The Longest Yard

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...nails Harrison, and drags him

down as if he were gonna hog-tie him, too.

JB Logan helped out.

Anderson's ninth tackle,

he has two behind the line of scrimmage.

Give Harrison four yards to the twenty-six.

Stoney Walker's coming in

and Rufus Middleton is going out,

giving Middleton a breather.

Boy, has he been burning up

a few miles today on stadium turf.

Rufus Middleton. All right,

it's second and six on the twenty-six.

Stoney Walker deployed wide right, Larry

Singer left. The line is set. The snap...

How long do we have to keep

watching this crap?

...tumbled down

on the twenty-three. A quick trap.

He had room to run except

for that man from Jacksonville,

James Washington La Croix,

who made a good, sure, low tackle,

just as Harrison was about to spurt

deep into the secondary.

We've had quite an exciting

ball game this afternoon...

Only a moron could sit and watch

two football games one after the other.

Victorio covers him there.

Singer left.

It's about time Robinson went to Singer.

Harrison and Mancuso

are split behind Robinson.

Robinson gives instead to Harrison,

up the middle again.

He may have the first down,

he's close to the 20-yard line.

Let's see where they mark the ball.

Billy Jacoby and Sonny Anderson

again making the tackle. It's going to be...

Thank God.

That feels so good.

I feel so relaxed.

You know the help is off, Crewe.

The phones are off.

We're all alone.

Let's get it on, honey. Come on.

Honey.

- What?

Wake up, baby. Come on.

You know it'll be good.

You know how good it is.

Come on, Crewe.

Get off me.

Son of a b*tch.

Where are you going?

Splitting.

- Splitting?

You split when I tell you to split,

you All-American son of a b*tch.

Lovely, lovely.

And when you walk out, stay out.

You're too expensive to be useless.

Whore.

That's exactly what you are, a whore.

- I never looked at it that way before.

Everybody's bought you.

Colleges, the pros, your gamblers.

Who bought those

beautiful caps on your teeth,

the clothes you're wearing

and the bloody tan you've got?

Me.

Have I ever neglected to thank you,

Melissa?

You has-been.

Where're your keys?

If I took everything back... Stay away from

my keys. You'd be bare-assed naked.

Where're your goddamn keys?

- Don't touch my keys.

I think the love

has gone out of our relationship.

Bastard.

Don't you take my Maserati.

I earned it.

I told you not to touch my goddamn car.

Police.

Do you have a driver's licence?

- What, are you taking a poll?

Well, look what we got here.

A miniature cop.

Can we see your driver's licence?

What?

Can we see your driver's licence?

See if I can get it out.

It's him all right.

Why'd you dump her car in the Bay?

What?

- Why'd you dump her car in the Bay?

I couldn't find a car wash.

Step away from the bar.

Mister, step away from the bar.

Don't get pushy, cowboy.

Turn it around.

- Come on.

Hold that son of a b*tch.

- Damn.

Now we got you

for stealing a car, drunken driving,

drunk in public and resisting arrest.

Want something else?

- Yeah. I'm going to make you taller.

OK, men, let's go.

Good afternoon.

Where are you from?

Palm Beach County.

- Thank you, sir. Second door down.

This way, men.

They gave you $10,000

for shaving off your moustache on TV?

How about giving me $5,000 worth?

Coming right off: there's about

twenty-five hundred, three thousand,

four thousand coming up,

five thousand.

Anything else, sir?

- That's it.

Warden Hazen thinks

you're pretty hot stuff.

But I'm Captain Knauer.

I'm going to spell

things out for you. I run this prison.

He sits there growing old.

I'm out here busting heads.

And I run the football team.

What football team?

- My football team.

Oh.

Now, Hazen's going to ask you

to help coach.

And you just tell him, 'No way'.

Know something?

I don't like you.

You understand that?

Oh, yeah.

Attention Cell Block 3 A. Please report as

scheduled to your period assignment,

except for carpentry

and accounting classes.

All men assigned to farm detail will

meet at one o'clock in the Rotunda.

Warden, Captain Knauer's here

with inmate Crewe.

Send him in.

- Thank you, sir.

You can go in now.

- Thank you, Miss Toot.

Paul Crewe.

The Wrecking Crewe.

It's good to have you here.

- Thank you.

Young people can learn a great deal

from a skilful football game.

Offence, defence,

spirit of achievement, teamwork.

You might say...

...the game embodies

what has made our country great.

It's a great game.

It's played by great men.

We have something of a football team

here ourselves, you know.

First rank, semi-pro,

South-eastern League.

Runner-up, National Champions,

past five years.

Mister Crewe,

what do you think of semi-pro ball?

Semi-pro's a joke.

Well, perhaps we could use

a few pointers from the big leagues.

Captain, what do you say

to Mister Crewe here looking in,

giving us the benefit

of his invaluable knowledge?

That's a real good idea, Warden.

We could use all the help we can get.

Well?

I haven't held a football in eight years.

I'm not in very good shape.

Nobody's asked you to play,

Mister Crewe.

What we need is a coach. New blood.

New game plan.

Anybody who was pro football's

Most Valuable Player is special,

and I want to have that.

I'm not interested in football anymore.

Mister Crewe, I don't mind saying,

I pulled a lot of strings

to get you down here.

I appreciate that.

Look.

What I want is a national title.

If, perchance, you should help us

achieve that goal,

I expect your stay here

with us will be very agreeable.

Well?

I just want to do my time,

then get out of here.

Very well.

All right, I'll turn you over

to the good hands of Captain Knauer.

Swamp reclamation.

Get him out of here.

Captain.

- Yes, sir.

I'd like a word with you.

For the past five years,

you've promised me the national title,

and every year,

you've come up short.

I try, sir.

- When I want an answer, I'll indicate.

Yes, sir.

You've asked for bonus money.

Certainly take their football seriously,

don't they?

This year you've asked for new

game uniforms. I've OK'ed them.

Everything you've asked for,

I've given you.

Yes, sir. And I appreciate it, sir.

I want that title.

You'll give me that title,

or you'll be out of a job.

You and all that

over-priced beef you call a team.

We should be in the Superbowl by now.

I've lost patience. The gravy train is over.

This year you're going to win.

You've lovely hair.

...your last chance. Prison is no

different from any other community.

Ever find any spiders in it?

...then I haven't done my job.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I?

No, sir.

- Then you'll give me the title?

Yes, sir.

- Good.

I want that man out there.

And I want you to make

that son of a b*tch enthusiastic.

Ever do it standing up?

- Let's move it.

I say forget football, you do it.

- Why are you so mad?

You better start taking life seriously.

- I did exactly what you told me to do.

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