The Man Who Came to Dinner Page #8

Beverly? Really? I thought he was being

glamorous again on a tramp steamer.

Oh, come, mustn't be bitter

just because...

...he got better notices than you did.

- Don't be silly. I never read notices.

I simply wouldn't care to act

with him again.

He's not staying here, is he?

I hope not.

Temper, temper, temper.

No, he's not.

Where'd you get that diamond bracelet?

That's a new bit of loot.

Haven't you seen this before? Cedric

gave it to me for his mother's birthday.

She was simply furious. But

I have a taxi waiting. If I'm to get back...

Sherry. Sherry, what do you think...?

Oh, hello, Maggie.

I knew you must be around somewhere.

How are you, my dear?

Santa Claus has been at work.

Lorraine blossom just dropped

in out of the blue and surprised us.

- Hello, Lorraine.

- Hello.

Bert, is that you? Come right in, Bert.

Mr. Bert Jefferson.

- Miss Lorraine Sheldon.

- How do you do?

How do you do?

I didn't quite catch the name. Jefferson?

That's right, pet.

Why, Mr. Jefferson,

you don't look like a newspaperman.

You don't look like one at all.

Really? I thought it was written

all over me in neon lights.

Not at all. You know, I should have

said you were a... Oh, I don't know...

...an aviator,

an explorer or something.

They have the same dash

about them.

I'm simply enchanted

with your little town.

It gives one such a warm,

gracious feeling.

- Have you lived here all your life?

- Practically.

Now, if you wish to hear the story of

his life, kindly do so on your own time.

Maggie and I have work to do.

Get out of here. On your way, blossom.

He's the world's rudest man, isn't he?

Oh, could I drop you, Mr. Jefferson?

I'm going down to the Mansion House,

I think it's called.

Thank you, but I've got my car.

Suppose I drop you?

Would you? That'd be lovely.

We'll send the taxi right off.

I'll see you later, Sherry. Bye, Maggie.

Goodbye, Maggie. By the way,

I'm invited back for dinner, am I not?

Oh, yes. Yes, you are.

At Christmas, I always feed the needy.

Now stop oozing out. Get out.

Come on, I wanna hear more

about this charming little town of yours.

I wanna know a great deal

more about you too.

Let me see. Is there a copy

of that broadcast around here?

How much time did

they want out, four minutes?

That's right, four minutes.

- She's looking very well, isn't she?

- Who?

Countess de Cyanide.

Quite a surprise, wasn't it,

her dropping in like this?

Yes. Yes, it was. Yes, it was. Yes.

"At this joyous season of the year, when

in the hearts of men..." I can't cut that.

Isn't it curious, there was

Lorraine snug as a bug...

...in somebody's patio in Palm Beach?

"Ere the Yuletide season pass"...

Now, Sherry,

I think we will talk a bit.

Look, just because a friend

comes out here and spends Christmas...

I don't think she happened to come

out here. I don't think that at all.

Surely you're not suggesting

that I had anything to do about it?

- Yes, Sherry, I am.

- Maggie.

You know that

one of my cardinal principles...

...is never to interfere in

other people's lives. Absolutely never.

Goodbye, Mr. Whiteside,

we can never thank you enough.

- You've changed our whole lives.

- Yes, well, goodbye. Have a nice trip.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye, Miss Cutler.

Bye.

I see.

I don't know what

they were talking about.

And as for Lorraine, no one was more

surprised than I when she walked in.

Sherry, I'm warning you.

This means a great deal to me.

I won't stand for any nonsense.

I have a hunch that's Beverly.

See who it is.

Go ahead, Maggie, run, run, run!

- Mr. Whiteside?

- Yes, come in.

Thank you.

- Beverly.

- Magpie.

Beverly Carlton. Come in here,

you Piccadilly penpusher...

...and gaze upon a soul in agony.

Now, don't tell me how you are, Sherry.

I want none of the tiresome details.

I have little time, so the conversation will

be entirely about me, and I shall love it.

Shall I tell how I glittered

through the South Seas like a scimitar?

Or would you rather hear how

I finished a play with one hand...

...and made love to a maharajah's

daughter with the other?

It was a very pretty sight.

Magpie, you are the moonflower of my

middle age, and I love you very much.

- Say something tender.

- Beverly, darling...

That's my girl. Sherry, without going

into mountainous waves of self-pity...

...how are you?

I'm fine, you presumptuous cockney.

How was this trip, wonderful?

The trip was fabulous. I wrote

two plays, a revue and an operetta.

All of them so brilliant

that they frighten me.

How can one man possibly

be as clever as I am?

It's one of the mysteries

of the universe.

Beverly, a very dear friend

of yours is visiting us.

- The languorous Lorraine.

- Oh, Miss Sheldon. Yes. Dear girl.

They do say she set fire to her mother,

but I don't believe it.

Tell me. Did you see my wonderful

Banjo when in Hollywood?

I did. And he gave a dinner for me.

I arrived in white tie and tails...

...to be met at the entrance

by two bewigged butlers...

...who very quietly proceeded

to take off my trousers.

I was then ushered in my lemon silk

shorts into the room...

...where there was Norma Shearer,

Claudette Colbert...

...and many, many others.

Dear, incomparable Banjo.

I'll never forget that summer when

Banjo put a mike in Lorraine's cabana...

...and played the record at lunch.

- I remember very well.

- And she left for the very next boat.

- I wish Banjo were here now.

Oh, my poor sweet little Magpie.

What's the matter?

Is Lorraine being her dear,

sweet, sick-making little self?

Wouldn't take her away with you,

would you? Would you, just for me?

Lorraine is a charming person...

...who has given up her own

Christmas to spend it with me.

- I knew I had dirt for us to nibble on.

- Oh, Mr. Whiteside?

What? Oh, no. I'm very busy now.

Go away.

Oh, that's all right. I'll wait.

Did you kidnap someone, Sherry?

No, that was Superman.

Now, come on, is this something juicy?

Juicy as a pomegranate.

It's the latest report from Palm Beach...

...on the winter maneuvers

of Lorraine Sheldon...

...against the left flank, or rather all

flanks, of Lord Cedric Bottomley.

Listen. "Lorraine arrived here in

November, in a cloud of Chanel N5.

Since then, in her relentless pursuit

of Cedric, she has paused only...

...to change girdles and check her oil.

She's chased him from beach house...

...to beach house, until he finally

took refuge for several weekends...

...in the men's locker rooms

of the Turf and Jockey Club.

Cedric is hiding in Carolina,

but Lorraine would fly to him...

...in a Stratoliner if he so much

as sneezed in her direction."

- Have you met our little Cedric, Maggie?

- No, I haven't.

"Not very good shooting today, blast it.

Only six pheasant, four duck

and my cousin Archie."

That's Bottomley to his very fingertips.

Oh, but that's impossible.

Nobody could be like that.

Oh, it's so good, it's uncanny.

Why do you have to race out of here?

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