The Mexican

(Car horns)

(Crash)

(Radio) '..in downtown Los Angeles

right now. Here with the traffic...'

I've been waiting for 15 minutes.

- Thought you were stuck in traffic?

- You late?

- You got all the paperwork?

- Yeah.

Are you pissed off at me?

I'm just doing my part.

- I know, I know.

- You're my guy, Jerry, my guy.

'Margolese Holdings,

how may I direct your call? '

- Yes, I'll put you through.

- Hey, Estelle.

Is that Nayman's little nephew?

- Yeah, that's Big Tom.

- Big Tom! Sure, it is?

- How's it goin' there, Big Tom?

- Hey, hey. Look.

Shh. See? See?

Why are you scaring the kid?

- I-I was just...

- Did you get that passport?

Yes.

- I have issues.

- Issues, Jerry.

It burns my ass to write you

a check every week.

I can explain what happened.

You say that

when it's once in a while.

- It's every time, Jerry.

- It's every f***in' time.

And I can certainly

understand that perspective.

But I've been having

some personal problems...

uh, with my life.

My girlfriend, she's a great girl,

but she has complaints.

I don't but, she does.

If you want to know the truth,

I can't even believe this,

but we go to a group.

So...last week,

when you guys told me to pick up

the thing at the thing,

well, Samantha says she needs

the car to pick up some things.

And, I don't have to tell you boys,

I mean, things got heated, right?

And she hid them.

She hid them?

Oh! The keys. She hid them.

She... You know, and I couldn't

get to the thing on time,

and it all got messed up

and I think that maybe...

Maybe some things

aren't meant to happen.

Jerry, you're a f***ing moron.

Here are your options. Number one,

I roll you up in a carpet,

stuff you in a Sedan

and set fire to you.

- You with me? Choice one.

- Yeah.

Number two. You like sex and travel?

What, you like to have sex?

You like to travel?

Get on a flight to Mexico. All the

hookers you can shake your stick at.

Pick up a pistol

that belongs to Margolese.

- What's it gonna be?

- OK, I was under the impression

with Margolese getting out of jail,

that the last job was my last job.

- You f***ed up that job.

- You f***ed it up.

This job will be your last job.

OK, but a trip right now...

He asked for you. Want me to call him

and say you can't go?

Because I'll call. I'd love to.

You're goin' on a f***ing trip.

The town's called San Miguel.

You look for a kid in a bar,

the El Alamo.

This is a simple f***ing task.

Write it down. Roll up your sleeves.

- Get involved!

- Ow!

The kid's name is Beck. He's got this

particular gun. He's waiting on you.

- Beck.

- When you find him, bring him

and the gun back Stateside, got it?

Last chance, Jerry.

I'm telling you. The last.

Even he's getting tired of your sh*t.

I'll take care of it, Bernie.

Vaya con Dios, motherf***er.

You're in coach.

Baby, what are you doing?

You said this was your last job!

What do you want me to say?

"Sorry I can't,

"the old lady wants me to quit.

F*** off."

Yes! Something like that.

Like exactly!

I'm not in insurance, sweetie!

If you get on that plane, you will

never, never, ever see me again.

You got me?

We talked about this. I told you.

I wanted us to go

to Las Vegas for me.

- Not you, me.

- Baby, you're overreacting. OK?

Don't do that! Don't you do that!

Don't diminish my needs.

Sweetheart, I don't have a choice.

I gotta go.

- I go down there, I come right back.

- "I, I, I, I, I!"

I wonder what the group

would have to say about that.

No. You cannot use that against me!

We are not even married, but I go.

The group thinks we're married.

I accepted the potato slicer

for our anniversary.

Right, sweets? I go along.

That's it. That is it.

You... You... You go along!

You don't want to get married.

And this is the way you deal with it!

Huh? You're back to

the same old selfish,

self-involved, vile, disgusting...

- Oh, God. You are...

- ..self!

You're missing the grand design here!

If I don't go, I'm dead.

Yeah. And it's difficult

to have a relationship

if I'm stuffed with formaldehyde.

- Now, if anyone is being selfish...

- Oh! Now you blame-shift?

- You are blame shifting?

- Stop analyzing!

I'm calling a time-out!

Ah!

All right...

Jerry, I want you to acknowledge...

that my needs mean nothing to you

and you're selfish.

- Oh, my God!

- Jerry, acknowledge.

I... OK.

I will acknowledge that I promised

I would go to Vegas with you.

But now we're just slightly delayed.

If you want to construe my wanting

to stay alive as being selfish, OK.

I have every intention of going with

you. Your needs are important to me.

Come on. Look at all my stuff here,

all over the pavement.

Come on, baby. Huh?

What do you say?

OK?

I'm going with or without you, Jerry.

What's it gonna be?

- A bastard!

- A bastard.

What happened to, uh,

"sweetheart" and "big love"?

All those things

you called me last night?

The only thing I'm interested

in calling you is a cab!

(Singing in Spanish)

(Automated telephone

instructions in Spanish)

Excuse me, speak English?

Excuse me, you speak English?

- (Speaking Spanish)

- What?

All set, Mr. Welbach.

If you go to the front,

a shuttle will take you to your car.

- What kind of car is it?

- It's a Chrysler. Brand-new.

Yeah.

Is there a problem, Mr. Welbach?

You know, it's my first trip

to Mexico and...a Chrysler?

I mean,

I drive a Chrysler in America.

I thought you might have something

more authentic, a little more...

- Mexican?

- You know, get into the spirit?

- Your first time?

- Yeah.

Wow. Exciting.

(In Spanish)

Do you speak Spanish, Mr. Welbach?

Huh?

(In Spanish) I didn't think so. Just

what you learned on Speedy Gonzales?

Yeah, Speedy Gonzales.

Let's see what we can do for you.

Oh, I think I have just the thing.

How would you like...an El Camino?!

Ooh! I like that. Yeah.

(In Spanish) You're going to get

into a lot of trouble here, sir.

Raoul!

(In Spanish)

Who wants him, a two-dayer?

He looks like a lead foot

and a brake rider.

No. At the count of three.

Uno... Dos... Tres...

(Engine revving)

Yeah, man. El Camino!

# El Camino excellente,

El Camino excellente... #

(Woman speaking Spanish)

# El Camino...

# In my El Camino... #

(Truck horn blares)

(F*** me.)

F***er.

(Chatter and fireworks popping)

You are in the wrong place, America.

Yeah, I'm aware of that.

What you want here?

Uh...tequila.

I asked because no one like you...

comes to this place.

It's death, this town.

Only farmers...and bandidos.

And I don't see a hoe.

You a bandido, America?

Uh, no. Uh, actually

I'm looking for a Seor Beck.

Seor Beck?

Right.

OK?

(Football commentary on TV)

- You Beck?

- (Men jeer)

- I know who you are.

- Good. That makes things easier.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- (Beck speaking Spanish)

- We cool?

- You're all the same.

Prepared.

This ain't America. You want a drink?

- Yeah, all right.

- Sit down.

Somebody using this chair?

I guess you wanna see it, right?

- Yeah.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes