The Man Who Sued God

In the latest weather news...

a severe storm warning

has been issued for the Eastern coast.

The weather bureau has also warned of high

winds and flash flooding in low lying areas.

Farmers are advised

that a sheet weather alert is coming.

What's wrong with you, Arthur?

Surely you're not scared of a wee bit sheet weather.

I know, that's where I'm going.

Here we go.

We're nearly there, Arthur.

Something tells me that this isn't

a very good day for fishing, Arthur.

That's instinct, old son.

- This is a day for spaghetti and wine.

- Hi Dad!

And bones, of course.

- Why, it's princess Ornatharicus.

- Why, it's Captain Ahab.

- How many did you catch?

- Millions. The hold's busting with...

I have a lobster for your mum. Hold that,

look after Arthur. I won't be long.

- Don't worry about it.

- Not a second.

We're having chops.

I hate lobster.

Tell your mum to put the kettle on.

Dad!

Come on, Arthur.

Stupid dog, come on.

Dad, come back!

- Let's have a look. That will have to come off.

- What?

The shoe.

- God, what were you doing?

- I was getting a bloody lobster for you.

Forceps, pliers, bone nibblers.

- What the hell are bone nibblers?

- You're a very lucky man.

Yes, it's been a brilliant day.

Why don't you have a look at the prostate?

- I thought the lightning had got you.

- Too fast for lightning, me.

This could hurt a bit.

Not going out today, mate?

Jesus, that's a real thigh-slapper.

- You need anything else?

- No, I'm fine.

Things always go wrong for Dad.

- I feel sorry for him.

- Do you?

He's got no boat, no house, no you.

They say people make their own luck.

That's stupid.

Why would anybody make luck that bad?

The wind must have come howling up here, right

underneath this one and buggered the whole issue.

- Place insured?

- Yes.

- You insured?

- Of course.

The old place stood up very well, though.

I was gonna rent one of your caravans

until I get my new boat.

Take a pick.

I don't want to crowd you and Jules,

- me being the ex and everything.

- You won't.

Does Jules know you guaranteed my loan?

You sure you're insured?

Have you looked at your policy?

It's in the boat.

- The premium's up-to-date. I checked.

- So did we.

- It's comprehensive insurance.

- Lightning, you said?

- What do you mean, 'Act of God'?

- Classic 'Act of God'.

My boat was where the lightning struck

because I put it there.

It was an accident, for f***'s sake.

It's in your policy.

Look.

Yes, look. Comprehensive.

COM-PRE-HENSIVE!

I'm sorry.

Bastards. Pains in the arse. Parasites.

You can disappear up your own...

David Myers, please.

His brother.

What's this crap about 'Act of God'?

Is that what they've got you on?

An 'Act of God' is force majeure.

It's a load of bollocks.

It's a legal fiction, that's what it is.

That's true, but it's a legitimate legal

fiction for things that aren't predictable.

Why would I need insurance

if life was predictable?

Tell me that.

I'm going down there.

- Going down here?

- Tomorrow.

Call them, write them a letter, threaten and

abuse them if it makes you feel any better.

You're a lawyer.

Remember their contracts are bullet proof.

That's very good.

Catch you later.

See you later.

What a guy.

- What's the problem

- No problem.

Don't tell me, they're not gonna pay?

- Of course. Can I borrow the car?

- Sure.

- Thanks very much.

- Why not?

Has it occurred to you that

maybe this is a wake-up call?

A grow-up call?

I don't know. I suppose it could be something

of that nature. What do you reckon, Arthur?

Stop talking to the bloody dog!

- Did you think you were going to die?

- For a second I thought I was dead.

Do you think you're ever going

to finish this house, Dad? Really?

But it's you I thought about,

standing there on the jetty.

Do you know what I though?

I thought you saved me

What do you make of that?

You've never forgiven me, have you,

for giving up the practice?

It's your life,

and I'm sure you'll do whatever you like.

You always do.

How do you do??

I'm sorry to bother you,

but I was just passing by

And I thought I might pop in.

I'm very grateful for your time.

I appreciate the difficulty of your position.

I'm very grateful for your time.

I know you're busy balancing the

interests of your shareholders and customers.

Actually, how do you do that?

There's been a little mistake here.

Little for you, big for me

Normally, I wouldn't bother you,

but it's the crayfish season

and my boat

lies at the bottom of the sea.

Did you read your policy, Mr. Myers?

- I have a daughter.

- I'm sorry, you should have read your policy.

- Four people are facing ruin.

- You should have read your policy, mate.

- It's a wonderful painting.

- Did you read your policy, Mr. Myers?

- Yes it said 'fully comprehensive'.

- Excepting 'Acts of God'.

There's the thing. It doesn't say

anywhere what an 'Act of God' is.

It's because it's widely understood.

It's acts of natural destruction like tidal waves.

Locusts, pillars of fire, plagues of boils,

that kind of thing.

God's not in charge of that stuff anymore.

With science we can forecast the weather now.

- I'm sorry.

- You're sorry? I've lost my work, my home.

My ex-wife's partner guaranteed

the loan and my only asset

with his bloody caravan-park,

which is his only asset.

I didn't come here to take no for an answer.

No. Sorry.

This may seem an obvious question, but if I

was to rise from this chair and I should slip somehow

and this crutch was to disappear down your neck

and shove your epiglottis out your arsehole...

Would that be an Act of God'?

Grey area.

I'm not leaving.

That's the worst f***ing painting

I've ever seen in my life.

Very good.

What are you doing?! I can walk,

for god's sake! Get my bag.

I have a life, you know.

You're a low-brow, bad taste,

sanctimonious, corporate arsehole!

I'm not finished with you.

I'll give you acts of God.

I'll give you locusts. Boils. I'll give you whirlwinds.

I'll give you the f***ing works!

I'll get f***ing mad!

You can jump out of your f***ing windows!

F***ing great!

Excuse me, Mr. Myers,

we've got a little back room today.

- Sorry I'm late.

- I started without you.

- Should you be taking those with that?

- No problem as long as you don't work heavy machinery.

Waiter.

I'm sorry.

Thank you very much.

Another one of these, pal, would be lovely.

- Let's go somewhere else.

- I like it here. Nice fascist simplicity.

We've got a wee job to do. We're gonna sue

Monarch Pestal Angel from here to the shithouse.

Don't be stupid. Armies of lawyers

have hammered out those policies.

Their liabilities are defined in minute detail.

What about God's liabilities?

Has anybody consulted him?

I'd love to help you. I love you like

a brother, but this is ridiculous.

I'm your brother.

You love me like a lawyer.

Have you met my brother?

He's gonna be a very successful lawyer.

No more drink.

Why don't you f***...

Let me help you up.

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