The Masked Saint

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1

- Would you like me to introduce

you to your son, considering

you haven't been home in a week?

I haven't seen you

since the end of the month,

where have you been?!

- I am getting so sick of this!

- I do tell people

that I'm a single mother,

you know why? 'Cause you're

never here! There is no point

to us anymore! There's...

Like, why are you even home?!

- Is this all you gonna do?

Is this all you gonna do?!

I don't wanna be here anymore,

we're done. We're through!

- Hey, Dad, I gotta...

- Not now, Chris, I gotta go.

Don't give your mother

any grief, you hear?

- Christopher! Come

do your chores!

- Fight! Fight!

- Fight! Fight!

- You want more, runt?

You can't take it,

you're so small!

- Ugh! Stop it, Mike!

Don't get up!

- Here we are in the WFW

wrestling main event

against the Gladiator of Good

and the Burly Beast.

There's an arm twist,

elbow knock,

and the Beast gets him

into a neck hold!

The Gladiator

reverses on the Beast,

sending him into the corner!

- Uh-oh! The Gladiator

does his drop toehold!

The Gladiator of Good can

basically go straight

to the winner's circle.

This is one of the most

devastating submission moves!

Legs can be broken this way!

Kids, don't try this at home!

- Well, if it isn't

the runt!

- Ugh! Leave me alone, Mike!

- Ha! Do you hear that?

The piglet speaks!

Woah!

OW! OW! OK!

I GIVE! I GIVE! Ow!

Let's get outta here.

- Hehe! Hey, Chris,

what's goin' on, man?

- Hey, Iceman!

Hey, how are you?

- I'm good!

- Good! Hey, who's the bright

ray of sunshine over there?

- Oh, that guy?

That's one of Nicky's

new guys. He goes by the name

"The Reaper"!

- That's impressive.

- Hey, at least

you're going out on top!

- Yeah! It's, uh... nice

Nicky let me keep it, though.

- Nicky? Nicky Stone

is a soulless conman

who's so backstabbing

and two-faced

that he has to...

- "...to wear his glasses

at the back of his head!"

You need new material, there,

partner! How you doin'?

Nice to see ya.

- Good to see you!

- Can I speak with you a second?

- Sure.

- Good. Not busy, are you?

- No.

- Come over here, listen, bud.

I got you with Jake

the Giant Killer. So,

if you could, like, go about

10 minutes, put him over,

that'd be great.

- Nicky... Nicky, I...

I don't wanna lose.

- Go do your job.

Christopher!

- Nicky.

- Nice to see you.

Listen, I really need you

to reconsider my offer.

I mean, go home and just think

about it. We need our knight

in shining armor...

- Told you, Nicky;

I'm done.

- God...

Hallelujah!

Praise be, you have

a higher calling, now!

I hope you have as much

fun behind the pulpit

as you had in the ring, Pastor.

'Cause I'm the guy

who put you in the ring.

And there's another thing.

Sometimes...

the bad guy's gotta win.

Like tonight.

- Nicky...!

- Nicky, nothing.

You are under contract, OK?

That means if you don't do

what the promoter says,

that's breach of contract.

Breach of contract;

I sue you. Look at me

when I'm talking

to you. That means

I sue you!

Why give all that money

to the lawyers? That's...

That's silly!

- Daddy!

- Care Bear, come here!

- Hey! She just

had to see you.

- Jen.

- It's Michelle.

- Of course it is,

yeah. And Casey!

- It's Carrie.

And the Saint is the best

wrestler ever!

- And on that note,

I think I'll go

see the next fight.

Excuse me, Jen.

You're gonna have

such a good time.

- AAH!!

- Yeah...

- Here we are at the WFW

Wrestling main event

of the evening!

The Saint has been

on a farewell tour ever since

announcing

his retirement, and tonight

is his very last match AND

what an opponent he has.

New to the canvas,

at 7 feet tall and 300 pounds,

the Reaper!

Woah! The Saint baseball slides

right into...! One, two...

Oh! That was close!

- This is awesome!

Reverse slam him!

And the Reaper

brandishes the Saint

with a low blow! That one

will definitely

slow him down. Oh!

That was just brutal!

The Reaper is not letting up!

He has no first match jitters.

Oh! Into the turnbuckle

goes the Saint!

He is strugglin'!

- Take it easy, bro!

We got 2 minutes left,

don't spend it all upfront!

- The only thing spent is you,

'cause I'm coming for that belt.

Reaper! Reaper!

- Reaper! Reaper!

- Hear, the crowd is starting

to cheer for the Reaper!

Oh, this is not how the Saint

wanted to go out!

- DADDY!!

- It's... it's OK, sweetie,

it's just... it's just acting,

remember? I told you.

It's just acting...

- Yeah!

- The Reaper certainly

has the Saint

against the ropes...

- Good night, Saint!

- and is dragging him

into the middle of the ring

for what could be

a signature move!

Oh yeah!

Oh, that dropped knee looked

like a world of hurt

for the Saint!

And here goes the suplex!

Oh! The Saint got

a couple of knees in!

And a reverse small package!

One, two...

Oh, but the Reaper breaks out!

Halfway, a drop kick!

It looks like the Saint

has found his second wind!

Oh, that was an amazing move,

ladies and gentlemen!

The first time the Reaper's

on the canvas today!

The Reaper just caught

the Saint in a flying cross!

- AH!

- The faith breaker!

- Dad just did

the faith breaker!

- Leave it to the Saint!

He just pulled off

another miracle!

Listen to that crowd, folks!

They love the man in white!

- What are you

doing, Christopher?

- They're chantin' his name now!

- Saint! Saint! Saint!

- Daddy, watch out!

- Oh, man! The Reaper throws

the Saint across the ring! Oh!

It looks like this match

isn't over.

The Reaper grabs

the Saint's left leg!

- What's happenin'? What's

happenin'? What's happenin'?

- Let him go! Let him go!

- No mercy!

- No-no-no-no-no!!

- Daddy!

- That's not right.

- Ah!

Ladies and gentlemen,

and the winner!

WFW champion:

The Reaper! The Reaper!

- Hey, hey, hey!

Is he OK? What's wrong?

What happened?

- Do we want

the lampshades or no?

- Honey, they're

attached to the wall!

- Not if you want it,

it won't be!

- Maybe leave them

for the new owners

so they can have

a little light too?

- Your loss, Mom.

- Aha!

The last bedroom box standing.

- I think most of

the stuff, we can donate.

Right, Piper?

Pipes agrees.

Go get Carrie!

- Your leg gonna

make the trip OK?

- Ah...

- Oh, Chris!

- Leg's come a long way.

- One good thing

came out of all of this.

It's that the Reaper

will never wrestle again.

Nicky saw to that.

- Nicky...

And now, you have got

a congregation to lead.

- You ready for

Westside Baptist?

- I'm ready for the church...

I don't know if

I'm ready for Michigan.

- You know, when I interviewed

with the search committee,

they accurately described it

as the wrong side of the tracks.

- Well, we will go

where the good Lord

sends us, even though Florida

would've been a bit warmer.

- Michelle, the, uh...

last pastor only

lasted 3 months.

One before him, 7. There were

threats made by local gangs...

- Local gangs and the church

isn't doing so well, I know.

The Lord never gives us

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