The Nanny Diaries

Name... Annie Braddock.

Age... 21.

Area of interest...

anthropology.

Describe your

work experience

as it relates

to your intended field.

My God.

Where do I begin?

Attention. The Museum of Natural History

will be closing in

15 minutes.

Please exit the hall

by using

the western staircase.

Child-rearing around the world

boasts a wide variety of

customs and mores.

But perhaps the most bizarre

social patterns

can be found within the small island

community of Manhattan.

A**hole!

The inhabitants of the region

known as the Upper East Side

have the most prosperous,

yet idiosyncratic

social systems

on the planet.

After successfully mating

and producing offspring,

the men are often distant

and uninvolved,

leaving their women

to hunt, gather

and provide for

their families.

Yet the resourceful mothers

of the Upper East Side

have plenty of time

to participate

in a variety of sex-role-

specific activities.

These include

body mutilation,

sacred meditation...

...even fasting rituals.

Which brings us to our focus

on child-rearing:

Who actually does it?

Well, in Africa,

they have a saying...

"It takes a village

to raise a child."

But for the tribe of

the Upper East Side,

it takes just

one person...

the nanny.

Okay, so what's

depicted here

is not a typical

tribal ritual,

but rather the unraveling

of one such nanny.

Actually, this nanny is me.

And why I'm telling off

a teddy bear is the subject

of this field diary.

If by chance my report stereotypes

or geographically profiles,

forgive me.

I'm not exactly

an objective observer.

Master in economics,

minor in communications.

- Yeah!

- Elaine Bassen,

honors in urban planning,

minor in sociology.

Annie Braddock,

high honors in business,

minor in anthropology.

So here I am a few months before

the teddy bear incident...

Whoo-whoo!

...a native New Jersey girl

participating in a dreaded

rite-of-passage ceremony.

- Doh!

Oh my God!

Spazz!

And here's the woman who reared me

pretty much all

by herself.

She's a nurse.

Note the shoes.

What is it?

You'll see.

Oh, wow.

- Thank you.

- I know it's not much,

but I wanted to buy you

your first business suit.

- Thanks. Thank you.

- You can look back on this

- when you're a famous CFO.

- Oh, Mom.

Gosh, come on. It's one meeting

at Goldman Sachs.

It's highly competitive.

I'm probably never gonna get the job.

All right, stop

with the negativity.

Your father was always negative

and look where it got him.

- Double-wide trailer in Scranton.

...in Scranton.

Honey, I'm not kidding.

I would give the world to be sitting

where you're sitting right now.

You are so much

smarter than I was.

No man is gonna

squash your dreams.

No one's gonna tell you

how to live your life.

Maybe I'm... maybe I'm not

CFO material, you know?

No, what if I'm better

suited at something...

- something else?

- Like what?

Anthropology? Honey how are you

gonna make a living at that?

Look, if you really want to

run around in grass skirts,

then make enough money to

spend Christmas at Club Med.

Annie, it's 7:
15.

Get moving or

you're gonna be late.

New Jersey PATH train to Manhattan

arriving on track two.

Oh.

New Jersey PATH train

to Manhattan

arriving on track two.

Oh, goodness.

I have to admire

this corporate drag. Wow.

Well, at least I'm not wearing last

night's outfit at 8:00 a.m., party girl.

Let's just say that you

missed a fabulous throw-down

and Tom Waylan was there.

- So?

- He asked about you.

Twice.

All right, well,

I gotta go.

- Real life awaits.

- God.

You know, I bet none of

those cultures you study

practice such

rigorous celibacy.

- You ever hear of the Shakers?

- Yes, and they're extinct.

Excuse me, sir? Sir.

- Yeah?

- I got off at the wrong stop.

Can you tell me where

Chambers Street is, please?

You see the building

with the red umbrella?

- Yes.

- It's about five blocks below that.

Oh sh*t.

Our financial analyst training program

is so competitive.

We have over 8,000 applicants

for 10 positions.

So, why don't you

tell me,

in your own words,

who exactly is Annie Braddock?

Wow, that's...

that's certainly

an easy enough question.

Mm-hm.

Annie Braddock is

a kind...

well...

I am...

Go on.

Well, you see...

Mm-hm.

I have absolutely

no idea.

Excuse me.

Who is Annie Braddock?

It wasn't exactly

a trick question.

Yet somehow I couldn't

formulate a response.

Of course I knew

all the basic facts...

the date of birth, home town,

socioeconomic makeup.

But I didn't really know

who I was, where I fit in,

who I was gonna be.

I was suddenly terrified

I'd never find the answer.

I need five rolls of fabric

overnighted from London.

I don't care

how much it costs.

Ooh

You're a native

New Yorker...

How about her?

This woman... could she

be Annie Braddock?

You should know by now

You're a native

New Yorker...

Hmm.

Or perhaps this

is Annie Braddock?

You grew up

riding the subways

Running with people

Up in Harlem,

down on Broadway

There you are

lost in the shadows

Searching for someone

You're the heart and soul

of New York City...

On that spring afternoon,

it seemed my future

was finally set.

A Central Park bag lady

I would be.

At least I'd finally get

to live in Manhattan.

But before I officially

surrendered to fate,

something... or rather,

someone...

intervened.

Mmm.

- Whoa!

- Ahh ahh!

Hello there.

Hi.

Are you okay?

Get off of me,

you pervert.

Do you belong to anyone,

little man?

Grayer!

- I belong to you.

Grayer!

Oh God.

Thank you so much.

You just averted

a minor disaster.

The woman featured here...

the one wearing

the Dior snakeskin jacket

and Louis Vuitton

shoes...

is unfortunately not

Annie Braddock.

New York City girl...

She is, in fact, a perfect

female specimen

from the

Upper East Side clan.

For the purpose of

this case study,

we'll just call her

Mrs. X.

Hi, I'm Mrs. X.

Let me apologize for

my feral son.

Oh, no need to

apologize.

Please, I love kids.

I'm Annie.

You're a nanny?

Oh!

- No, I'm not.

- No wonder.

- You're so good with children.

- Oh, I'm not.

Actually, I just

lost my nanny Bertie,

which is why I'm out in

this godforsaken park

- by myself.

- Okay.

- She left us to go get married.

- All right.

Oh my God.

Are... are you employed?

- No, unfortunately, l...

- Fabulous!

Look, here...

here is my card.

Please please please

call me later this week.

We'll schedule a lunch.

Anywhere you'd like to go.

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