The New Twenty

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I got it!

All right!

Hey!

Group portrait is mandatory,

but I wanna be in it.

Well, then who's

gonna take it?

I'll take it.

You guys are the seniors.

No, no, no!

You should be in it.

Dude, closer.

On the couch.

Come on.

Yes, sir!

Hey, drunk girl!

Full house!

Yo, Tony.

What's the matter

with everyone tonight?

Andrew's in,

you're not answering...

Felix is out.

What the hell?

What the hell...

Call me...

Call me.

A**hole.

Hey.

Ben?

Yeah.

I thought you said,

'good shape'.

I embellished.

Whatever, man.

Like you're really 32!

You're f***in' 40!

Lose some weight, fat boy!

- F*** you!

- F*** you!

F*** YOU!

F***!

Shut up!

Hey!

Sorry.

Oh.

President Bush

is spying on me.

Yeah.

I'm corresponding with

a soldier in Iraq - That's why.

I send him DVDs.

Really?

Adopt-a-soldier.

Google it.

His name's Crazy Man.

'Cause he a crazy man.

That was gay.

Eight all.

You're goin' down, b*tch.

Yeah, whatever.

That's game!

Come on. Get up.

Ahhhhh!

Jesus.

Did you hear about Fischbach?

Who?

Keg out the window,

freshman year.

Oh, yeah.

What's he up to?

He had that web-based

software company.

Right.

Google bought it.

No sh*t.

Yeah.

It's a fluke.

Most of these things

are like hobbies.

- Yeah?

- What?

I mean...

...it's like you said

at the Moroccan, man.

My f***ing job is like

shriveling me.

Ahhh!

What is this guy up to?

F***!

I suck at this f***ing game!

What the f***

are you morons looking at?

F*** off!

A**hole.

Thanks, man.

I hate my f***ing job.

- Ditto, more or less.

- Yeah, well...

At least you guys sold out.

Life in the blogosphere

not what it used to be?

Blow me, Hatch!

What about you, Jules?

Quiet desperation?

I'd quit, but they

keep promoting me.

What? It's true.

Bullshit.

You love all that power.

That's your fantasy.

Hey, hey. No fighting.

Is this our mid-life crisis?

Yeah, if you die at 60.

Well, 30 is

the new 20...

So what?

He dies at 42?

Basic math.

My point is -

therefore a crisis.

We'll find out shortly.

Oh. I got it.

What's this?

What is it?

It's a celebration.

Did you guys

get that apartment?

I want that place so bad.

Guys, I have an announcement.

Yes!

Julie and I decided to do it...

We're getting married.

What?

That is awesome!

I can't believe

you didn't tell me!

- I can keep a secret.

- Since when?

Mazeltov.

- Pour it up!

- Let's do it!

When did you propose?

Halftime at the football game.

Let's not talk about it.

Did you get on one knee?

I did.

I was cute about it.

So... a toast.

Yes. To Julie.

And Andrew.

Julie Andrews!

Wait a minute.

She's not pregnant is she?

- No, she's not.

- Oh, stop it.

I wanted to tell everyone

together because, you know...

...that's how it is.

Hey. Where are you?

No, no.

I'll come get you.

Bachelor party!

Hoo, hoo, hoo!

Oh, please.

What do you mean oh, please?

I wouldn't mind.

Seriously?

Which one is he?

The one next to my brother.

Cute.

Smart, right?

Too smart.

As in self-destructive

and totally damaged?

Well...

Uh oh.

What?

"I'd quit...

...but they keep

promoting me. "

You got a problem with that?

What if I do?

We'II, I guess we'll

have to work it out.

Whatcha doin'?

Goin' out.

- Drive safe now.

- Have fun.

Are you okay?

Excuse me.

Felix.

Where are you, man?

I'm at the gym.

Squash.

Tuesday night, remember?

Never f***in' fails.

There's two of us here

and we're on top of each other.

Do I know you?

Did we play on

the ladder together?

I saw you on the

court the other day.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah...

You were a complete

f***in' a**hole.

Well, f*** you, too.

Motherfuck!

You wanna give me that ball?

- You ready?

- Yes.

Sh*t!

- You ready?

- Yes.

Sh*t! Sh*t!

You gay?

I mean, on the low down?

Down low?

Whatever.

I mean,

I'm just checking...

'cause the last five times

I was in here some guy...

...exposed himself to me,

if you know what I mean.

I mean, hey,

I'm all for sexual liberation...

...but for f***'s sake -

I'm just tryin'

to get some steam!

So what do you do for a living,

if you don't mind my asking?

Investment banking.

Hey, nothin' wrong

with I-banking.

I did my years on the street.

Oh, yeah?

Traded with Salomon

back in the day.

So who're you with - Merrill?

Morgan.

My fiance's with Merrill.

That's cozy.

Who makes more money?

She does, doesn't she?

Hey...

I admit it.

I go too far.

It's my nature.

Hell, it's part of my

f***in' job description.

V.C.

Venture capital.

Hey, babe. Sorry.

Louie, my fiance.

Julie, this is Louie.

Hello.

Pleasure.

Louie here's

a venture capitalist.

Oh.

So you have my card?

I do.

Give me a call if you

want to play again.

Very nice to have

met you, Julie.

You meeting Andrew tomorrow?

Nah.

He's playing Louie again.

Who the hell is that guy?

I don't know.

They met in the locker room.

I know.

I'm having trouble

computing that totally gay fact.

All right.

You got a point, big boy.

I mean, most of these

things are like hobbies.

But I've got an

actual business model.

This isn't just

contextualized advertising.

I know.

I see your point.

So what are you saying?

You don't think it'll fly?

Well, that depends on you.

What are you doing right now?

You got time to talk?

Andrew's heard

this a million times.

You've gotta tell him.

Yeah, come on. Tell it.

So...

He's asking all

the usual bullshit...

"What's your greatest failure?"

"What's your greatest success?"

You know, that kind of thing.

Totally not listening.

He's lookin' at the ceiling,

starin' at his watch.

Completely bored.

So then, all of a sudden,

he looks at me and says...

"Do you have any tattoos?"

Nice.

I have no idea

what he's thinking.

But he's listening

for the first time.

So I look at him and I say...

"Well, yes, Rick.

I do have one.

Right across here...

And it says Merrill Lynch.

No! You didn't.

I totally did.

And it got me

the f***ing job!

Men are pigs.

Oink.

So?

What do you think?

I think you hate your job

and you really want to do this.

What about the apartment?

Maybe it's not

the right time to buy.

No. It is.

Okay.

Well, I mean...

I could swing the mortgage...

...for a while.

Yeah?

That would be great.

I mean, I haven't

decided decided.

But... that could be great.

Ow, ow!

- Sorry.

- Wait.

Hey.

- Yeah?

- What's the story?

What?

In the steam room...

the disdain.

Excuse me?

I'm Tony.

Robert.

- Hey.

- Hey.

So you some kind of hot shot?

Some kind.

You have tenure?

I do.

Cozy.

And do you talk

when you teach?

I do.

Awesome.

How about you?

The teacher...

The... work thing, I mean.

I'm a total sellout.

Oh, I doubt that.

You guys know

what you want?

I want him to talk more.

Another drink.

"Friends. "

No, we didn't pay

our cable bill.

Maybe this is how

they punish us.

Maybe we shouldn't

pay our phone bill.

Free phone sex.

Maybe we shouldn't

pay our gas bill.

It's the students...

The students

continually surprise me.

In class?

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