brook or a mountain lake...

...a lovely wood, we'd stop there

and we'd be all alone.

It'd all be for us.

The moonlight and the sunsets...

...and the sound

of the tree toads far off...

The night the trailer show opened,

there was no holding Tacy.

Pardon me, but could you tell me

where the Bungalette trailer is?

Bungalette.

Oh, this is it, right here.

Thank you.

It's all right.

You know, we could put

some built-in gun racks right here.

Yeah.

- Both sides.

- I don't know. What's this business here?

Oh, excuse me, chum.

I thought my cap might...

Excuse me, l...

Pardon me. I want to get my cap

over here, lady, please.

- Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

- It's all right.

Pardon me, please. Pardon me.

But you know, it's pretty compact.

Oh, I'm so disappointed I could cry.

It looked enormous in the ads.

It was such a wonderful idea.

Well, don't worry, sweetheart.

We'll have a home.

We'll just have to wait a while,

that's all.

And then we saw it.

- Isn't it a beauty?

- Yeah, it's big, all right.

Let's look inside, just for fun.

Now, Tacy, that thing

must cost $ 1 million, at least.

Oh, I didn't mean

we'd ever think of buying it.

I know we could never do that.

But as long as we're here,

let's just look inside. Come on, darling.

What happened, darling?

Nothing, I just cracked my skull,

that's all.

Isn't it lovely?

So new and fresh and pretty.

Oh, look, glass in the oven

so you don't have to open it to look in.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes