The Man from U.N.C.L.E. Page #2

in the world.

You, Solo, are to investigate Victoria

and Alexander Vinciguerra.

Our Russian friend will focus

on Miss Teller and her Uncle Rudi.

We'll leave you two to get acquainted.

Oleg.

Give my regards to Nina.

Obviously, I was briefed about you.

Your corrupt and criminal background...

...until you were caught and the CIA

blackmailed you into working for them.

But what interests me,

given your profile...

...is what would motivate you to become

the CIA's most effective agent.

I concluded it must be...

...to counteract the humiliation

of knowing your balls...

...are at the end of a very long leash

held by a very short man.

I'm sure you understand humiliation.

Better than most.

Really?

- How so?

- Well, after your performance last night...

...I thought I should read up on you.

Rather a sad story, what with your dad

being a big pal of Stalin's...

...and a top government official

with all the perks and privileges...

...right up until he was caught

embezzling party funds.

How old were you

when he was sent to the Gulag?

Ten?

Eleven years old?

Was that when the psychotic

episodes started?

You did, however, rise above it.

Special forces. KGB.

The youngest man to join, in fact,

and their best within three years.

I do wonder if it was your father's shame

that gave you such drive, though.

Or...

...was it your mother's reputation?

I understand that she was...

...extremely popular

amongst your father's friends...

...after he was shipped off to Siberia.

America is teaming up with Russia.

Is this a joke?

It should tell you

how important this mission is.

To everyone.

I'm not going back behind that Wall.

And at the end of this,

that's what they'll want.

You don't have to go anywhere

that you don't want to go.

You're the star of this show...

My woman would never wear

anything like that.

What's he doing here?

I told you, we're teaming up

with the Russians.

Doesn't get any more Russian

than the Red Peril here.

And why did he call me his woman?

Because I am now your fianc.

No, no, no.

No!

Smoothly done.

Gaby. Gaby. Wait.

Give me a minute to explain.

It's your cover.

He's an architect designing a resort for

heroes of the Soviet Union by the Black Sea.

The Russian Minister of Culture has

a weakness for classical architecture...

...and he's sending your man there

to Rome to study.

He's also managed to secure a visa

for his fiance.

And, naturally, you'd introduce him

to your beloved Uncle Rudi.

And what about you? What's your cover?

Jack Deveny. Antiquities dealer,

specializing in Greek and Roman sculpture.

The Vinciguerra family happen to have

one of the finest collections in the world.

You're asking too much of me.

You'll do fine.

No.

- These dresses are all in your size.

- Excuse me?

Soviet architect traveling to Rome...

...would never dress his woman

in the clothes you tried to put her in.

You tried to dress her like someone

on your side thinks...

...someone dress

behind the Iron Curtain.

She's from behind the Iron Curtain.

That doesn't mean

she want to bring it with her.

We need two purses, please.

An everyday and clutch.

And grab that belt.

No.

No, not the Dior, the Rabanne.

You can't put a Paco Rabanne belt

on a Patou.

- She's not going to wear a Patou.

- What's wrong with a Patou?

Nothing. If you're fat.

The Dior goes with the Rabanne.

It won't match.

It doesn't have to match.

Have you seen the price of this handbag?

It costs more than my car.

You can get back

on your horse now, cowboy.

I'll see you in Rome.

Not bad.

I like this. Yes.

But it's missing...

...a little something.

Now we are engaged.

Congratulations.

- Enjoy your stay, Mr. Waverly.

- I hope so.

Jack Deveny. Checking in.

- Welcome to Rome, Mr. Deveny.

- Thank you.

I have a quick errand to run.

Could you have my bag taken

to my room, please?

- Of course.

- Thank you.

Luigi.

Where are we going?

The same place every architect goes

when they visit Rome.

To see the sights.

So, Mr. Architect...

...I'm sure you've done your homework.

Why don't you tell me a bit

about the Steps.

Good question.

The Steps were constructed in 1723...

...credited to two Italian architects.

Really, built by Russian.

Sergei Ivanov.

Now, Sergei also had mother, Yagoda...

...who introduced him

to classical architecture...

...and whom he revered as his muse.

Unfortunately for Sergei, his mother died

in the middle of construction.

So in memory of his beloved Yagoda...

...he make one step

to celebrate every year...

...of his mother's life.

So she died at 135.

No. She died at 100.

He was 35.

So 135 steps.

Impressive.

So she gave birth at the age of 65?

No.

I...

Evening, comrade.

You're not supposed

to be making contact in public.

- You're being followed.

- I know.

Two men from hotel lobby. Mid-30s.

One in brown suit.

Other in leather jacket,

which is why you should leave.

They diverted

when you turned down the Steps.

So I imagine

they'll be waiting ahead for you.

I will handle them.

"Handle"?

Just to avoid any confusion, you do mean

give them your wallet and act scared?

"Scared"?

- What's going on?

- You're being tested.

Someone is trying to make sure

that your fianc is really an architect...

...and not someone

who's trained how to fight.

KGB agent, for example.

I said, you are not needed here.

I think you should do as he says.

And remember:

Take it like a p*ssy.

This is not the Russian way.

Nice shoes.

Thank you.

Perhaps you give them to me.

I think your feet are a little small.

Then give me some money for coffee.

Dearest...

...give the gentlemen something for coffee.

Enjoy your coffee.

Nice watch.

- Darling, give him the watch.

- And the ring.

Thank you.

Give me the watch!

Give him the watch!

Illya.

Do as he says.

Calm down.

Not very good

at this whole subtlety thing, are you?

That man stole my father's watch.

Aren't you supposed

to be a Russian architect?

Da, but a Russian architect would fight.

Russian agent would've killed them both.

So it's no trouble unless you continue

to question my actions.

So you've actually thought this through.

Would you like

to finish what we started?

Don't!

You two are supposed

to be looking after me.

So why am I playing mother?

Either you start to look like you know

what you're doing...

...or I'm out of here.

It's open.

Good evening, Mr. Deveny.

With the compliments of the hotel.

I apologize it wasn't brought up earlier.

Thank you very much.

Is there anything else I can do for you?

It's a fine bottle of champagne.

Be a shame to drink it alone.

I'm still on duty, Mr. Deveny.

Pity.

But my shift ends in five minutes.

I'm sure we can find something to do

for five minutes.

There's a party tomorrow

to celebrate the 50th anniversary...

...of Vinciguerra Shipping.

Uncle Rudi has invited us.

- Drink?

- No. Thank you.

Would you like bigger glass?

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