The Meddler

---

Anyway...

Today I went across the street

to the apple store,

and I got one of the new

iPhones with the 64-gigabytes,

'cause I wasn't sure if I

should get the 16s or the 64s,

but the 64s look good,

so there you go.

The genius bartender showed me

how to make things bigger,

but I already forgot.

God, my eyesight is so shot.

But I got on Google before,

and I looked up my apartment,

and it said they'd filmed the

hills there for two seasons.

Isn't that neat?

And they used to do the extra program at

the grove every day with Mario Lopez.

He seems nice.

And who wouldn't love

an outdoor mall?

I can't believe it,

me in Los Angeles.

If only daddy could see me now.

Today they played

"come fly with me,"

and I almost started crying,

thinking about him.

But I didn't 'cause,

basically, I feel great.

It's like living on main street

in Disneyland.

Every day is sunny,

and I wake up and I think,

"thank you, Joey,

for making it possible."

I swear, if I get hit by

that trolley, I'll die happy.

Just wait till you see

my apartment.

I have a balcony that's far enough

away from other people's balconies,

so nobody could jump down

from the roof or whatever.

And I have a parking spot

next to the elevator,

so I can just run

right in there.

And I got everything shipped

out from Jersey,

all my artwork,

the doll I had made of you,

and, of course, the pictures of

me and daddy in his red car.

God, we had the best times

in that thing.

Anyway, call me back. Love you.

Oh, god...

I brought you bagels.

You should have called.

I did.

But I didn't answer.

Oh, I figured you were working

or something.

Say hi to your grand-dogs.

Hi, doggies. How you doing?

Okay. Stay there.

All right, bye.

Six bagels, all salt.

Those are the best kind.

Oh, Lor, you let

daddy's bonsai die.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, ma.

I tried, but they're, like,

crazy delicate.

It was crazy.

Sorry, Joey.

See, this is why I asked you

not to put me in charge.

You can't just leave someone

with a bonsai and orchid

and put all this pressure

on them.

You let the orchid die, too?

I watered it every day.

Well, Lori, you're not supposed

to water it every day.

Well, I watered it the right

amount, okay?

Please, don't make me

feel any more bad about it.

Okay, forget it.

Oh, what's this?

It's Emily's baby shower.

Do you get to bring somebody?

Why? I probably won't go.

Why not?

Because I'll have to get

all dressed up,

and everyone I know

will be there.

I thought you gave up smoking.

Cigarettes.

You said this was better.

I said it was okay after your

father died when your stomach hurt.

Well, it's after my father died,

and my stomach hurts.

Well, have you heard from Jacob?

You shouldn't call him.

What's going on at work? Did

they call you about the pilot?

You shouldn't be smoking

if you have a deadline.

Mom, don't say "deadline."

Don't say "pilot,"

and please don't ever

say the word "Jacob" again.

Okay.

I just think you

shouldn't call him.

Especially if you have a deadline for

your pilot. Jacob... I mean, I just...

I think we should get you

a hobby.

I thought you were gonna

volunteer at the hospital.

Yeah, I've been meaning

to do that.

Or maybe you could be my hobby?

And then, you just touch

the screen like that.

Look how you magnified that.

That's gre...

Okay, say you wanna find

an address for a baby shower.

Well, then you just

open safari here,

and then you type it in.

Or Google it.

Yeah, you Google it,

and if you ever need it again,

it's right there in your

search history.

Oh, my god. Freddy,

you are a genius.

It's just a label.

My daughter's a genius,

but she's too old for you.

How old are you?

I'll be 23 in October.

Get out of here. October...

That makes you a Libra, right?

So scales, justice...

You're probably very diplomatic.

You should be a lawyer.

Maybe.

You should be.

You should.

Oh, my god.

No, no, no. I'm not even

a candidate for Lasik.

They said they had to slice my eyeball

open and put in a little... a lens.

Well, you should get

what I have. Transitions.

They go from regular glasses to

sunglasses when you walk outside.

And you can get them anywhere.

Lenscrafters.

Want me to make you

an appointment?

You should try Zillow.

They have a lot of places to

rent and... or just get advice.

I mean, that's how I found

my condo.

Zillow.

What you have to do is have him

tip you upside down.

That's what Joe and I did

to conceive Lori.

It'll be easy. She's so petite.

Yeah.

Oh...

It's another pink bunny!

I love it. What's next?

Ooh...

Is this a baby monitor?

It's from Mrs. Minervini.

What is it?

Oh, my god.

It's an iPad.

What? What?

Wow. Oh, my god.

Marnie.

This is crazy generous.

Well, I know it wasn't

on your list. No.

But, I was in the apple store

the other day,

and I saw this little Filipino

boy, practically a baby,

and he was playing

with one of these...

I mean, what do you...

iPad.

IPad, yes.

And then Freddy came over,

and he told me

that you can load in programs...

Like Nemo and Barney's circus...

Brilliant.

Yes.

Brilliant. Marnie, thank you.

This is so nice.

Lori has the best mum ever.

Apart from my mum.

Did you get that down?

I'm gonna write it down.

Write it down. Yeah.

Hey, where is Lori?

I think she's working.

She had a deadline.

I mean, a countdown.

Yeah, she said she'd watch

Tehya for me tonight.

Dani and I haven't been able

to get out in, like, a year.

Oh, I could do it.

I thought she was out of town.

She told me she was sick.

Well, she was sick.

She was.

I'd be sick too with everything

Jacob puts her through.

She's so pretty.

Why can't she just get over him?

Well, he was the last person

to meet her dad.

Oh, yeah, he really loved her dad.

That's tough to get over.

She's not gonna get over him if she

keeps giving him what he wants.

What does he want?

Oh, my god!

I'm dying.

What does he want?

It wasn't on the list either.

Marnie? Marnie?

This is Greg's dad.

He came out to help us

with the nursery.

Marnie.

Hi. Mark.

He's in town till Thursday, so...

Yeah.

She's a character, huh?

Well...

So you came out, um,

to see your son?

Yeah, Emily said it was

very important that I come,

but I think I'm just here

to carry gifts.

Hmm.

Yeah. Well, his mother's

not around anymore, so...

My husband died a year ago.

Oh, she's alive.

She lives in London.

But, you know, we're divorced.

Oh, sorry.

Eh...

Emily tells me you grew up

in Brooklyn?

Yeah.

Which... which part?

Sunset park.

I grew up on the corner of 48th and

7th Avenue, right by the church.

Get outta here.

Yeah.

I grew up at 43rd and 4th,

by the other church.

Yeah. We used to go

to the public pool there,

before it became a parking lot.

Get out of here,

I went there all the time!

I'll bet we moved

in similar circles.

Oh, absolutely.

That's crazy.

Yeah, yeah.

That's funny.

Hey, you know,

before I leave town,

we should go have lunch,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes