The Mikado

# If you want to know who we are #

# We are gentlemen of Japan #

# On many a vase and jar#

# On many a screen and fan #

# We figure in lively paint #

# Our attitude's queer and quaint #

# You're wrong if you think it ain't #

# Oh #

# If you think we are

worked by strings #

# Like a Japanese marionette #

# You don't understand these things #

# It is simply court etiquette #

# Perhaps you suppose this throng

can't keep it up all day long #

# If that's your idea, you're wrong #

# Oh #

# Oh #

# If that's your idea, you're wrong #

# If you want to know who we are #

# We are gentlemen of Japan #

# On vase and jar

On screens and fans #

# On many, many, many, many

many, many, many, many a jar #

# Oh #

# Oh #

# Oh #

# Oh #

# On vase and jar

On screen and fan ##

My son, you've had the misfortune

to captivate Katisha.

She's misconstrued my customary affability

into expressions of affection.

She claims you in marriage.

And I order you to marry her

within a week, or - or -

I forget the punishment.

Oh.

Perish ignominiously

on the scaffold.

But -

##

##

##

# The sun, whose rays are all ablaze #

# With ever-living glory #

# Does not deny his majesty #

# He scorns to tell a story #

# He don't exclaim

I blush for shame #

# So kindly be indulgent #

# But fierce and bold, in fiery gold #

# He glories all effulgent #

# I mean to rule the earth #

# As he the sky #

# We really know our worth #

# The sun and I #

# I mean to rule the earth

as he the sky #

# We really know our worth #

# The sun and I ##

# A wand'ring minstrel I #

# A thing of shreds and patches #

# Of ballads, songs and snatches #

# And dreamy lullaby #

# My catalog is long #

# Through every passion ranging #

# And to your humors changing #

# I tune my supple song #

# I tune my supple #

# Song #

# Are you in sentimental mood #

# I'll sigh with you #

# Oh #

# Sorrow #

# On maiden's coldness

do you brood #

# I'll do so too #

# Oh #

# Sorrow #

# Sorrow #

# I'll charm your willing ears #

# With songs of lovers' fears #

# While sympathetic tears #

# My cheeks bedew #

# Oh #

# Sorrow #

# Sorrow #

##

# But if patriotic sentiment is wanted #

# I've patriotic ballads cut and dried #

# For where'er our country's banner

may be planted #

# All other local banners are defied #

# Our warriors

in serried ranks assembled #

# Never quail or they conceal it

if they do #

# And I shouldn't be surprised

if nations trembled #

# Before the mighty troops

the troops of Titipu #

# We shouldn't be surprised if nations

trembled trembled with alarm #

# Before the mighty troops

the troops of Titipu #

##

# And if you call for

a song of the sea #

# We'll heave the capstan round #

# With a yeo heave ho

for the wind is free #

# Her anchor's atrip

and her helm's alee #

# Hurrah for the homeward bound #

# Yeo ho, heave ho #

# Hurrah for the homeward bound #

# To lay aloft in a howling breeze #

# May tickle a landsman's taste #

# But the happiest hour a sailor sees #

# Is when he's down

at an inland town #

# With his Nancy on his knees #

# Yeo ho #

# And his arm around her waist #

# Then man the capstan, off we go #

# As the fiddler swings us round #

# With a yeo heave ho

and a rum below #

# Hurrah for the homeward bound #

# With a yeo heave ho

and a rum below #

- # Yeo ho, heave ho #

- # Yeo ho, heave ho #

# Yeo ho, heave ho,

heave ho, heave ho #

# Yeo ho #

# A wand'ring minstrel I #

# A thing of shreds and patches #

# Of ballads, songs and snatches #

# And dreamy lullaby #

# And dreamy lullaby #

# Lullaby ##

Gentlemen.

I pray you tell me where a gentle maiden

dwelleth named Yum-Yum - the ward of Ko-Ko.

And what may be your business

with Yum-Yum?

A year ago, I saw Yum-Yum.

We loved each other at once...

but she was betrothed to her

guardian Ko-Ko, a cheap tailor...

and I saw that my suit was hopeless.

Judge of my delight when I heard

a month ago...

that Ko-Ko had been condemned

to death for flirting.

I hurried back at once, hoping

I should find Yum-Yum at liberty.

It is true that Ko-Ko was

condemned to death for flirting.

But he was reprieved

at the last moment...

and raised to the exalted rank

of Lord High Executioner...

under the following remarkable

circumstances:

# Our great Mikado, virtuous man

when he to rule our land began #

# Resolved to try

a plan whereby #

# Young men might best be steadied #

# So he decreed in words succinct #

# That all who flirted,

leered or winked #

# Unless connubially linked #

# Should forthwith be beheaded

Beheaded #

# Beheaded #

# Should forthwith be beheaded #

# And I expect you'll all agree

that he was right to so decree #

# And I am right

And you are right #

# And all is right as right can be #

# And you are right

And we are right #

# And all is right, is

right as right can be #

# And all is right as right can be #

# Right as right can be #

# And so we straight let out on bail

a convict from the county jail #

# Whose head was next

on some pretext #

# Condemned to be mown off #

# And made him headsman,

for we said #

# Who's next to be decapited #

# Cannot cut off another's head

until he's cut his own off #

# His own off

His own off #

# Until he's cut his own off #

# And we are right, I think you'll

say to argue in this kind of way #

# And I am right

And you are right #

# And all is right, too-loorallay #

# And you are right

And we are right #

# And all is right,

too-loora-loorallay #

# And I am right

And you are right #

# And all #

# Is right ##

Ko-Ko, the cheap tailor,

Lord High Executioner of Titipu.

Why, that's the highest rank

a citizen can attain.

It is.

That is Pooh-Bah.

Our logical Mikado, seeing no moral

difference between the dignified judge...

who condemns a criminal to die...

and the industrious mechanic

who carries out the sentence...

has rolled the two

offices into one...

and every judge is now

his own executioner.

But how good of you,

a nobleman of the highest rank...

to condescend to tell all this

to me, a mere strolling minstrel.

Don't mention it.

I am, in point of fact...

a particularly haughty

and exclusive person...

of preadamite ancestral descent.

You will understand this when I tell

you that I can trace my ancestry back...

to a protoplasmal primordial

atomic globule.

Consequently, my family pride

is something inconceivable.

I can't help it.

I was born sneering.

But I struggle hard

to overcome this defect.

I mortify my pride continually.

When all the great officers

of state resigned in a body...

because they were too proud

to serve under an ex-tailor...

did I not unhesitatingly accept

all their posts at once?

And the salaries attached to them?

- Oh.

- You did.

A Pooh-Bah paid for his services!

I a salaried minion!

But I do it.

It revolts me, but I do it.

And it does you credit.

But I don't stop at that.

I also retail state secrets

at a very low figure.

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