The Luck of the Irish Page #2

---

it got weirder.

The first weird thing

was my dad's old

high school yearbook.

He wasn't in it.

At least, Bob Johnson wasn't in it.

Robert Smith.

Bob Smith.

[ KATE ]:
Kyle.

Oh, hi, Mom.

What are you doin'?

Nothing.

Um...I'm gonna go shoot some hoops.

OK.

- OK.

Don't be late for supper.

I'm making stir-fry.

Why would he change his name

from Smith to Johnson?

You know, I mean, if you're gonna

change your name, at least change it to

something interesting.

Or, you know what?

Maybe he didn't pick it.

Maybe it was the F.B.I. or something,

like they gave him a new identity.

No, man. you gotta be,

like, a hit man or something

before they'll let you do that.

Nah.

Man, how do you

make those shots?

You know what? Maybe they

were, like, these big radicals

in the sixties, you know?

And they had

to go underground?

Yeah, or you know what?

Maybe they're really aliens,

and they got stranded on Earth,

when their spaceship crashed.

You...just touched the rim!

Yeah, I did! Ha!

My dad measures me, like, every week

to see if I'm getting taller.

Then he measures my vertical jump.

Man, if I could touch the rim...

Man, you sure are lucky.

What does luck have to do

with how high you can jump?

You're the luckiest guy in school, Kyle,

everybody knows it.

You know what, I think it's

because of that lucky charm.

Maybe it really works.

- What, this?

Nah, this is just

something my mom gave me

when I was a baby.

Hey, check it out!

Somebody lost $10!

Luck and a half, man.

You're always finding

money lying in the street.

Hey, we're a team, all right?

I'll split it with you.

Cool.

Hey, man, check it out.

Hey, you know what?

I saw that guy on TV once.

No, no, no. The thing behind him...

it's the same as my coin.

I thought it was, like,

Chinese or something.

Hey, you know what?

I think this guy's Irish.

Maybe my mom's Irish.

[ CELTIC FLUTE & DRUMS ]

[ AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE SCREAMS ]

[ CELTIC MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ MAN ]:
Top o' the morning

to you, heh heh.

Top o' the morning to you.

Heh heh. Top o' the morning

to you, heh heh.

Hi.

Yo, the feet are the bomb,

but, like, what's with the arms?

It's something called Step Dancing.

Now, why wouldn't your mother

want you to know if she was Irish?

I don't know.

I just get this really weird feeling

whenever I talk to her.

I mean, it's like they

don't want me to know

anything about my heritage.

I didn't know you really cared

about this heritage stuff.

Well, I don't.

I mean, I didn't, anyway.

Now I feel like

I'm missing something.

Yeah.

Top o' the morning to you.

Ah, sweetie, top o' the morning to you.

[ SHRIEKS ]

Ha, maybe I should read this.

Look!

Heh, they have these good luck

thingies like yours.

Those are just, you know, fake.

Mine's real gold.

Right.

[ IRISH ACCENT ]

You can always tell the real thing.

Yeah, I guess so.

Did you make those yourself,

or is it your ma still does it for you,

and you half-grown?

You mean, my shoes?

They're called basketball shoes, Sir.

Yeah, you buy them at a store?

At the store, is it? Oh!

[ KYLE ]:
Yeah. Ow!

And what'll become of your feet

when the road becomes

hard and stony?

Oh, look at this, boyo.

Good Irish leather, eh?

Soft as a spring shower

and tough as a landlord's heart.

Hey! You can't put your feet up there.

Get the boys a bag of spuds.

Hey, how'd you do--

[ RUSSELL ]:
Where'd he go?

[ CLAPPING AND CHEERING ]

[ ANNOUNCER ]:

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Seamus McTiernan, Saint of the Step!

[ IRISH ACCENT]:
If you hail

from the shores of the Emerald Isle,

or wish you did...

if the blood in your veins

is as green as a shamrock

and your heart's full of blarney,

then the Saint of the Step loves you!

If you believe in the Little People,

and you know that there's a pot o' gold

at the end of every rainbow;

then you belong

to the Saint of the Step!

[ IRISH DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ]

Man, is this bogus or what?

Kyle?

Kyle?

Kyle, what are you doing?

I don't know!

I can't help it!

Sorry, kid.

Heh heh heh.

Top o' the morning to you.

[ ALARM CLOCK RINGING ]

[ RINGING STOPS ]

Ow! Uhh!

[ KATE SINGING ]

[ IRISH ACCENT ]: Ah! Top o'

the morning to you!

Did you do something to your hair, Mom?

I just thought I'd try a more natural look.

Now, sit yourself down,

and I'll put your breakfast

on the table.

Is that bacon I smell?

It is, and I've a pair of hen's eggs

frying for each of you.

[ BOB ]:
Bacon and eggs?

Isn't that a little heavy

on the cholesterol?

[ KATE ]:
It's time you put

some meat on your bones.

Now, sit down, the two of you.

Does Ma sound a--

I mean, does Mom sound a wee bit--

I just said, "a wee bit."

Yeah.

I've been thinking about

what you said, Kyle,

about your heritage,

and there's something I have to tell you.

Uh, Kate, are you sure

this is the right time?

I mean--

Oh, it's no use trying to hide it, Bobby.

It's about me family, Kyle.

Kate, why don't we just go out and--

We're Irish.

Why didn't you guys tell me

about this before now?

Oh, I wanted to protect you, Kyle,

from the way it was when the

Irish first came to America,

from the jokes and the dirty jobs

nobody else would take,

and the signs in the shop windows

saying:
"No Irish need apply."

I wanted you to be

100% American.

Mom, that Irish immigrant stuff

was, like, over 100 years ago;

wasn't it?

I remember, when I was a little boy,

my mother used to make bacon and eggs

every morning for breakfast,

and we'd have white bread, toasted,

with a lot of margarine on it and then--

hen's eggs and a rasher of bacon.

Potato cakes, bangers, and

a black-and-white pudding.

What's black-and-white pudding?

Blood sausage and pork sausage.

And I packed some crubeens and

colcannon for your lunch.

[ KYLE ]:
I mean, it's really weird,

you know?

At first, it's like she's trying

to hide where her family's from,

and now she's cooking all this Irish food,

and she's even talking funny.

OK, so what about your dad

changing his name?

Oh, well, it really doesn't seem like it's

such a big deal now, you know?

I mean, at least I know I got

a heritage, you know?

At least I know I'm--

Hey, some green!

Every day.

Kyle:
YEAH.

I guess it must be

THE LUCK OF THE IRISH.

[ KYLE ]:
That was the beginning

of the unluckiest day of my life.

I lost my homework. it must have fallen--

[ STUDENTS LAUGH ]

Hey, lookin' good.

What's up, Kyle?

Did you eat already?

I lost my lunch.

Yeah, and on your pants, too.

Ew, That's nasty.

- [ KYLE ]:
Well, I was gonna,

you know,

buy my lunch, but I lost my money.

Well, you want some chips?

They're Emerald Isle.

Look, that's never happened to me,

Russell, all right?

I can't remember losing anything, ever.

In my whole life.

Look, it is just bad luck.

It happens to everybody.

Hey, Kyle, you want my dessert?

Chocolate makes me break out.

[ KYLE ]:
Yeah.

Well, so much for bad luck.

Hey, Kyle can touch the rim.

No way, man.

Yeah, way, man,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes