The Musketeer Page #2

pressing book work.

Is he always like that?

No. He's never

apologized before.

Why do you stay?

He is all the family I have.

I have nowhere else to go.

Do you wish

to see the room or not?

The room.

Yes. Yes, of course.

Ohh!

'Are you all right, Monsieur?

That stair moved

at the last moment.

Stairs can do that.

Do you have a name?

A name?

Yes, of course.

Uh, D'Artagnan.

Are you certain?

Not if you don't like it.

It wasn't always like this.

Once we were filled

with would-be Musketeers.

What happened?

They kept getting killed.

This is the best room.

This is the best room?

Well, actually,

it's the only room.

You're beautiful.

I'm sorry. It just came out.

I've embarrassed you.

No.

Does every man tell you

you're beautiful?

Yes.

Will there be anything else?

- Did the ceiling move?

- I need a place

for my horses and coach.

Around the back.

I'm sure you'll be able to find it

if you don't kill yourself.

Nothing like this.

They're far fussier than I am.

Hallways are here,

and cells are down here.

Do you know the jail so well

from the time you spent there?

This is not the first time

a Musketeer needed rescuing.

Something amuses you?

This coach, for one.

And those pathetic horses,

for another.

Not to mention your clothes.

You see,

everyone is rude here.

Paris is the rudeness

capital of the world.

- Move this trash.

- Not until you apologize

to my horses.

Apologize to your horses?

They're very sensitive.

You've hurt their feelings.

Be thankful that's all

we do. Now move.

You really don't

seem to understand.

I can't leave

until you apologize

to my horses.

Do you know who we are?

No. Do you know

who I am? Good.

No.

In their hearts,

I believe they wanted

to apologize.

For a moment, I thought

you planned to talk them

into unconsciousness.

Ow!

Ohh!

- You!

- Me?

A Cardinal's Guard.

I said he was spying--

If I were

a Cardinal's Guard,

you'd be dead.

And so would you.

Perhaps.

For certain.

Standing like this,

we're likely to attract

some attention.

What do you suggest?

That you trust me.

A stranger?

Dressed as a Cardinal's Guard?

You're not in

the spirit of this, are you?

What are you doing here?

Freeing Treville.

How? Trade a barrel of wine for him?

You'll be outnumbered

15 to 1.

Or 15 to 3.

We're drunks, not fools.

Why risk your life?

You're not one of us.

From what I've seen,

I'm more a Musketeer

than either of you.

- Yes?

- Wine from the Cardinal.

The Cardinal?

Yes.

Leave it.

- Who was it?

- Someone delivering wine...

from the Cardinal.

A gift from the Cardinal?

Don't open it!

Well, we wanted to see

how good you are.

And?

You're quite good.

You're gonna need

to be better.

Revile?

Here! Over here!

The keys.

Which key?

Guess.

It is in your interest

to provide a hint.

If I guess wrong,

Monsieur Treville

will slice your throat.

I couldn't bear the guilt.

The black one.

Wise choice.

- Whoa!

- Planchet. My old friend.

- You are too old for this.

- No, we are too old for this.

If you are with Planchet,

- then you must be--

- D'Artagnan, sir.

'At your service.

D'Artagnan.

Aw, home sweet home.

Forced into hiding.

Is this any better

than prison?

Well, the food will be.

D'Artagnan,

I'm afraid you have joined us

at not a very propitious time.

It was my timing.

Well, then, old friend,

you have brought him to us

when we're not at our best.

No, I brought him

when he was most needed.

Oh, yes. I can see how

D'Artagnan's arrival signals

an end to all our problems.

Well, we can at least drink

to this evening's work.

And if they come

to take you again?

Then I shall go

and see the King in person...

and not rot

in the Cardinal's jail.

To a job well done.

We have our own toast.

D'Artagnan, draw your sword.

All for one,

and one for all.

Porthos, who is this

pretty young thing?

He's a bit tender

for you, Josephine.

Oh, they can

never start too early.

Is that not right, Aramis?

Perhaps later.

You both know her?

Yes. Well, she knows many

of the men in this room.

No.

Many of the men in Paris.

You fight amongst yourselves?

Oh, a man has to fight

with someone.

Silence!

Quiet!

Silence, please!

Please, quiet!

Thank you.

I have an introduction

to make.

Men, please!

It's the introduction

of Monsieur D'Artagnan!

His father served

as a Musketeer,

and D'Artagnan

wishes to join us.

But can he hold his liquor?

Doesn't he know we don't exist?

We're going to work

for the Cardinal.

You see how well

they take the suspension?

Everybody's a bit preoccupied

with, uh, not being occupied.

Normally, we'd be preparing

to guard the Englishman.

The Englishman?

Buckingham.

He arrives tomorrow evening.

He'll be royally greeted,

eat, drink...

and then,

along with Richelieu

and our King,

determine if theres to be

war or peace with England.

Unless something should happen

at the banquet to cause trouble

and Buckingham is harmed.

Regardless,

we as Musketeers have no choice

but to sit and watch.

Lord Buckingham's safety

is with the Cardinal.

You'll need to hit the eyes

to better that.

Who can do it?

How about

the would-be Musketeer?

Go and win

our meals and wine.

I'm not very good with a knife.

Humility is so boring.

We've all seen you fight.

I'm not fighting now.

Come on.

Take it.

Next time, listen to him.

You're no Musketeer.

You're a sheepherder.

Go drink with the sheepherders.

Pay no attention to Athos.

He envies your youth.

Have you got dung

in your ears? Go!

Yes. He's just trying

to make you overconfident.

He's much better with a sword.

Please understand,

if I'm not fighting--

Ah. Better with a sword.

Yes. We can all see

how much better with a sword.

Too petrified to move.

I do not wish

to fight a Musketeer.

Oh, I'm certain you don't.

I would not fight

a drunken Musketeer...

so I'm unfit

to drink with?

Athos was...

testing you.

Testing me?

Yes. Judging you.

Measuring you.

That is not a happy walk,

DArtagnan.

The Musketeers are suspended

and they are drunk.

The Cardinal has arranged it...

so that no one

will be protecting the King,

and the Queen and Buckingham...

at the banquet tomorrow night.

Something is going to happen.

I know it. I have to find

a way into the palace.

The King must be protected.

I can't do it alone.

'Ask the Musketeers.

They don't seem

very cooperative.

They are loyal.

'Ask them.

- This is not what you think.

- You have no idea what I think.

I- I-I wish to explain.

You behave as though

you've never seen

a naked woman.

Never one quite so... naked.

Or so, uh, beautiful.

- You've seen many

ugly naked women?

- That's not what I meant.

- 'Are you standing up?

- You can turn around now.

It's perfectly safe.

My back. Are there,

uh, any on my back?

A few.

You're not very brave.

Brave enough when need be.

And you feel no need to be

when insects are involved?

I was up there chasing away a rat.

A sewer rat.

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