The More the Merrier

Our vagabond camera takes us to

beautiful Washington DC...

...the national capital of our United States.

Situated on the broad banks

of the Potomac River...

...living is pleasant, and leisurely.

For it is a city of formality and custom.

Manners and courtesy...

...are responsible for the well-ordered conduct

of its daily affairs.

The many fine restaurants

of Washington

are the delight of the epicurean

and the gourmet...

...where one may enjoy to the full,

the rare dishes of the Old South.

Washington's beautiful homes

have the quiet dignity of another day.

Our trip would be incomplete...

...if we neglected to visit the quiet,

staid and dignified residential section.

It is with pride that we view

hospitable Washington.

Friendly Washington...

...welcoming us to her doorstep...

...eagerly throwing wide her doors.

I'm sorry, there are no vacancies.

Positively NO vacancies!

I have a reservation.

Well, pardon me...

What was the name sir?

Benjamin Dingle...

Senator Newman made the reservation.

Well, just a moment, Mr Dingle.

Oh yes, we have the reservation.

Senator Newman engaged a suite,

beginning the 24th.

This is only the 22nd.

You're 2 days early.

Anything wrong with being 2 days early?

Why, no sir.

Everybody ought to be 2 days early.

When this nation gets 2 days early,

we'll be getting somewhere.

Yes, sir,

But unfortunately this suite won't be vacated

until day after tomorrow.

Can you connect me

with Senator Newman?

The senator's out of town.

When will he be back?

Well, he was due back

day before yesterday.

But he's...

2 days late.

Yes, sir.

Well, when Senator Newman gets back late...

tell him I was here early.

Yes, sir.

Are all you people here in answer to

the ad in the paper about the apartment?

- I am sir!

- I'll take it!

I'm sorry, but the apartment is all rented.

What do you mean, rented?

It isn't 5 o'clock yet!

I'm very sorry, but the apartment

is all rented.

If there should be another vacancy,

there'll be another ad.

May I ask why you put us

to the bother of coming here?

No, you may not.

Good day.

Like Admiral Farragut said...

"Damn the torpedoes,

full speed ahead."

- How do you do.

- How do you do.

- I'm Benjamin Dingle.

- You certainly are!

About the apartment.

I'm sorry, I've already rented it.

Just a moment, young lady...

Do you think you know me

well enough to lie to me?

Yes.

Even so, you shouldn't do it.

Do you realise that practically

most of the trouble in the world...

...comes from people lying to people.

Let's take Hitler, for instance...

I'm sorry, mister,

but I prefer...

Mr Dingle.

I prefer sharing my apartment

with a lady.

That's fine...

So would I.

I'm sure you'll be happier

some place else.

I've been there.

Now look, please,

think of my position...

I can't just go round just

renting my apartment to anybody.

I'm not just anybody.

Besides I'm only doing it because of

the housing congestion in Washington.

You said it!

I think it's my patriotic duty

to take somebody in, because...

...everything is so overcrowded.

I'm overcrowded.

Why don't you go to the YMCA?

Too old.

Or The Veteran's Home.

Too young.

Well, I don't know what to...

I'm sure you'll know then,

when I rent half this apartment.

Suppose I have a look at it, eh?

Say...you're pretty sure of yourself,

aren't you?

Once upon a time...

I mean, you wouldn't be happy here,

at all.

Home is where you hang your hat.

This way?

- Now, listen!...

- Just looking.

Just looking.

It's no use your looking,

because I've made up my mind...

...to rent to nobody but a woman.

So let me ask you something...

Would I ever want to

wear your stockings?

No.

Alright. Would I ever want

to borrow your girdle?

Or your red and yellow dancing slippers?

Of course not.

Any woman, no matter who...

...would insist upon borrowing that dress

you've got on right now.

You know why?

Because it's so pretty.

I made it myself.

Then how would you like it if she

spilled a cocktail all over it...

...at a party you couldn't go with her to,

because she'd borrowed it to go to it.

Eh?!

She might have something

that I could wear.

Not her!

Why not?

Because she's so dumpy-looking!

Never has anything clean.

That's why she's always

borrowing your dresses.

How do I know

you'd be any better?

Well, look at me!

I'm neat, like a pin.

Aw...let me stay!

Well...

I'll tell you what...

We'll try it out for a week...

End of the week comes...

if you're unhappy...

...we'll flip a coin

to see who moves out.

- Who is it?

- Me, of course.

Your copy of the...

Here's a copy

of the morning schedule.

The morning schedule.

Oh, the morning schedule!

Yes, it's a matter of efficiency.

You just follow this and we won't

have any trouble.

Here, I'll show you.

See, this is a floor-plan

of the apartment...

Here's my room...

Here's your room...

Here's the bathroom,

and here's the kitchen.

Now, my alarm goes off at 7 o'clock...

...and we'll both get up.

And at 7.01,

I enter the bathroom.

Then YOU go down

to get the milk...

And by 7.05,

you've started the coffee.

One minute later,

I leave the bathroom...

And a minute after that,

you enter the bathroom.

Now that's when I'm starting to dress.

3 minutes later,

I'm having my coffee...

...and a minute after that, at 7.12...

...you leave the bathroom.

At 7.13, I put on my eggs,

and I finish dressing.

Then you put on your shoes,

and take off my eggs at 7.16.

At 7.17, you start to shave.

At 7.18, I eat my eggs...

..and at 7.21, I'm in the bathroom

fixing my hair...

At 7.24, you're in the kitchen

putting on your eggs...

At 7.25, you make your bed...

7.26, I make MY bed...

Then, while you're eating your eggs,

I take out the papers and cans...

At 7.29, you're washing the dishes,

and at 7.30, we're all finished.

You see.

It's really very simple.

Do we do all this Railroad Time,

or Eastern War Time?

When you hear my alarm go off,

you'll know it's 7 o'clock.

You're a very systematic girl,

aren't you?

I used to work in the

Office of Facts and Figures.

- OH!

- Goodnight.

Miss Milligan!

By the way...

Why aren't you married,

Miss Milligan?

Well, really!

Some high-type, clean-cut...

nice young fellow.

If you don't mind, Mr Dingle.

Of course, there's not many men about,

nowadays...

But there's always one

if you're out to get one.

Maybe I don't want to get married!

Well, don't you?!

Or maybe you do.

Well...

Come, come, Miss Milligan...

- Make up your mind!

- Make up my mind?!

You know..."Damn the torpedoes...

Full steam ahead!"

That's what Admiral Farragut said.

Of all times, Miss Milligan, this is

no time to be indecisive.

If you expect to get along here,

Mr Dingle...

You have to learn

to mind your own business.

In these days, Miss Milligan, everybody's business

is everybody's business.

War brings people closer together,

you know,

Not you and me, Mr Dingle...

Good night!

Mind your own business!

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