The Man Who Knew Too Little

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Thank you, sir. Next.

Good day, chap. Wallace Ritchie.

Passport, please.

Just flown over from America.

I'm an American.

It's a new passport.

It's not a very good picture.

- I have a better picture.

- That won't be necessary, sir.

You've got a great accent.

Are you from here?

What is the purpose of your visit

to this country, sir?

Today is my birthday.

Happy birthday, sir.

Thank you.

My brother sent me money this year, so

I thought I'd come over and surprise him.

He works in the Featherstone Finch bank.

James Ritchie.

Do you know him?

Good evening. Guten Abend.

Guten Abend.

Schn, dich zu sehen.

Schn, dich zu sehen.

Very good. Sehr gut.

How long will you be staying

in this country?

That's a very good question.

Yes, I thought so, too.

I'd like to see everything but not have

people know I'm a tourist, you know?

Featherstone Finch believes that...

...one of our major strengths, if not

our major strength, is our diversity...

Is our diversification.

I want to see where the blitz was.

I've seen the film and its incredible.

- Half a day.

- I want to try that meat pudding.

I want to take a double-decker bus.

Half a day.

Good night, Garrett.

I want to see the queen riding a horse.

I want to get a suit made.

Okay. Three weeks.

Welcome to Great Britain, Mr. Ritchie.

Thanks very much. And it's Wallace...

David.

- Which door is England?

- That one there.

Stupid cow.

Stupid cow.

Stand by. The client's in position.

Okay, look. He's nervous. He's nervous,

so I want plenty of energy, please.

Be generous.

Stand by the phone, Des.

And dial.

And curtain up.

- You stupid cow!

- Please, mister, you've got to help me!

- Give it up, ma'am!

- Leave me alone!

I'm on the phone across the street!

You can see me in the window!

- You've got to help me!

- Who are you on the phone to?

None of your business.

Who are you talking to?

Look who it is. It's your favorite john.

Go on.

Tell him not to talk to you like that.

Come on, come on.

What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?

- Tell him to piss off.

- Look, this has gone quite far enough.

- And?

- The way you're treating...

Des.

Des...

What do you know about it?

It isn't the way a man should behave...

Otto.

What I'm saying is...

- I don't like him!

- Don't push your luck!

He's got a black belt. Haven't you?

Go on, tell him.

Yes. I've got a black belt in karate.

Karate chop this, then!

- What're you going to do now?

- Put the gun away!

Put it down!

- Put it down or we'll have to take you in!

- Who called the police? Was it you?

Want to take me?

Do you? Stay there.

You're going to have to catch me!

Come on!

Second police unit. They just left

the building and are heading towards you.

I will follow at a discreet distance.

Stand by, man with dog.

Exciting stuff.

Tickets aren't cheap...

...but neither are the thrills in

London's interactive theater experience:

The Theater of Life.

There are real streets, real rooms.

If you've got a sense of adventure,

you can be a real star for a night.

You don't even have to learn lines.

With help from your fellow actors,

you improvise as you go along.

Our major strength is diversification.

My God, that can't be them.

Consuela, the door, the door.

- I ordered some more champagne.

- I better go.

Our major strength is diversity.

Our major strength is diversification.

We've got our fingers in many pies.

Sis!

Let's have a hug.

Look at you.

You're a sweet little pocket-rocket.

What fun!

I thought he had an uptight English gal.

I'm Mrs. Ritchie. Can I help you?

You're Barbara?

I'm Mrs. Ritchie and this is our maid.

Is that champagne?

No, it's some shirts and socks

and a few pairs of jeans.

Oh, my God!

I know this guy.

Look at you!

Look at you.

You're still the ugly brother, thank God.

Barbara, this is my brother, Wallace.

- Hello. Pleased to meet you.

- Sorry to scare you.

What're you doing here?

Today's my birthday.

I thought you might not remember...

...so I came over to get my presents here.

How lovely. Set another place for dinner.

Great idea.

No, no, bad idea.

Wally can't be here tonight.

Why? He seems very sweet.

He is sweet.

Yeah, but...?

He's not the kind of guy

you drop into a boring business dinner.

With Wally, you need a sense of humor.

- And we have Germans coming for dinner.

- Exactly.

Still, they might find him interesting,

being in the film industry.

It's not exactly the film industry.

It is and it isn't. It is.

I'm with Blockbuster in Des Moines.

So you're not a producer.

Not exactly.

- Not at all, really.

- No way.

- It's just something I say.

- We all say it.

- It's something I say.

- A joke.

We'll just get rid of you for the night.

No, we won't. Not tonight.

It's his birthday.

Get rid of him, now.

What would he like?

Drama or a musical?

He likes it all. He wanted to be an actor.

He got the lead in our high school play,

but on opening night he...

I never thought anybody could forget so

much so fast without a blow to the head.

Damn, then this won't work.

Theater of Life. It's on TV now.

One of those

audience-participation things.

No, that sounds really embarrassing.

Pity. It's three and a half hours long.

It sounds really embarrassing.

This is London. This is theater land.

This is the hottest ticket in town.

I won't have to go on stage, will I?

They call you, tell you who you are,

where to go and help make up the rest.

There's nothing even to forget.

Can I see the hat?

I wish we could hang out.

It's my birthday.

I tell you what...

I was saving these for the dinner party.

Ambassadors.

The finest smokes you can buy. You and I

will fire them up when you get back.

Havana.

- Birthday cigars.

- That's them.

It's early.

I already laid out 117.50.

- What's that in real money?

- Pick up the phone.

Spenser.

They want Spenser.

That's your character name.

Go on, say something back. Go on.

- Hello.

- Number 6 Bishops Mews.

The back door is open.

The girl is upstairs.

Radio contact only from now on.

And Spenser, this time...

...remember to flush. Out.

What'd they say?

Remember to flush.

They were supposed

to give you an address.

6 Bishops Mews, England.

That's right around the corner. Come on.

I'll drop you off. It's gonna be great.

Speak.

- Help me! He's going to kill me!

- Give me that phone!

- Who is this?

- I'm in the flat across the street!

You can see me in the window!

Help me, please!

Liar! You stupid cow!

You lay one finger on me

and I'm calling the police.

Call the police now, then! Go on!

Bang on cue, your favorite john.

Johnny, tell him

he can't talk to you like that.

Tell him to go to hell.

Tell him anything you want.

Yeah, tell me anything you want!

Come on!

Do you know what your problem is,

apart from being a really ugly bastard?

Come on! You big pansy!

Give us your best shot, mouseballs!

Excuse me, are...?

Hello.

Why have we stopped, people?

Is there a problem?

- Break a leg. Gotta go.

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