The Longest Week Page #5

What he forgot to add was

that included himself.

Well, I feel very, very conflicted.

I like the idea of living

up at the summer home.

You know, upstate, life of

a reclusive writer. I really do.

But I'm allergic

to the grass, the clean air,

the bees, the ticks, the badgers,

a bunch of wildlife.

What are you trying to say, Conrad?

I am gonna move in with Beatrice.

That's great news.

Thank you.

Does she know that you're broke

and have no place else to go?

Of... Yes.

Don't you feel guilty about Dylan?

Obviously.

But, you know,

this is actually a very small city

and if you meet an attractive girl,

the chances are great

that one of your friends has

already slept with her or wants to.

You're lying

to yourself, Conrad.

I know.

I'm OK with it.

Ding-dong!

Hi.

Bonjour, Mon amour.

What's going on?

I'm moving in.

What happened to Dylan's?

I was allergic to his sheets

Egyptian cotton.

I have Egyptian cotton.

Well, we'll have to do

something about that.

I think I'm in love with you.

How? It's only been two days.

Then I'm in love

with the idea of you.

Not the actual me?

Well, the idea of someone's

always better.

You can't have sex with an idea.

I'm telling you,

don't put a scratch on it.

I won't.

Your father is going to kill me.

She's waiting.

Come on!

OK. Look alive.

There it is.

Yeah? What do you see there?

Well, I mean, it's obvious, kind of.

Right.

Explosive. It's explosive.

A car, right?

Do you see the...

You see just the headlights?

It's a female orgasm.

I think it's kind of clear.

I didn't...

That the driver is having?

What's wrong?

Um... nothing.

Sitting at Beatrice's piano,

Conrad quietly read Dylan's note.

"In lieu of

unnecessary explanations,"

"please enjoy this Volvo."

Conrad began to feel

an odd sensation

one of guilt.

He had never felt

the emotion before.

I think I have a brain tumour.

What?

Nothing.

I'm not... I'm not in the mood.

I'm sorry.

Sorry. Sorry.

You're never

in the mood anymore.

We had sex last night.

Yeah. You seemed a little distant.

We're just going

through a dry spell.

- Dry spell?

- That's all.

It's only been a week.

Watching Beatrice

as she delicately played the piano,

Conrad felt horrible

for his ceaseless deception.

For a moment, he contemplated

admitting his impoverishment.

Then the moment passed.

I mean, how can I be with someone

that doesn't appreciate

Bach or a Valmont?

This is a classic story,

Conrad. "Pygmalion".

Have you even read "Pygmalion"? This

has nothing to do with "Pygmalion".

You should revisit that.

Or get the notes

or I'll read it to you.

I've seen "My Fair Lady".

OK, Beatrice, stop right there.

Don't move. OK.

Don't move. Like that.

Beautiful, you're beautiful.

Tu es magnifique, tu es splendide.

Ne bouge pas! Ne bouge pas!

Regarde-moi. Give me love.

Give me love. Voil. Comme a.

Do you love me? Smile. Voil.

You love me? You love me?

OK, show me. Show me.

Show me you love me.

Show me. OK! Love!

Hate! Now. Like that.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Love. Hate. Love.

Voil! Encore une. One more.

Chapter One.

Greece was a place he'd visited

many times in his mind.

But on this day...

Jumping forward. Chapter three.

Chapter four.

So how long are they going to be

remodelling the Valmont?

A couple of months maybe.

What?

I think. Sometimes they take

a couple of months.

You said weeks.

Well...

Hey. I got your gift.

Hey.

Well, as good as it is to bump

into you guys, I have to go.

I've got my opening tonight.

What part of town's that in?

Whitman Gallery.

Maybe we'll see you there.

Don't know if I... Time.

Who's that girl?

Jocelyn.

That's not Jocelyn.

No. The... the other Jocelyn.

Let's get in this car. Come on.

I gotta go.

Conrad had often professed

that he led a "life of the mind".

Unfortunately for him,

his mind had been damaged

by years of abandonment,

philandering, Tom Collins, and

a two-pack-per-day nicotine habit,

not to mention

an unhealthy Oedipal complex.

The weight of his guilt

had finally become too heavy.

The incessant charade

could go on no longer.

What's wrong?

Where were you?

You left me in the concert.

You stayed?

Actually, I did. It was beautiful.

We're out of cigarettes.

Where are we going?

To the Valmont.

Why are we hiding

behind the bushes?

I want you to follow me on

the count of three. Ready? Go!

What?

Hi, Timothy.

Fredrick.

I don't believe

you're supposed to...

Mr. Valmont? Mr. Valmont?

Mr. Valmont! Stop them!

What is going on? This is crazy.

I know. Isn't it fun?

Where are we going?

What? Why are we...?

Shhhh!

Come on!

Please turn on the lights.

What is happening?

It's a game. Hey, if you see

my mother's jewels, get those.

What?

No, we should not do that.

Yeah, we should.

I showed her,

that washed-up debutante.

Sh*t.

Really, really good work, Timothy.

It's Fredrick, sir.

Yes, Fredrick. Sorry. No, I think you

lot are really picking up the pace.

You know where to return

Mother's jewels, right?

That's the penthouse, the East Wing,

the Rhodesian cabinet, third drawer.

I've got my cigarettes.

Please

tell Bernard that I'm very sorry.

I'll be right there, honey.

What was all that about?

I'm not sure

I even know anymore.

Conrad, what is going on?

You know, Beatrice,

I only moved in with you because

I've got no place else to go.

OK, I'm broke.

What do you mean?

I have nothing.

I was kicked out of the Valmont,

parents cut me off.

Conrad, you're nearly 40 years old.

Well, that's completely irrelevant.

I've got separation anxiety,

abandonment issues.

Are you saying you've been lying

to me this entire time?

Yes, but I'm not the only liar.

I saw you with Dylan earlier today.

What? You've been following me now?

I... I was trying to patch things

up between you. God, grow up.

You are not honest with yourself.

That's your problem.

OK, you're always acting so virtuous.

You're always talking about how

you want to be a bohemian musician.

In the end, you're just a model.

Well, at least I have a job.

You have just managed

to coast through life

without worrying about money or

anything else pertaining to reality.

You are just

a philandering narcissist

who's so afraid of being alone

because when you are alone,

you're gonna realise

how empty your life is.

You know what?

I should've gone with Dylan.

Between the two of you, he was

the nice one. You are insufferable.

Didn't seem to bother you

when I was flipping the bill.

Alright, you're just like

the rest of them.

You were only with me for the money.

I am the only girl

you have ever been with

who wasn't just in it

for the money.

And besides, you were broke.

Well... you didn't know that, so...

Staring into the grille

of a bread truck,

Conrad couldn't help

but think of the poor woman

who had been diagnosed with

Witzelsucht, the joking disease.

In a daze, he suddenly began

to speak fluent German,

though he had never studied

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