The Man Without a Face Page #2

S...sorry.

It just went off. It's a funny clock.

Funny "ha-ha", funny strange?

Not sure.

Says you taught at, erm, Barrett Academy.

Is that a good school?

What do you teach?

- What's your name?

- Erm, Chuck. Chuck Norstadt.

Well, Chuck Chuck Norstadt, where do you live?

Just the other side of the harbour.

Then you'd better drink this and go.

Oh, great. Thanks.

Come on, Mickey. Heel.

Mickey really doesn't seem the right name for your dog.

It's like naming Godzilla "Bambi".

You name him after Mickey Metal or Mickey Mouse?

How's your mother's front tyre?

Fine.

It's a bright night. You should be able to find your way home.

Yeah.

You found your way here, didn't you?

Mm-hm.

It's my bike.

Hey, you still do any teaching?

Reason I ask is...

This may sound crazy, but I could really use some help on an exam.

- Why does that sound crazy?

- I don't know,

I just never thought of you as a teacher.

Nobody does. Not that I know anything about you or anything.

It won't take long. It's just to get into this second-rate boarding school

Misunderstood, are we?

I'm just sick of living with three females, all brilliant, and being the family retard.

I see. Nothing at all to do with pre-pubescent angst, then?

It was the school my father went to.

He was in Korea, then he died in a jet crash.

Some kind of experimental spy plane.

- If it's a matter of money, I can pay you.

- No, I don't think you can.

Nice to have met you, Mr McLeod.

Bucket-head.

There's Great Grandfather MacNeil. He built the cottage.

Far out.

Oh, look at those Presbyterian eyes.

Ooh, terrifying!

I can't believe you're interested in all this ancient history.

I am, it's all research.

All for my book on the Robber Baringer mine shaft.

That is such an important topic.

It looks like Mark Hughes is writing the foreword.

Mark Hughes?

Charles? Come here, dear.

Hi, man.

I want you to meet Professor Hartley of Yale. This is my son, Charles.

Just call me Carl.

I don't need any of that imperialistic authoritarian crap.

Hi... Carl.

She hasn't caught a fish, she's vacuumed up a hairball!

Hi, Chuck.

Go put some dry clothes on.

Good night.

"Arms, I sing. I am the man...

"who first from the shores of Troy came."

"Fate exiled to Italy and her Lovinian strand..."

"..much buffeted he, on flood and field, by constraint of heaven...

"and Juno's unslumbering wrath."

Hi, Mickey. Aren't you the ugliest son of a b*tch?

If I had a dog like you, I'd put a bag over its head.

Yes, I would, you flea-infested sack of worms...

How you doin'?

Beautiful day, isn't it?

Um...

I'm here.

I know you're pressed for time and everything...

but I was wondering,

maybe you'd be interested in some Latin exercises...

just to look over 'em.

I realise you're busy, Mr McLeod...

but how much work is a couple of Latin passages?

Maybe a little geometry?

I'd like a hole.

I don't understand.

Three feet, cubed. Right here.

Stay.

Listen, I said I could pay you, didn't I?

Three feet cubed.

Hello!

Mr McLeod?

You can sit here.

Now, I'd like you to write an essay.

Any topic you'd like.

Why? It's not on the exam.

Why did you come here?

Quickly! Don't think, just answer.

For some help. You know.

No. Do you want help or not?

I guess so, if you're a teacher.

I guess so...sir.

I guess so, sir.

Good.

This is the way it works - adisca alt disceda. Learn or leave.

It's of no consequence to me one way or the other. Understood?

Yeah.

Except the bit about digging shithouse holes and writing bullshit.

I haven't got a lot of pity.

You can go now.

Pity yourself, freak! Stupid freak!

# Moon river...

Want one?

No, thanks.

According to my sources, he was a mad professor like Carl. "Dr McLeod"

Must be a Harvard man.

No doubt.

Martini?

Thank you.

It was a classic murder-suicide.

Butchered his wife, but botched the job on himself.

Ask Gus the barber.

That's not what Gus told me.

When you were getting your hair cut?

He said he didn't kill his wife, but his boyfriend.

Carl!

I wanna know what he thinks plastic surgery is for.

Unless he doesn't have the money.

Someone told me, and I do not believe this, that he was one of the Kennedys

The Kennedys? Well, he certainly resembles one.

No, I didn't mean that.

I can't believe you said that.

Becky, how many years has McLeod been here?

Six - no, seven.

Every summer we talk about him.

So?

One day I'll knock on his door and end all this.

Oh, Todd, where's the fun in that?

Hey, how's the scholar doin'?

Gonna make it to West Point yet, are we?

Don't remind me.

You know how I hate the idea

of him becoming one of those brush-cut fly boys.

Come on, Catherine, you like to fly.

I like to have the garbage picked up but I don't want him doing that!

This air force bit is something Chuck's just into for the moment.

Once he understands what the Pentagon is doing in Vietnam...

Are we having this argument again?

No, because I'm talking to Kitty. Besides, I'm too drunk.

I'm just glad he's way too young for the draft.

Y'know, there's nothing I'd rather do than drop napalm for a living.

I... Are you gonna let that...?

Television.

Mine's vodka. What's your excuse?

You gonna marry the hair... Er...

Carl? I don't know, Charles. Do you think I should?

Your mother's not much use to you these days, is she?

I'm sorry. I'm just not cut out for this mothering racket.

I never expected to have three children, let alone by three husbands.

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

You promise not to get mad?

Charles.

Why does Gloria hate me?

Oh, Charles, she doesn't...

Because you were born, baby.

But that wasn't my fault.

No, but she didn't know that. She was four years old.

All she knew was she had a rival for your father's affection.

She hated my father. She's always telling me what a jerk he was.

The way you do.

Oh, Charles, I never meant that.

I just didn't know how to...

Morning, all.

Hey, we didn't always feel that way about him.

About who? Who are we talking about?

Charles' father.

Oh, yes?

Whoa.

Is this what you wanted?

"Why the system must be changed now!"

Exclamation point. "By Charles E Norstadt."

I had no idea you pondered such weighty issues, Charles E.

I did what you asked. Are you gonna keep up your end?

All right.

I'd like a hole. Three feet across, three feet deep.

And how about a triangle? Two by two by three. Three feet deep.

Just near the paddock, left of the entrance.

If you need a hole, hire a contractor.

I don't need a hole.

I'm interested in your title.

I was wondering how you came to choose it.

Erm, it's about how... how people have to change things.

What kind of things? Sit down.

What kind of things?

The Government, you know.

What would you change about the Government?

Me? Erm, lots of things.

Such as?

Such as...

Such as how the word is spelt, for example.

What?

Judging by your essay, it seems you hope to change the spelling of "government", "democracy"...

and "Richard Miltown Nixon".

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