The Man from Elysian Fields Page #3

Maybe like on an interim basis.

Something like opera, tennis, ballet...

but just no, you know?

I just don't want the...

well, you know...

the thing over there.

Maybe this is a...

...a very bad idea.

-An idea's only bad if doesn't work.

Right, maybe somewhere down the line

you can find me a nice old gal...

that's looking for like

a bridge partner.

-Byron...

-What?

I was nervous my first time too.

That's why it's so important we find

someone you can respond to in kind.

I mean, if we can't

provide true love...

at least we can find symmetry.

And your wedding ring and

your specs, they'll have to go.

Luther...

...I appreciate what you've done.

-Well, I haven't done anything yet.

-Maybe that's for the best.

-Andrea Allcott, 35 years old.

Charismatic. Face of an angel.

You should have a lot in common.

Her husband's a novelist, too.

Just like you.

-Great.

-You may have heard of him.

Tobias Allcott.

Tobias Allcott,

the Pulitzer Prize winner?

Yeah, well, actually,

I think he's won three.

But Pulitzers Prizes' winner

sounds almost gluttonous.

In college I took an entire course...

...just specifically on his writing.

-Really? How did you do?

B plus.

Maybe you should bone up.

Baby, have you seen my earrings?

What did you do, swallow it?

I've got a really good feeling

about this guy.

You always had a good instinct

for this kind of thing.

I do, don't l?

He must be quite a prospect.

Well, when Picasso's art teacher

saw his first doodles...

he must've sensed

something special.

That's just how I felt

when I first met you.

Darling,

you're hopelessly romantic.

Hopeful.

It's a lot worse.

It's late.

-Let's go and do something there.

-No, George expects me.

Let's go and celebrate.

Don't you think

it's a trifle premature?

The best time to celebrate:

before everything turns sour.

Don't worry.

It won't.

-Here.

-What's this?

It's last month's check.

I forgot.

So did I.

-Are you going out?

-Didn't I tell you?

I have a meeting with

the Little Brown publishers.

-This late?

-Drinks and dinner.

-Why?

-It's a bit early to talk about it.

-Not to me.

-You know I'm a little superstitious.

No, you're not.

About the good things I am.

You haven't noticed because good

things haven't been coming up lately.

They want me to meet some people

from the Book of the Month Club.

-My God, really?

-There's no guarantees.

-No, honey, but that's great!

-They'll squeeze me to a short one.

February.

I wish you had

something nicer to wear.

It's just dinner.

Table's gonna hide most of me.

If they have lobster, order it. Cause

then you're covered by the bib.

I gotta go.

I'm gonna wanna hear everything

when you get home.

You must be the new man.

Nigel Halsey.

Byron Tiller.

Yes, the writer.

Well, the master must be impressed.

I see he took you to Dunhill.

Let's see.

Not her again. Never tell a client

she has a nice ass. It'll never end.

Would you like a Bulgari tonight?

No, no, you take it.

Thanks.

You ever done this kind

of work before?

It's like rolling off a log. Just

don't roll off until they finish.

Well, Luther actually said that they

don't all necessarily want to.

Right. Right.

You'll get used to it.

It's when they want you to hold them

afterwards, as if it meant something.

That's when you realize it's all

bullshit. But what business isn't?

Could be selling used cars. At least

we give them their money's worth.

But don't worry, Byron.

You'll be fine.

All these rich b*tches want

is some companionship...

and sex.

We're like cocker spaniels

with hard-ons.

-I'll keep that image in mind.

-Good.

Hello?

Hi. It's me.

Is anything wrong?

No. I just...

got one of those urges to tell you

that I love you.

And I love you.

-Why?

-You know why.

I need to hear it.

Because...

you're smart and funny...

...and thoughtful.

-Dena...

I don't...

...I don't feel any of those things.

-Byron, you're just nervous.

But it's okay, you know why?

Why?

'Cause I'll be right here,

believing in you. 0kay?

Everyone is nervous the first time.

It was important for Byron

to meet someone beautiful.

Someone like Andrea Allcott,

who, indeed...

had the face of an angel.

And it wasn't just her face.

Plastic surgeons make money to buy

yachts for rearranging nature...

in a more pleasing way. No, this

wasn't just a run-of-the-mill angel.

This one, I'm sure...

God handled himself.

You must be the man

from Elysian Fields.

Yes.

I hate to go to these alone. I'd have

got out of it, but it's for charity.

Let's hope they find a cure for

whatever it is... quick.

So, what would you like to do now?

-Are you hungry?

-Not really.

-Actually, a biscotti would be nice.

-A biscotti. 0f course.

-0ne biscotti, please.

-Sure.

-How much?

-Two dollars.

Listen, may I get a receipt?

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

You don't have to thank me.

It's a business expense.

Which brings up a question

I'm not sure I should ask.

Asking is your prerogative.

Not answering is mine.

Why didn't you consider bringing

a friend this evening?

Right.

Why would someone like you

need someone like me?

There are some occasions to which

a woman should have an escort.

Yes, but...

I would figure that it would be very

easy for you to find a real one.

Aren't you a real one?

I mean someone you wouldn't

have to arrange.

I'm married.

That's not always

a stumbling block.

I love my husband dearly.

That's very nice.

We think so.

Will you be all right in a taxi?

Good night, Mr. Tiller.

Good night.

If you could mail the check

immediately, Mrs. Randolph...

I'd really appreciate it.

Thank you, good bye.

I don't know why they call them

outstanding checks.

-As if not being paid is a good thing.

-I saw you last night.

-Where?

-At the concert.

She's very attractive.

You mean Jennifer Adler,

she's been a client for years.

In fact, she's the only client

I still handle personally.

If it hadn't been for her, I probably

would've retired years ago.

Well, I think I'll be retiring now.

What, already?

Yeah, I'm not sure that I'm really

cut out for this sort of thing.

Byron, are you doubting

my instincts?

Well, then I hope you like

experimental theatre.

I hate coming to these things alone.

-I'd have gotten out of it...

-Let me guess...

it's for charity.

I used to have one of those

on my dashboard.

So...

how about a biscotti?

You want me to get in this time?

If you like.

If I don't, will the check bounce?

It might.

-Where to then, ma'am?

-Pasadena.

-Would you like one?

-No, thank you.

-So, do you go out often?

-Not often.

Most of my friends are my husband's,

and most of his friends are dead.

Would you like me

to see you to the door?

That'd be polite.

-Thank you, Phillip.

-Good night, ma'am.

Thank you.

Do you like hot cocoa?

-Do you make it with milk or water?

-Milk, of course.

What would you have done

if I'd said water?

Prayed for marshmallows.

It's delicious.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes