The Love Witch

1

- I'm starting a new life.

Up here where it's quiet and

clean among the redwoods.

And almost no one knows me.

Poor Jerry.

I had a nervous breakdown

after he left me.

They say I'm cured now.

But I still have

intrusive thoughts.

My therapist told me that

I'm not unusual at all.

People are abused

all over the world

every day

much worse than me

and they do fine.

- Your tail light's out, miss.

- Oh, thank you for

letting me know.

Are you gonna write me a ticket?

- I'll let ya go this time,

but make sure you get it fixed.

- Thank you, officer.

- You drive safely.

- When Jerry left

me, I devoured everything

I could about how to

get your man back.

According to the experts,

men are very fragile.

They can get crushed down if

you assert yourself in any way.

You have to be very tricky.

- Elaine?

Hi, I'm Trish.

- Hi, Trish, it's

nice to meet you.

- Oh, you're so pretty.

Oh, um, I didn't mean anything.

I'm married and everything.

- No, I didn't think anything.

- Well, let me help

you with your bags.

Is this all you've got?

- For now.

My art supplies are

being shipped over later.

- So you're an artist?

- Yes, I am.

- I'm an interior decorator.

- Oh, really?

- Yes.

That's how I met Barbara.

I decorated this apartment.

It was lucky I

still had the keys.

Barbara didn't exactly

know when she'd be back.

How do you know Barbara?

- We used to dance

together in San Francisco.

- Oh, really?

Well, I hope you

like the apartment.

It's a bit garish but

Barbara wanted it that way.

She had me take all of the

colors from the Thoth tarot deck

and she and her students did

a bunch of occult paintings

for me to hang.

She's into all that Wicca stuff.

Well, this is it.

- Oh, Trish, I love it.

It's just beautiful.

- Really?

Oh, I'm so glad.

I thought I may

have overdone it.

- Oh no, it's exactly my taste.

- You must be exhausted.

I'm sure you want to lie down.

- Actually, I was thinking

about getting a bite to eat.

Do you know of a

place around here?

- There's the

Victorian tea room.

We could go together, if

you don't mind the company.

- Oh, how fantastic.

Where can I freshen up?

- The bedroom is through there.

- I'll only be a moment.

- What a lovely room.

- Yes, isn't it?

I love Victoriana.

- Being here is like being

a Princess in a fairy tale.

- Do you have fairy

Princess fantasies, Elaine?

- Of course.

We may be grown

women, but underneath

we're just little girls

dreaming about being carried off

by a prince on a white horse.

- Yes, I suppose so.

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

- I don't think I've found

my prince charming yet,

but I think I found the formula.

You know, I've been

studying parapsychology

and I understand men so

much better than I used to.

If only I would have known

before what I know now.

Then Jerry would

have never left me.

- Who's Jerry?

- My ex-husband.

The day he left me was

the day that I died.

But then I was

reborn as a witch.

Barbara and Dan brought

me back to life.

They taught me everything I

know about magic and about men.

Men are like children.

They're very easy to please

as long as we give

them what they want.

- Where were we?

Oh, men, you said we need

to give them what they want.

Well, what do men want?

- Just a pretty woman to

love and to take care of them

and to make them feel like a man

and to give them total freedom

in whatever they wanna do or be.

- But what about what we want?

How are we going to

be equals with men

if we keep catering

to all of their needs?

- I think that if you want

love, you have to give love.

Giving men sex is a way of

unlocking their love potential.

- You sound as if you'd been

brainwashed by the patriarchy.

Your whole self-worth is

wrapped up in pleasing a man.

I'll admit, I used

sex to get this,

but I'm not proud of it.

A whole world doesn't

revolve around a man's needs.

If I gave Richard sex

every time he wanted it,

I'd be a wreck.

- Poor Richard.

He loves you and he wants

you and you torture him.

You have to give

a man his fantasy.

- His fantasy?

- Yes, his fantasy.

But what I'm really

interested in

is love.

You might say I'm

addicted to love.

I wonder if all

women feel that way?

- Well, it depends on

what you mean by love.

A husband isn't

a prince, Elaine,

and life isn't a fairy tale.

We have to face that fact.

- Why?

Maybe life could be a fairy tale

if you pleased

your husband more.

- I don't

need to please Richard.

Richard loves me for myself.

- Of course.

Maybe you did find

your prince charming.

- Perhaps I did.

- Guess who.

- Richard, what

are you doing here?

This tea room is

for ladies only.

- Oh, I went to

visit you at work

and Julie said you were here.

I thought we could

have lunch together.

- Well, that's very sweet,

but I've already had my lunch.

Oh, uh, Richard, this is Elaine.

Elaine, this is my

husband, Richard.

- I've heard so much

about you, Richard.

- Nothing too horrible, I hope.

- On the contrary.

- Goddess, please,

send me a beautiful, sweet man

to love me as I love him.

To love me, love me,

love me,

love me,

love me,

love me,

love me,

love me.

Hi, are you Wendy?

- Yes, what can I do for you?

- I'm Elaine.

We spoke on the phone.

I make natural soaps

and candles and things.

- Elaine, right.

Thanks for coming by.

Mind if I have a look?

- Please do.

- These are nice.

Really nice.

I think these will

do well in the store.

- Then you'll take them?

- Let's start with these

and see how they do.

If these sell in the next

week or two, I'll order more.

Sound good?

- Yes, fantastic.

Thank you, Wendy.

- Sure, Elaine.

Bright blessings.

- People always

ask me why I'm a witch.

I tell them it's because I

wanna have magical powers.

But it's not like it sounds.

All it is is using your

will to get what you want.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- It's a beautiful day.

- Yes, it is.

I love to be out in

nature on days like this.

- Oh, you like nature?

- Very much.

You seem like a nature type too.

I'll bet you like to

spend time in the woods.

- That's right.

How'd you know?

- I can just tell.

Nature is where your heart is.

City and people can get

to be too much for you.

- Whuh, that is a lot to get

from someone in a few seconds.

- I'm talented that way.

- Well, you're right

about the city.

In fact, I have a

house out in the woods

about an hour from here.

I like to go there whenever

I can to, you know,

just think and read.

- Do you take your

wife up there?

- No.

I'm not married.

- Well, you might at

least take a girl up there

once in a while.

- I do.

I do, once in a while.

- You wanna take a

girl up there now?

What do you mean?

- Well, I'm new in town

and I haven't seen much

of the nature around here.

I'll make you a nice dinner.

- Yes, yes, okay, sure.

Uh, my car is right over there.

- Okay.

Let's go.

You know what I'd

like to do right now?

I'd like to make love

right here in the car

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