The Naughty Nineties

---

Get yourself set

for a red letter day

The showboat's

comin'to town

It isn't here yet

but it's headin'our way

The showboat's

comin'to town

It's rollin'down the river

Rollin'down the river

Rollin'down the river road

Banjos are a-strumming 'cause

the showboat is comin'

Rollin'down the river road

Hello, Captain Sam.

Welcome to Ironville.

Howdy, Henry.

That little Susie?

Had to carry her on board

last time we played Ironville.

Wait till you see

my little gal.

And now I want you to meet

a new member of our company.

The greatest actor on the river and

our new leading man for the season,

Mr. Dexter Broadhurst!

Sebastian.!

I rolled over.

Well, here's the packet office.

Be on the next boat out of town.

Thank you for your generous

hospitality, Sheriff.

Just miss that river packet, and I'll

give you a taste of my hospitality...

in the cooler.

Our leading lady, Miss CarolineJackson,

will now sing "On a Sunday Afternoon. "

On a Sunday afternoon

In the merry month ofJune

Take a trip up the Hudson

or down the Bay

Take a trolley to Coney

or Rockaway

On a Sunday afternoon

You can see

the lovers spoon

They work hard on Monday

but one day that's fun day

Is Sunday after...

Stop that singing!

Get off this street. Go back

to the river where you belong.

You're ruinin'my business. Hey, you

can't talk to Miss Caroline like that.

Who says I can't?

I don't want any trouble

from you, shorty!

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry, sir.

Now, don't bother the young lady

while she's singing.

Now listen,

this is none of your...

It's none of my business.

You tell him.

Now, Miss,

will you please continue?

On a Sunday afternoon

You can see the lovers spoon

They work hard on Monday

but one day that's fun day

Is Sunday afternoon

Save it! That's only a sample of

what you're going to see tonight.

Captain Sam always gives you the cleanest,

finest entertainment on the river.

Bring the children.

Curtain goes up at 8:00.

We can kill time on the

showboat until the packet leaves.

Yes, we don't want

to miss that packet.

I've kept us two jumps

ahead of the sheriff so far.

Barely one jump

ahead this time.

Probably a tank town show. Better

than waiting here. Yeah, that's right.

Nell!

Bill!

Oh, Nell, I have

some good news for you, Nell.

Mr. Singleton

is going to buy my invention.

Hark.! 'Tis the train

rounding the bend.

Oh, sweetheart,

after I've sold this invention,

you will have silks and satins,

you'll have riches,

you'll have servants

and a home fit for a king.

Oh, Bill, I only want you.

That is riches enough for me.

'Tis the hoofbeats of my trusty

steed, bringing Mr. Singleton to me.

Bill, I'll leave you two men

to talk of business.

I must rush and tell Mother

the good news.

But I shall return.

Bye-bye, dear.

Ah, me lad, I've come

to invite you to the city...

where I can introduce to you

the delights of civilization.

No, Mr. Singleton.

No, no, no.

I'm a native of these parts,

and I belong here...

with my friends, in my mill.

Ah, this is my life.

This, uh... This, uh...

Will you get out of here? There's

a play going on. Get out! Out!

Uh, Mr. Singleton...

Will you get out?

Out. Yes.

Mr. Singleton, I... I...

Uh, Mr. Singleton...

I...

Whoo!

As I said before,

no, no, Mr. Singleton.

I'm a native of these parts.

I belong here with my friends.

What have you got to make

you happy around these parts?

What have I got?

Why, here she comes now,

tripping over the threshold

like a little ray of sunshine.

Nell, I want you to meet

Mr. Singleton.

He's taking my invention

to New York with him.

As I said before...

Quiet!

Quiet. Uh, quiet.

Uh, Mr. Singleton...

Will you shut up? Will you

please shut up, Mr. Singleton?

Will you keep quiet?

Mr. Singleton, I said...

Come in.

Mr. Singleton...

I'll shoot you. I'll shoot

you, Mr. Singleton, so help...

Will you please

get out of here?

Mr. Singleton...

Psst. Psst.

Mr. Singleton...

Yes, yes, yes. I know!

The baby. The baby.

Go ahead. Go ahead!

Mr. Singleton... Ladies, will

you please keep your babies quiet?

Shhh. Shhh. Shhh.

Have a drink of milk, kid.

Oh, not out of the bottle.

Not out of the bottle?

Uh, Nell, I want you

to meet Mr. Singleton.

Shhh. He's taking my invention

to New York. Mr. Singleton...

- Mr. Singleton...

- Hat pin.

Mr. Singleton...

Mr. Singleton...

Here, here.

Look at the tears

on those little babies.

Don't cry,

because I get sad.

Ladies, you'll have to keep

those babies quiet.

Imagine what we could do

with a showboat like this.

It would be a gold mine. The yokels

would come on board to see the show.

And we could give them

five-card stud in the afterpiece.

Don't forget the dice game.

Don't forget the sheriff.

If the sheriff comes, we sail the whole

kit and caboodle into the next county.

Hold it. Here comes the

temporary owner of the showboat.

Pardon me, folks. I couldn't help

seeing you gettin' up and leaving.

I guess you're strangers. Hate

to think you didn't like the show.

Oh, but we loved the show.

We're leaving because we have to

catch the packet for St. Louis.

Oh, that old packet

won't leave for an hour.

Come on back with me.

You've time to see the olio.

Well, Crawford, get yourself

measured for sea togs now.

You ever get to St.

Louis, Captain? Oh, sure.

We're closing the River Queen end of this

week and coming to St. Louis for supplies.

Expect to be in the big city

a week or so.

I may remain in St. Louis

for some time.

I'd consider it an honor

if you'd call on me.

Why, Miss Farrel,

I'd be delighted.

Would you? Well, I'm giving a

party at the Gilded Cage Cafe.

Would it be too forward of me

to invite you?

Just say the night, ma'am.

What night will you arrive?

Monday night. Monday! What a coincidence!

My party was all set

for next Monday.

Oh, aren't we lucky? Captain Jackson

will arrive in St. Louis next Monday...

just in time for our party

at the Gilded Cage Cafe.

Fine. We'll try to make it

interesting for him.

Yes, like going over

Niagara Falls in a barrel.

Good night, Captain Jackson.

Good night, ma'am.

Until next Monday, then?

Until next Monday.

See you at the Gilded Cage.

The Gilded Cage.

I'd leave

my 'appy 'ome for you

You're the nicest man

I ever knew

If you take me andjust

break me in the business too

Ooh, I'd leave my 'appy 'ome

for you, you, you, you

I'd leave my 'appy 'ome

for you, oo-ooh

We never have anything like

this on the River Queen.

Huh. Well, here we are.

Now, listen.

See this? A little advance I

borrowed off of Captain Sam.

Hold that. Now we're going

in here, put on the dog.

You know, do as I do.

Come, m'lad.

That's a boy.

It's quite all right.

I'll be right back. Uh-uh-uh-uh.

You didn't say excuse me.

I beg your pardon.

That's just as good.

Bah!

Come, let us check

our wraps.

Here, here, here.

Oh, you kid.

You tell 'em, upholstery.

You've got the stuff.

You tell 'em, ammonia.

You've got the spirit.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes