The Night of the Iguana Page #5

How's Gramps gonna get meals?

Let them have that suite.

Wait a minute, Shannon,

that's the deluxe suite.

I know, Maxine, generosity

is the cornerstone of your nature.

Come on, Gramps.

Time to move.

That's it.

Did someone call for a recitation?

No, Nonno,

we're just going to our rooms.

I'm dreadfully afraid

my grandfather had a slight stroke...

...in those high passes

through the Sierras.

Old people have them. They're not regular

strokes, just little cerebral incidents.

Symptoms clear up so quickly, sometimes

old people don't realize they've had them.

Just rest for a few moments, Nonno.

How calmly does the olive branch

Observe the sky begin to blanch

Without a cry, without a prayer

With no betrayal of despair

I'll leave Nonno in here

and I'll take that room.

That's the one with the leaky roof,

but you won't find out about it...

...until it rains, and then it'll be too late

to do anything except swim out if it.

- Oh, no, Mr...?

- Shannon, the Reverend T. Lawrence.

Mr. Shannon,

I'll find a dry spot if it rains.

How many...?

How many times have you

been around the world?

As many times as the world

has been around the sun.

And I feel as if I've gone

the whole way on foot.

Thank you, Mr. Shannon.

Operator.

Operator, aqu parlar English?

- S, seora. Can I help you?

- This is Miss Fellowes at Mismaloya.

- S, seora.

- What happened to my call to Texas?

- Where in Texas?

- Corpus Christi.

- I thought you'd checked out.

- Checked out?

How could I check out?

He's got the distributor...

Operator, you put that

call through again...

...and I will hold the line

and wait if it takes all afternoon.

Very well, seora.

Seducer.

- What?

- Seducer.

- Now, what's the squawk now?

- Oh, Larry, why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what? What is this?

- You've been exposed, Shannon.

- Your whole shameful past.

Posing as a minister of the gospel.

I am a minister. Anybody who says I'm not...

Honey, show them that gold cross,

that'll prove it.

You thought you outwitted me, didn't you,

having your paramour here cancel my call.

Miss Fellowes, honey,

if paramour means what I think it does...

...you're gambling with your front teeth.

My brother has been in communication

with Blake's Tours.

They've assured him

that they will take action, drastic action.

Just what do you mean by that?

- I have a contract that provides...

- Your contract is worthless.

My brother is a judge.

And he has informed your employer

that they are not required to employ...

...a man who makes a career

of seducing young girls.

"Seducing!"

Did you lead her to infer that...

Larry, how could you think that l...?

I said a career. All the way

from Pleasant Valley, Virginia...

...to that dreadful hotel

that you tricked us into last night.

But that career is now ended.

The Reverend Shannon, defrocked.

That's a lie. A base lie.

I was never defrocked.

I was only locked out of my church.

Spreading a story like that is libel.

I could take legal action. And I will.

These ladies are my witnesses.

Repeating a story like that will get you...

I'll show you. I'll show you all.

You can't say that I was defrocked.

I'll show you. I'll show you.

Well, if you're not gonna eat him,

I guess I'd better see about some food.

What's this mess supposed to be?

Soup.

Well, it's burnt!

Chang...

...l've warned you before.

I don't allow this stuff on premises,

even if you're on vacation.

You remember the time you got it

in the enchiladas?

What are you

gonna do with them dogfish?

Me do nothing. Me on vacation.

Pedro can fry with plenty chili,

make hot.

- Why not steam it, Mrs. Faulk?

- No guests allowed in the kitchen.

Mayn't I help?

Please let me.

I was born and bred in the fishing port

of Nantucket.

And I've cooked every kind of fish

that swims in the sea.

Except whales, but they're mammals.

I know what you're up to, honey.

You wanna make yourself useful so I'll

let you and old Gramps stay here free.

I wouldn't do anything so obvious.

Not with a woman of your practicality.

No, my wanting to help in the kitchen...

May I have the knife, please?

Machete.

It's just that I've noticed a certain...

...animosity towards

Mr. Shannon among the...

...ladies in his party,

particularly in the case of...

...Miss Fellowes, and I think with

a soothing meal inside her...

...it might soothe her spirit.

Miss Jelkes, honey, you're a hustler.

A fantastic, cool hustler.

You're completely broke, huh?

Yes, we are, completely.

You say that like you're proud of it.

I'm not proud of it,

or ashamed of it either.

It just happens to be

what's happened to us.

You know what that means?

No, I don't think I do.

It's Chinese for "No sweat."

Our Chinese cook says it.

Old Fred used to say...

...that those three words

summed up all the wisdom of the East.

- Fred?

- My husband.

My late husband.

How lately did you lose him, Mrs. Faulk?

Three, almost four weeks ago.

Maybe it hasn't dawned on me yet,

old Fred being gone for good.

It seems like he's out fishing.

He was always out fishing anyhow.

He hardly ever opened his mouth, except

when he got drunk and sang songs.

He'd lie out in that hammock

and drink and sing all night long.

No guest ever complained either.

Or I'd have shown them

the straight way down the hill.

I'm sure you would.

I loved old Fred.

More than anybody would guess, the way

I carried on. Except Fred, he knew.

You see, he was 28 years older than me.

And we hadn't slept together in

I don't know when.

Fred used to say...

...he guessed he was impotent. But if you

ask me, honey, he just plain lost interest.

What other interest did he have,

Mrs. Faulk?

Only fishing.

He'd catch them, throw them back in.

Unless they swallowed the hook,

we'd have them for supper.

Fred lived and let live.

When I hired them beach boys...

...Fred care?

Did he raise hell when I started going

night swimming with them? Hell, no.

He just went night fishing all night long.

He must have been a remarkable man.

You said it.

People with troubles, and that's everybody,

used to come and spill them to old Fred.

And he could listen forever.

He was better than any head shrinker...

...because he knew what was

bugging you even before you told him.

That's why Shannon always made for

Mismaloya when he was spooked.

I remember one time, he came down here

out of season like now.

And I went on the make for him.

But Shannon wasn't having any,

on account of his friendship with Fred.

Well, they're all ready for steaming.

So was I, Miss Jelkes, honey, so was I.

But I couldn't tell him

that Fred didn't give a damn.

It didn't seem fair to Fred.

You know I think you're quite a

remarkable person too, Mrs. Faulk.

Don't you try to con me, honey.

I understand me.

I still got my biological urges.

The beach boys?

Yup.

But even I know the difference

between loving somebody...

...and just going to bed with them.

Even I know that.

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