The New Kids

Oh, Jesus, Mac.

It's the middle of the night.

Come on, you guys, off and on!

Off your backs and on your feet!

Let's go, son. What's the matter?

You whack off too much last night?

Come on. You can't get strong

when you're lying down.

Rise and shine. On your feet.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

- Oh, no.

- Reveille, reveille.

Come on, come on, darling.

- Time to get up.

- No.

Are we gonna practice

with live ammo today, major?

Colonel now, sweetheart.

Remember that.

Keep that in the forefront

of that skull.

It means more greenbacks to buy

designer jeans for this sexy bod.

- Come on, let's go.

- I knew Army life had its advantages.

- Yeah. Up and out.

- No, it's cold.

How did we do, colonel?

How did we do? We did great.

Let's eat.

If you're gonna make it, kids,

you gotta be strong.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.

- It's a jungle out there.

- It's a jungle out there.

Listen up. Don't forget to water

the lawn, put out the garbage.

We'll be back

the day after tomorrow at 1300.

Don't forget to watch me

on TV tonight.

We won't.

- So you've got your orders?

- Yes.

Hold down the fort,

get good grades, don't screw off.

- Try to get a good night's sleep.

- You don't have to worry about that.

Because next week,

we're all gonna party. Okay?

Oh, and say hi

to the president for us.

- Will do.

- Bye, Mom.

- You be good.

- We're all real proud of you, Dad.

Thanks, Loren.

It's about time these

armchair bastards gave me this.

Okay, now, the only thing off-limit

in the fridge are the T-bones.

Here. I'll be disappointed

if you don't spend it all.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Okay.

- Bye, sweetheart.

- Bye.

- Have fun.

- Okay.

- Bye, grunts.

- Bye.

Bye, Dad.

Have fun, you guys.

Police were brought in to break up

the crowds, estimated at 2000.

Government officials called the

demonstrations "communist-inspired. "

It's not gonna happen.

They're not gonna show it.

Today, one of our own local boys...

- Hey, there it is.

- ... Colonel John MacWilliams...

... was presented with a special

presidential commendation for valor.

He single-handedly subdued

five hijackers on a Boeing 747...

... last October 14th.

MacWilliams negotiated for over

four hours with the terrorists...

... who threatened

to blow up the plane.

Sh*t, Jimmy, this is your date.

Hello.

Yes, speaking.

- Is it her?

- What?

- Come on, is it her?

- Hold on. No, Jimmy, it's not her.

- 75 amazing missions

against terrorism.

He said he wished

to take this opportunity...

... to put the forces of tyranny

on alert.

"Let them think twice," he said...

Hold on a second.

Keep it down.

- Terrorism cannot...

- Shut up!

... and will not be tolerated.

And now, here's Bob Sherman

with the weather.

Both of them? You're sure?

What is it?

Man said Mac and Mom are dead.

Killed in a car crash.

You're brave kids.

- You're real brave.

- Thank you, Colonel Jenkins.

Loren...

It's Mac's watch. I had it brought out

by special transport this morning.

Listen, come visit Jane and me

out in Tucson. We'd love to have you.

If there's anything we can do,

we want you to call us.

- We appreciate it.

- Remember, whatever you do...

...I'm with you and ready to help

in any way I can.

- Take care of yourself.

- Thank you, sir.

Thank you for coming out.

- Thank you, Colonel Jenkins.

- Be good.

I'll try.

Loren.

- Can I have it?

- What?

The watch.

- Yeah, sure.

- Loren?

Abby?

- Uncle Charlie?

- Yeah.

- Loren.

- Howdy, Uncle Charlie.

I guess it's been quite a while,

hasn't it?

From now on, you'll see a lot of me.

I'm here to help.

- We don't want to be trouble.

- We're not talking trouble.

We're talking family now.

You know, your father and I...

...we were very close

when we were boys.

Did he ever tell you that?

I loved him.

That son of a b*tch.

Hey, listen.

Uncle Charlie, he's not about

to let some dried-up prune...

...of a social worker put you

in some foster home. No way.

Not even close.

You know what I'm doing?

I'm taking you both to Florida

to live with me and your aunt Fay.

She's a wonderful woman,

your aunt Fay.

Wait till you see the place I got.

You're gonna love it.

Colonel Jenkins has already

made arrangements...

...for people at the base

to take care of the house...

...the luggage and all that stuff.

When you get off the bus in Florida,

I'll be there to meet you.

Hey, over here!

- How you doing?

- Okay. Welcome to Florida, kids.

Sorry I'm late. I got hung up.

- Hi, Abby.

- Hi.

- How you doing, Loren?

- Great. What a great car!

- Oh, thanks.

- What year is this?

My theory is, 1960

was the prime year of our country.

Kennedy was elected,

interest rates were 4 percent...

...and Elvis Presley

was singing "Now or Never. "

And no extravagance

was spared on this here vehicle.

Might not be New York City

or Miami down here...

...but it's got very strong points.

And we're gonna have a good time.

Great time together.

That's our sign there, kids.

Santa's Funland.

That's where we're headed.

Hi, darling.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Hey, honey. Come on over here.

Look who I found.

Hi, kids. How are you?

Hi, sweetheart.

Abby?

Loren.

I'm glad you all are here.

- I'm Fay.

- My gal.

I'll get it.

Charlie, why don't you

show them around.

I haven't had a chance

to finish your room.

- We'll get to it later.

- We'll take care of it.

You hear that, honey?

I told you they were great kids.

Well, come on. Follow me.

Loren, look.

Chickens, ducks, geese.

We got it all.

This goat over here...

...her name is Henrietta.

She's pregnant.

This other goat over here,

her name's Helen.

And this calf here,

her name's Mathilda.

Go ahead. Introduce yourself.

Look at you.

- What's the rabbit's name?

- I don't believe she has a name.

- Hey, baby.

- What do you think she is?

Oh, Molly. Definitely a Molly.

How do you like it?

- Well, it's something.

- Yeah, well, I know it needs work.

It took every penny I had to get it,

but it's worth it.

A little spit, polish and sweat...

...I can see hundreds of people

ambling down these streets...

...money in both hands.

Well, with Disney World and Epcot

a couple hours north...

...this will be the perfect place

for people to stop en route.

Little appetizer.

Now, consider this:

We're only 25 minutes away

from the third biggest interstate...

...in the southern United States.

Now, do you have any idea

how many cars...

...travel that road each

and every single day?

- No, sir.

- Neither do I.

But you can bet it's plenty.

Any market researcher

could tell you that.

And every one of them

means money in our pockets.

Here's where you'll be staying.

Hello.

I know it needs a little work.

It ain't exactly the Hilton, but...

- It'll be fine.

- Oh, good. Terrific. I'm glad.

God, you kids must be starving.

I'll get the grill going,

and we'll have ourselves...

...a little celebration

with burgers and dogs.

- Sure.

- All right.

- Oh, my God.

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