The Long, Long Trailer Page #6

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Now, Tacy, that's one thing

that I can't let you do.

Oh, come on. Now, I'm a good driver.

I've been driving since I was 15.

And in Los Angeles.

What more could you ask?

Look, honey. This is something different.

You're pulling 3 tons. There's a trick.

I've been watching you. I know how.

Honey, stop this nonsense.

Come on, move over.

No, you ought to at least let me try.

What if you broke an arm or something?

Then I'd have to drive and you'd be sorry.

Okay.

- Careful!

- What's the matter, dear?

Don't ever take off like that!

You gotta remember, you've got 50 feet

of train behind you.

I know, dear. I know.

Now slow down.

You're going too fast, dear.

- Slow down.

- Yes, dear. Don't worry.

Hey, what are you doing?

You can't do that!

- You are over the white line.

- I know it, dear.

Have you lost your mind?

Get back, get back!

Just a minute.

Is that the Denver route mark?

You're going so fast, I couldn't read it.

It's all right. I saw it.

I'm telling you,

you're driving too fast.

You cannot drive

this trailer at this speed.

It's all right. It's only 35.

It's all right for you,

but I am sitting on the suicide seat.

Oh, very well.

We're coming up onto a town now.

I'll take over now. Pull over there.

I can't. There's a car behind me.

Oh, Nicky, did you see

that darling dress?

- It was blue and it had rickrack edging...

- Keep your hands on the wheel!

Well!

There's a turn out of town. I think it's

right. Would you look at the map, please?

- Red light! Red light!

- I see it.

- Trailer brakes first.

- I have them.

Which way?

We may be coming to it any minute.

I'm trying to find it.

Green light. Green light.

If you'd stop watching the road

and look at the map.

Somebody's gotta watch the road.

Here's where we are, right here.

- You turn left.

- Are you sure?

- Here it is.

- Oh, you're reading the map wrong.

- We're going south.

- What's that to do with it?

When you go south, you have to read

the map upside down. That way.

Of all the stupid, ridiculous nonsense

I've ever heard, this is the stupidest.

It would take a woman

to figure out that...

Beautiful spot, isn't it?

You ever seen such wonderful trees?

And the color. Just look at that color.

Yes, sir.

- You wanna stop and get a rock?

- No.

Okay. I thought you might like to.

It's so nice here.

Hey, what was that camp you were

talking to me about this morning?

You said it was some very special trailer

park you wanted to stay in tonight.

- You passed it an hour ago.

- I did?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't notice.

Oh, well, there'll be a lot more, I guess.

Good evening.

Could you tell us where we could find

a trailer park around here?

You passed the best one in the country

a couple hundred miles back.

- Nothing else around, huh?

- Not a thing, bud.

You want to go back?

Two hundred miles?

I'll tell you what you can do.

I'm closing up

and you're welcome to park here.

Two dollars for the night and you

can plug into my electric current.

Okay. Thank you.

If you're hungry,

find something in the icebox.

- What are you doing?

- I'm going to sleep in the living room.

- You're not gonna do any such thing.

- Oh, no?

No.

If anybody's gonna sleep there, I will.

Please, let's not be any more childish

about this than is necessary.

I would prefer sleeping here.

So if you don't mind,

will you take your things and get out?

Just as you wish.

Nicky! Nicky!

- Nicky, don't let's ever fight again.

- No, sweetheart.

Nicky, you know...? You know why

I think we had that awful fight?

Why we have arguments?

We drive too long.

We get to a place tired and hungry...

...and we have to wait

for me to get dinner ready.

Well, honey, then all we have to do

is just eat in restaurants.

You know that half the time

there just aren't any restaurants.

- No, I have a better idea.

- What's that, honey?

Tomorrow afternoon...

...about half an hour before

we want to have our dinner...

...I'll go back in the trailer

and get everything ready.

And then you pull into some nice spot...

...and by the time you get

the wheels blocked and get washed up...

...I'll have dinner on the table.

I'm hungry already.

Smells wonderful. What are we having?

- Ragout of beef.

- Ragout of beef!

- Angel food cake with fresh strawberries.

- Oh, boy!

- And caesar salad.

- Oh, I make a wonderful caesar salad.

Let me crumble the Roquefort cheese.

I got a...

Roquefort? Only boors use Roquefort.

You use aged, grated Parmesan.

Now, come on, honey.

Get out of here, will you?

I have a lot to do.

Oh, listen, can I cut the greens for you?

You don't cut the greens.

You tear them.

Now get out of here, will you, please?

I have a lot to do.

- Now, stop that!

- Sorry.

Oh, listen. If you need anything,

just rap at the front window.

Yes, dear. Yes, I will.

Nicky! It isn't going to work!

Nicky!

Nicky!

Nicky!

Nicky!

Nicky!

Well?

- You're on the wrong side of the street.

- That's all right, dear. Come on, now.

Take it easy, now. Be careful.

There you are.

- You're double-parked.

- Yes, I know, honey. Don't worry.

Now, look. I'll be back

at the caf in one hour.

Will you be all right?

Love this stuff.

My mother used to make it.

I still remember

what the kitchen smelled like.

It was so wonderful.

Oh, here he is at last.

The coffee, please.

Wasn't I lucky?

The waitress said she had piccalilli.

Makes it with her own tomatoes

and things, so I got a dozen jars.

- Thank you.

- Surely.

Tacy, I was talking to a fellow

in the parking lot.

He made me an offer on the trailer.

A thousand dollars.

He takes over the payments

and everything.

He'd pay us today, cash.

Where were you planning for us to live?

In a house, like human beings.

Something that is fastened

to the ground...

...that doesn't quiver every time

you take a step.

Something that we don't have to drag...

...every place we go,

like a couple of turtles.

I think you're terrible.

Talking about selling our home.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, Tacy.

Don't tell me you were thinking of

staying there after all that's happened.

Look at you. You can't walk,

you're bruised from head to foot...

That wasn't the trailer's fault.

I had no right to be back there.

The girls told me it's against the law...

...for anyone to ride in the back

of a trailer while it's moving.

- You could have been arrested for that.

- I could have been arrested?

They won't let you put

any living thing back there.

Not a cat, or a dog, or even a canary,

much less your wife.

- I put you back there? I was the one...?

- You certainly did.

Now, you listen to me. You...

You see what I mean?

That's all we've been doing

since we bought that... That thing.

Fighting, fighting, fighting.

I'm not fighting.

I'm just trying to tell you.

Besides, it isn't your trailer, it's mine.

You have no right to sell it.

I am the one who has to haul it.

And let me tell you something.

It's been one long nightmare.

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