The Motel Life Page #4

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Aunt Shea thinks he's a

gold mine. A pile of gold.

She was so mean to him, eventually

he ran away, went to San Francisco.

That's horrible.

Wanna come out of the

blanket? Come on buddy.

He gets beat up at every single game

he plays. Every single game.

Ended up being some kind of

computer genius. A millionaire.

Who's got my f***ing key?

Tell me about that one

about the pirates.

Nice and warm?

After Mom died...

we left Reno and set

sail for Hawaii.

But on the way we got shanghaied

by a bunch of crazed pirates.

The captain was a cross-dressing

homicidal maniac.

Lethal with guns,

knives, and nunchakus.

And the crew... they were

just a bunch of lunatics

that the captain kept

addicted to morphine.

We spent months trapped on

that ship. Working like slaves.

Then, one night, Captain comes out

of his quarters in a yellow bikini.

He does this amazing swan dive.

Like in the olympics.

The crew all followed him in.

You and me saw a school of

sharks around the boat.

It was a real bloodbath.

The sea was rough.

But you took control.

You were a natural.

We washed ashore on this island.

We were nursed back to health

by this guy. Old Man Jenkins.

He taught us how to shoot guns.

And man, he looked just

like Willie Nelson.

And the girls there,

they were beautiful.

Turns out they thought

we were kings.

So we decided to stay a while.

Man, it's a mess.

Can we go?

I just wanna get to

where we're going.

Okay.

I missed my Marge.

I like the indian chopping the

cowboy's head off with the tomahawk.

Yeah, that's a good one.

I'm gonna go get something

to eat. What do you want?

I ain't hungry. Sort

of thirsty, though.

Get me some water?

Maybe some popsicles?

Yeah.

The three amigos.

Be back soon.

Oh, thanks

- That's the girl.

- Oh yeah?

The real bad-ass.

- How was it?

- It was good.

Who the f*** is that?

Hello?

Annie.

- Hi Frank.

- Hello.

I work at a bakery.

It's a good job.

I live in an apartment

not far from here.

Smaller than any motel I've ever

stayed in, but it's pretty nice.

I painted it.

It has a full kitchen.

What color did you paint it?

Um...

The bathroom I painted white.

It was dark green.

And the front room...

I painted a sorta cream color.

Look's good.

So, you guys on vacation?

No. No, it's, uh...

nothing like that.

- You two ready to order?

- I'm too nervous to eat.

I'll have a piece of

apple pie and coffee.

You got it.

I still think about you.

All the time, I do.

I think about you too.

I'm really glad you're here.

Alright?

I don't know how long I

can stand here, Frank.

Okay.

My hair smells pretty

f***ing bad though.

Shampoo.

- Alright? Yeah.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- I'm f***ing naked in front of you.

- That's okay. That's okay.

You got a pretty big

dick, Jerry Lee.

Thank you.

Holy sh*t! Luck of the Flannigan's.

I think you got all that luck.

Alright out your head under.

Think I can rinse the back?

- Okay. We'll get the back.

- Alright. Okay.

Way back, a long time ago...

our dad got a job a a

salesman at Used Car Magic.

Aunt Bernie got him the job. She was

the aunt that used to give him...

Penthouse, and Hustler, and

Playboy for slashing tires.

Anyway... The lot was

owned by a guy named Ike,

who was like old Earl Hurley,

but was a Jesus Freak.

He drank and smoked and cheated on

his wife, but he also loved God.

One day, this bombshell Iris

walked onto the lot with Biff,

a great dane Russian wolf hound

cross. She was looking for a Mustang.

Dad went to get the keys

to the '64 convertible.

He says to Ike, "the woman of

my dreams just walked in."

Ike said, "remember:

let the words trickle down your

tongue, like the fruits of Jesus."

"You're cute." she said, and

moved her legs slightly apart.

"Hell yeah" Dad thought.

"Iris, I'm gonna blow your mind."

They pull dover on a dirt road, and

Iris stood on the hood shooting lizards

with her stainless steel Winchester

.357, while Dad ate fried chicken.

They did it on the hood, while Iris

shot the gun off over his head.

Dad said it was the best

experience of his life.

Next thing he knows, they're stopped off

at Iris' house so she could shower.

Suddenly, the police broke in

and screamed, "Drug raid!"

They found a pound of weed, an M-16,

and a crate of Russian grenades.

Irish shouted, "Let him go! He's

just a man I found yesterday,

a man who would have changed my life, and

led me down the path to righteousness!"

After only a week in jail, Iris was

stabbed five times in the neck,

while getting a

prison-issued haircut.

Dad was sad as hell, 'cause

he really loved Iris.

It was a hard time, until one

day, about a year later,

our mother walked

onto the dusty lot.

Ike took Dad aside.

"Jimmy," he said,

"I think this might be

the next gal for you."

Then he gave him a hundred buck bonus,

and the rest of the day off. The end.

That's a hell of a story, Frank.

That damn woman, she

was something, huh?

I liked the part about f***ing

and shooting the gun off.

It's too bad Iris had to die.

But then he wouldn't have met

Mom, and... we wouldn't be here.

I didn't want her to, but...

she just did.

You know...

a lot of the stories you tell,

the cool girl dies at the end.

I mean, that one about the

parachute didn't open for her.

Then the girl got

caught on the rocks.

She ran outta air in her SCUBA

tank before we could get to her.

And then there were

those sand people,

or whatever they were...

they tortured her to death.

Yeah.

It's good that we're here.

I'm gonna sleep to that story.

Let's not talk anymore.

I don't wanna lose it.

This is where I work.

Seems like a nice place.

Are you gonna stay

here for a while?

- Annie James, holy sh*t!

- Hi Jerry Lee.

I knew there was a reason

we came to Elko. I just...

- I couldn't figure it out.

- It's good to see you.

I told her everything.

Yeah?

I guess it doesn't really matter.

I just wish it was me instead

of that kid, Annie. I do.

No, don't say that. What

would Frank do without you?

Anyway, you guys, you should

go have some fun, huh?

You gotta walk her

home anyway, Frank.

No, he's gotta stay

and keep you company.

No, we're good, right?

We're pretty good here.

Annie James.

We gotta clean that.

Aah!

Alright.

F***!

F***.

- Thanks.

- Yep. Over here.

Hey boy. Hey.

Hi.

This is it.

Why are you here, Frank?

To see you.

- And to know that you're okay.

- I am.

Yeah.

So what now?

I don't know.

I know that I hurt you.

Yeah.

I know, yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I don't care.

I hated doing that. What

you saw, I really did.

She made me do it.

She went on and on about all

the things she's done for me.

And how that guy you saw

was gonna kill her.

And he really did say he

was gonna kill her.

You should go. I'll walk you out.

I can't lose you, Frank. Really I can't.

I can't go back there. No, please!

Frank, please!

Frank!

Frank.

- Hey Frank, wake up.

- What time is it?

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