The New Yoda Chronicles: Raid on Coruscant Page #2

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Mr. Crazy Crystal,

I think you and I

are gonna be good friends.

YOUNG OBI-WAN:

No, Anakin,

that way is forbidden.

ANAKIN:

Rules are made to be broken,

Master.

Ha, ha, ha, Anakin,

why do I get the feeling

you'll be

the death of me? Ha.

You know, when you say that,

it really burns me up.

When you guys

joke around like this

it makes me want

to get tossed out

a high window

with my arm cut off.

[LAUGHTER]

[GROANS]

Make it stop.

[BEEPS, CLANGS]

Prepare the fleet

for attack.

We believe

the Emperor keeps

the Holocrons

in one of two places:

his office

in the Senate Building,

or the old Holocron Vault

in the Jedi Temple.

That's great, but none of us

have ever been there.

We'll be flying blind.

The droids and I

were there long ago.

Yes, but as much

as I would love to participate

in this supremely

dangerous mission,

sadly my memory has been wiped,

so I wouldn't be any help.

Darn the luck.

Fortunately, I have

a complete set of plans.

[GROANS]

[BEEPS]

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi,

you're my only hope.

Oops.

lp me, Obi-Wan Kenobi...

Wrong disc. Hang on.

Ever wonder why we don't have

digital downloads yet?

They're coming.

Digital downloads?

No, the Empire.

Vader is on the attack.

I feel it.

No time to wait.

We have to launch now.

[d]

LUKE:

To Coruscant.

To Kashyyyk.

[d]

They're in.

Oh, I can't bear

to watch.

But if Artoo

should suffer damage

in the attack,

I will gladly donate

any of my circuits

or gears to save him.

None of your parts

fit him and you know it.

Eh, well, yes, but surely

it's the thought that counts.

And if they did fit him,

I'd be deviled--

[POWERS DOWN]

That's enough, would have suf--

For the Republic!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Huh?

Where is everybody?

VADER [OVER SPEAKER]:

Your puny Rebellion

is about to be...

Where is everybody?

Artoo and I know

the Holocron vault.

We'll go there.

Han and I will take

the Emperor's office.

You guys know what to do.

[ROARS]

Wedge, you and your team

stand by.

Roger that, Luke.

Here we go.

[ARTOO BEEPS]

ROYAL GUARD:

Halt in the name

of the Emperor.

[d]

[ALL SCREAMING]

I'm liking this guy

more and more.

VADER:

Hello? Anybody here?

[WHIMPERS]

Rebels...

[WARPED]:

Come out and play.

[CLEARS THROAT]

So...

Rebels?

[HOLOGRAM BEEPING]

[VADER GRUNTS]

Get back here.

We're under attack.

By whom?

Ewoks.

Who do you think?

The Rebels.

And all my Storm Troopers

are with you.

Get back here now!

Yes, my Lord.

Let's go.

Move, move.

[GRUNTS]

What a klutz.

[GRUNTS]

Nobody saw that.

Red Leader,

this is Gold Leader.

Ready to act

on your orders.

Copy that, Gold Leader.

Gold Leader,

this is Blue Leader.

Blue Leader,

this is Green Leader.

Red, Gold,

Blue and Green Leaders,

this is "Kind Of

A Brownish Purple Leader."

That's enough, Leaders!

Focus on the mission.

I forgot.

What are

we waiting for again?

That. Fire!

[d]

Oh, I don't think so.

[WHISTLES]

[WHIMPERING BEEP]

Hm, the Holocrons

aren't here.

[SCREAMS AND GRUNTS]

This place is huge.

How are we gonna find

the Emperor's office?

Uh, I'm guessing

it's that one.

EMPEROR:

Gotta go,

gotta go, gotta go.

His door

is probably locked.

Who said anything

about a door?

[GUARDS SCREAM]

I have got

to get stronger windows.

All right, Emperor Palpatine,

give us back our Holocrons.

Okay, okay,

I surrender.

You're not the Emperor.

[BOTH GROANING]

I'm the Emperor.

You're not too smart,

are you, Skywalker?

Uh. Hey.

You must be this

"Han Solo"

I've been hearing about.

Now who's not smart?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Think you

can take me on, boy?

Obviously.

Now this is dog fighting.

Kind of Brownish

Purple Leader down!

Get off me,

you stupid droid.

[BEEPING]

[POWERING DOWN]

Those Holocrons

have many uses.

Let's go.

[BEEPS]

[d]

You are a weak

pathetic farm boy.

Oh, yeah? Well,

your teeth are yellow.

Words can hurt, you know.

[GRUNTS LOUDLY]

Whoa.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[LUKE SCREAMING]

EMPEROR:

You'll never capture me.

[CAMERA FLASHES]

JAWAS:

Utini.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Utini.

[LAUGHING]

[GROANS]

[GUNS COCKING]

Wookiees. Why did it

have to be Wookiees?

[WOOKIEES ROAR]

[LUKE GRUNTING]

You're surrounded,

Your Excellency.

Hand over the Holocrons.

Never.

[d]

Take one more step

and I'll destroy them.

Go ahead,

destroy them.

What?

What?

[ALL ROAR]

ALL:

What?

What?

The Holocrons are worth more

to you than they are to us.

Destroy them, I dare you.

I'll do it.

Here I go.

Zappity zappity.

Go ahead.

Never!

Then I guess

we'll have to do it.

Jek?

Gladly.

No!

[d]

EMPEROR:

I hope this never happens

to me again.

All right.

Yeah.

Way to go.

[WOOKIEES ROARING]

Now let's

get out of here.

[MOANS AND GROANS]

That was odd.

I must have missed

all the action.

EMPEROR:

You think so? Up here.

Get me down.

Oh. Oh, my.

Yes, you should

be ashamed.

It's not that.

I-I can see

your underpants.

What? J-Just get me down.

A bold move

by Luke that was.

And risky.

I can't believe

the Holocrons have gone.

What do we do now?

How will Luke

become a Jedi?

I know.

Luke is smart.

He sacrificed

the Holocrons

so they couldn't be used

for evil ever again.

You will train him.

Yoda. Of course.

That's brilliant.

I'm not sure if the time

is right, though.

He's a little immature.

[GRUNTS]

Yes, a boy he still is.

Not Luke, you.

Next time, tell the truth,

and open your own pickle jars.

[GRUNTS]

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

d It's time to boogie d

d Let's groove, yeah d

d It's time to boogie d

HAN:

What's up?

Luke, I've seen

some great Jedi in my day.

And you've got

something special.

Thanks.

I know I did

the right thing,

but I still wish I could've

gotten my hands on

just one of those Holocrons.

[WOOKIEES ROAR]

That can

be arranged.

[BEEPS]

Oh, man.

I can finally see

a great Jedi in action.

Whoever that is,

he's amazing.

Someday, I hope

I turn out just like him.

[d]

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