The Million Dollar Hotel

# I have a lover,

# A lover like no other.

# She got soul, soul, soul, sweet soul,

# And she teach me how to sing.

# Shows me colours

when there's none to see,

# Gives me hope when I can't believe

# That for the first time

# I feel love.

# I have a brother,

# Well, I'm a brother in need.

# I spend my whole time running,

# He spends his runnin' after me.

# I feel myself goin' down,

# I just call and he comes around,

# But for the first time

# I feel love.

# My father is a rich man,

# He wears a rich man's cloak,

# Gave me the keys to his kingdom comin',

# Gave me a cup of gold.

# He said, "I have many mansions

# "And there are many rooms to see."

# But I left by the back door

# And I threw away the key.

# And I threw away the key.

# Yeah, I threw away the key.

# Yeah, threw away the key.

# For the first time,

# For the first time,

# For the first time. #

Wow... After I jumped, it occurred to me:

life is perfect, life is the best.

It's full of magic and beauty...

opportunity and television.

And surprises. Lots of surprises, yeah.

And then there's that stuff

that everybody longs for...

but they only really feel when it's gone.

All that just kind of hit me. I guess you don't

really see it all that clearly when you're...

you know... alive.

I guess you could say my life only

really started about two weeks ago.

That's when I lost my best friend Izzy...

and found Eloise.

Eloise... she was something to live for.

And I guess that means

something to die for.

Some people said that she was just

a dumb slut, but I knew she wasn't dumb.

Whatever Eloise was or wasn't

didn't matter to me.

She was the love of my life,

even though I hadn't actually met her...

...yet.

OK, Dan, wait, wait, wait... and surprise!

OK, this is one of the nicest spots

at the Million Dollar Hotel. We call it "The Lobby".

People come from all over the building

and sit and talk about the good old days...

...when they still had insurance.

And, of course, to enjoy the television.

- It's 10 a.m. Switch it.

- Yeah, Tom Tom, switch it.

I should tell you, at the time

I was a bit slow in the head...

...and that's why I did all

the dumb stuff for everybody.

Izzy called me "The Beggar's Butler"...

...and I liked the sound of that.

Dumb stuff is what I was doing

the day he arrived...

...all the way from Washington.

I had never seen anybody

from Washington before.

Wow!

I remember seeing his shoes first...

...and then his suit...

...which was like an evening gown

or something, only for a man.

You could see right away he was special,

even before he told you.

My name is Special Agent Detective J.D. Skinner

of the FBI.

Now, if any of you have any questions...

Don't touch me.

- You'll do. Take me to his room.

- Who... whom... who?

What are you, an owl?

The dead man, Israel Goldkiss.

Izzy.

- Is he what?

- Izzy... was he... ?

Izzy. Right.

- Geronimo.

- Whatever.

Yeah, let's go to Geronimo.

- Geronimo, hi ho, let's go.

- Hi ho!

What is he, an idiot?

I remember he picked up on that real fast.

Skinner, man, I don't think you're gonna solve

sh*t around here. This place is a freak show.

Excuse me, coming through!

Watch it, man!

I smell press.

Why don't you keep them at bay?

Sorry, sir, but my job was to chaperone you

and to make sure you observe LAPD protocol.

So, why don't you stay here and observe

protocol? You got a freight elevator here?

Tom Tom, why don't you take him up?

You know, a man's home is a man's castle.

- You know, a man's home...

- I heard you!

It's certainly a man's castle.

Why did you say I was an idiot?

Wild guess.

Good guess.

We went too high. It's going down.

- Skinner.

- Hi, baby. Straight to the hotel?

Yeah, I'm there now... No, fine.

- You read the file?

- Strange one... I'll get it narrowed.

- A few days, maybe.

- We're gonna lose our reservation.

- Why don't you fly ahead, warm it up.

- I miss your lips.

- I miss yours, too, baby.

- Hurry up, or you'll miss all of me.

- Is someone there?

- No, just an echo.

- You better be careful.

- Maya, Code Blue. Bye, baby.

It's room 440, just down the hall.

It was exciting to become

a Special Agent's apprentice.

I figured I could learn a lot from him.

Certainly more than he would learn from me.

Detective Skinner, FBI.

This is my room.

What is happening here?

This is Izzy's room,

and you're not Izzy.

Izzy went aerial, man. Wait!

- Is this some story about Izzy?

- We call this real life.

So what's with

the fancy Frankenstein brace?

Who is this guy?

- Yo, Tom Tom.

- Yo, Geronimo?

- Hi ho, hi ho...

- And it's off to work we go.

Now stand still and pay attention.

"Fancy Frankenstein"

sounds good to me.

I guess special agents

don't like to be called names.

They sure know how to get 'em, though.

John Dixie, Jessica Orville,

Eloise Ashe.

If they're here, I need to see them.

If they're not, I need to find them.

Oh, that's tricky. See, our guests

don't have regular schedules...

...and since we've had this problem

with the plumbing...

Well, there's been a lot

of running around.

I'm in a little bit of a rush, but I could take

the time to hit you with 10 or 12 violations

that would ensure you'd be out in the street,

laying a pipe in your hat

and using puddles for plumbing.

You follow?

OK, yeah. Why don't you try Dixie?

He never really leaves his room. 406.

He likes to be called "The Walrus". Could help.

Geronimo said that Skinner scared him and

that he might be crazier than all of us together.

We'd better warn everybody

he was coming to find Izzy's killer.

Someone's movin' the door. I was...

I just wondered if Skinner

could really be crazier than Dixie.

Dixie was in a music band

called The Beatles.

Only they didn't know.

Special Agent Skinner.

I'm a detective.

You got some Oragel?

This f***ing cavity's going into my brain.

Morphine, Motrin, Tylenol, anything?

Come on, you call yourself a dentist?

Detective. Teeth, gums, gingivitis

are out of my line.

Where the hell have you been? I've been calling

you pretty little policemen for months now.

- We're here.

- It's about time. Somebody's trying to kill me.

If they succeed,

I'll come and see you again.

# I've heard it before...

# Someone came through the door... #

Oh, hello! Jump in.

Don't forget your shot again.

What is it with her?

She's a little f***ed up, poor dear.

But her mother was really f***ed up.

What the hell, we're all f***ed up.

They never really got the hang of it.

Jessica, there's a cop coming.

Oh, God! I knew it! They're putting her

into my custody, after three years in hospital.

- How am I gonna handle it?

- No, it's not about that.

- He's trying to find out who killed Izzy.

- I thought he jumped.

Well, maybe he didn't.

I keep it inside the big brown bag,

inside the loo.

I've been calling your name.

I called Liverpool, Interpol, even Paul.

Since I wasn't officially in the band,

you know how it goes, it ain't easy.

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